memeboxing

[fe_male]

Comments

i have very firm opinions

[motherofnemesis]

[ It's a knee jerk response she can understand. She wishes it wasn't there and that it wasn't something it was necessary to struggle past, and that she understands it doesn't mean it doesn't sometimes frustrate her badly. But she does understand it.

He seems to not realize that help could be a good thing so often. A lot of the time she thinks it's simply because it's been offered to him so little, that he never expects the possibility and learned instead to convince himself he didn't need it. ]

I don't know yet. [ Honest, because that's the only way she can be with him. Lying would get her nowhere. ] But I can find a way. [ With enough determination, anything is possible, and she is very determined. ]

i've noticed

[fe_male]

[ 'Yes, poor little Tony Stark, his life is so tough.'

This is why he doesn't ask for help. It's easy to see why he wouldn't even consider it to be an option.

He appreciates her honesty, nods slightly, because that's... Not an answer that was unexpected, so. That's still okay. Doesn't mean his next words aren't sort of mumbled regardless. ] I'm sure you can.

man you totally don't need to play along to my conceit

[motherofnemesis]

[ She really does sometimes feel a very strong urge to find and punch anyone who helped mess him up at any point in time. Kicking them, too, that's totally an option.

She nods, chooses to take the mumbling at face value rather than try to read anything else into it because that would just take too long. ]

What do you think you need, right now?

maybe i enjoy it

[fe_male]

[ Well he doesn't remember anyone actually outright saying that. Just that it's a sentiment he's seen expressed through various fashions. Although if she ever does do that, he'd like to watch.

He lets out a breath at that, pulling in on himself so that it feels like the place where most of his sternum used to be is actually concaved into his chest. It doesn't sound like it, but it's a nice feeling sometimes. Hiding. ]

I have no idea. Therapy, probably. Time machines.

maybe you're a ridiculously nice person

[motherofnemesis]

[ If she ever does that she'll be sure to invite him.

Hiding is a really nice feeling - that one she can get pretty well. ]

Therapy's a little more possible than time machines. [ Soft, quiet. ] I hear sometimes just talking to someone who will listen is useful.

ack no compliments what do

[fe_male]

[ Good.

He's personally back and forth with hiding, typically, but right now he's a fan. ] I'm talking to someone now.

accept that you're a wonderful person and ily

[motherofnemesis]

[ When he's not hiding he seems to be doing approximately the exact opposite, so. There's that. She nods a little, something close to a smile on her face but not quite managing to break through her solemn seriousness. ] Yeah, you are. What do you think needs saying?

but

[fe_male]

I don't know what needs saying, it's why I don't talk to people.

no buts. you really are fantastic.

[motherofnemesis]

Then start with why. [ Quiet and soft, watching him closely still. ] Start with why you should be talking to someone.

[fe_male]

[ 'Why'. Why is half the problem, isn't it?

It is a very long while before he talks again, and when he does it's mumbled. Again. ]

I have nightmares. And sometimes I wake up and don't know where I am.

[motherofnemesis]

[ She waits, quiet and as open as she can make herself, not demanding his gaze or doing anything but being, quiet and steady. ]

Where do you think you are? [ Slow, leading questions. Baby steps to the problems. ]

[fe_male]

It doesn't last long. It's - I mean, a few seconds. It's not the same every time. Shifts back and forth.

[motherofnemesis]

Okay. When does it happen? [ Down the list of questions, searching for ways to understand. ]

[fe_male]

When I wake up, I just said that.

[motherofnemesis]

No, I mean, does it happen any other time or is it only when you wake up?

[fe_male]

Oh. [ He's quiet for a moment, but it's not out of evasion - it's pretty obvious that he's doing quick mental scans of recent and long term memory for anything like that. ] No it's just - just when I first wake up.

[motherofnemesis]

Okay. [ She's threading her way through as carefully as she can, trying to figure out how best to address it, how to help him. ] And you said where you think are shifts? Is there someone that's more regular than others?

[fe_male]

[ Threading and yet pulling every piece of information out of him gently and intently. He doesn't want to be telling her any of this, but he can't seem to not do it. ] It just depends on the dream. Well. Space, more often. Dark and cold shifts to dark and cold though, it doesn't really matter.

[motherofnemesis]

[ That's her hoped for end, that she can get all the information she needs, that he needs her to know. Even if he doesn't particularly want her to have it right now. ] Do you wake up thinking you're where the nightmares were happening?

[fe_male]

More or less. [ Which really just means 'yeah', but he doesn't feel like being direct. ]

[motherofnemesis]

[ She nods, considers the problem for a long moment. ] It sounds like the nightmares are the biggest problem.

[fe_male]

The nightmares are the problem. The nightmares and my inability to just fucking handle things.

[motherofnemesis]

It's not you. [ Instinctive, utterly sure. ] It's not your fault, the brain isn't even meant to have to handle the sort of stress you've been put under. The problem isn't you, and we'll find a way to fix it.

[fe_male]

[ That would be more helpful if he hadn't met a team full of other people who had the same and more stress than he's ever dealt with, in his opinion, who were all handling it just fine, in his opinion. As far as he knows, anyway, but he can't really be blamed for things he doesn't know. Shit, Max herself has had just as much if not more and she seems functional by him. So he doesn't totally jive with her statement, he just doesn't know what to say to it. ] Yeah, okay.

[motherofnemesis]

[ He doesn't know what happens when they sleep, or the moments when they think nobody's watching. He puts up a pretty good image of with it most of the time himself - she wouldn't know anything if she didn't live and sleep with him, if she wasn't intimately aware at most moments of his presence.

As for her, well. She's had 10 years to become very, very good at a facade of being well, and his presence has helped make that not entirely a front for the first time in that entire stretch. ] I mean it. If anyone thought less of you for this they'd be idiots. You're strong to have done this well.