[ He doesn't know what happens when they sleep, or the moments when they think nobody's watching. He puts up a pretty good image of with it most of the time himself - she wouldn't know anything if she didn't live and sleep with him, if she wasn't intimately aware at most moments of his presence.
As for her, well. She's had 10 years to become very, very good at a facade of being well, and his presence has helped make that not entirely a front for the first time in that entire stretch. ] I mean it. If anyone thought less of you for this they'd be idiots. You're strong to have done this well.
[ He doesn't know what happens in those moments, but he doesn't like to theorize without facts or evidence, and from his perspective the point stands that he has no concrete proof to indicate moments like that exist. It's ludicrous to imagine they don't, because nobody's perfect and he's well and intimately aware of that, of precisely how imperfect and flawed most people can be, but without the certainty that they do, the possibility that they don't is enough.
That's just another thing he doesn't know how to reply to though. He doesn't feel strong. He feels brittle, and loose, like all his screws and bolts have been undone just to the point of falling off, and too much rattling, too much exertion in any which way, will have him falling into parts on the floor. ] People are idiots anyway - they don't need to think that to fall into the category. [ So maybe that's deflection, but at least that's relatively normal from him. ]
[ Maybe sometime she'll speak to someone else in the Avengers, get them to hold a seminar in which they all stop pretending to be paragons of having-it-together, because she's positive they don't all. Steve and Bruce especially, them - she sees it in their eyes and their movements.
The fact that he feels like that and keeps going anyways? She thinks that's a pretty fair amount of strength right there. ] That's true. [ But she's not up for being deflected right now. ] I know you don't believe me, but the fact remains - you're still standing. And maybe it's shaky, but you are. That takes a lot.
also he'd be mildly mortified by a seminar like that ]
It takes a lot more than it should. [ Ugh, god, this is. This is exhausting. This is exhausting and he's already in bed and good the cap is still on this bottle of water so there's nothing stopping him from taking advantage of the fact that they're sitting on his bed and letting himself just sort of fall backwards to lie on his back. ] Now I'm lying. I mean, reclining, not being untruthful. [ Although. Hah. But not in that moment, anyway. He's not tired, not to the point of sleeping, he's just tired in other senses. He'll sit back up in a little while, probably be up the rest of the night regardless of all this, because he can't process while he's asleep and he has quite a bit to process. ]
then she'll do it in private and get them to talk to him so that he stops thinking like this.
There's a short pause, a space in which she just watches him with an expression that manages to achieve a fair amount of neutrality for the quiet compassion on it, and then she reaches out and starts running her hand through his hair. ] I can't make any promises, but. I'm going to do my best to help make it take less.
[ nope still mortified and also potentially pissed off that she went and talked to them about all of this because he's already an ordinary, very flawed person on a team of legitimate demi-gods and superheroes and he doesn't really feel like he needs to give any of them any more doubt to his ability and right to be there.
That's probably going to keep him lying down a little longer though. Her touch is generally quite arresting, and he's not sure how it works that you can become addicted to something so simple, he just knows that it never feels like he';; be able to get enough of it. ] You do a lot in that respect as it is.
[ goddamnit what is she going to have to do, because at that point she's considering just like tying him down for the sake of informing him of precisely how much he is worth to her. maybe that would work.
Touch is a luxury, in some respects. Especially when you're them, and there are a very, very few people in the world that casual touch is acceptable from. She knows she will never be tired of him touching her. ] I'm glad. Maybe I can one-up myself though.
[ .... that would probably work, yeah. I'm just seeing 'oh tony c'mon i want to tie you down tonight and here's a gag because you can't talk this time and by the way now that you're quiet and sitting still i wanted to make sure you understood how much you meant to me'. Can we do that. I feel like that would be hilarious.
Tony's still trying to get used to casual touch without expectation as something that can be considered 'normal'. He's not sure how to take it in that vein of things. ] Probably. I don't put much past you.
[ I want to do this we're doing this. It can be the next one we start. Let's start it now. Let's do everything.
Max and touch gets very complicated sometimes, because there are still moments all this time later when she becomes convinced that she's back in a cell, her mind creating people there with her just to keep her from completely losing it, and touch is how she remembers that she's not.
She could never touch them.
So touch is a means of reassurance of everything being okay, and touch that comes from care is a luxury that she's denied herself for a long time because there was no one she trusted enough to allow it who was also willing to allow themselves the danger of caring. It's almost never truly casual to her, but she's slowly learning to let it mean nothing in particular other than that she's happy he's here. She leans down to press her lips to his forehead, keeps running her hand through his hair as she sits back up. ] Totally shouldn't.
[ Tony's own relationship with touch isn't complicated in that sense. It's never been something that either was or wasn't there in terms of possibility in as much as it's simply deceptive in its significance, and craved all the more for its more-often-than-not insincerity. Touch, in his experience, has been ephemeral in both meaning and frequency, and he's not sure which part of it he dislikes more. Similarly to her, he's learning to associate it more normally, now that there's someone always around who doesn't abuse it.
He sits up on his elbows after a little while though. He really doesn't want to sleep again, and he doesn't want to get sleepy, and the quiet for even that little bit of time just now is more than enough. ] Are you going back to sleep?
[ They're both learning how touch works in a healthy and happy relationship, which is hilarious because this should not be a remotely healthy relationship they both have too many issues. And yet it is, and they're learning normalcy from decidedly abnormal sources for it. She likes him touching her, and her touching him, and the constancy of knowing that it's possible. It's both helpful and just very, very nice.
But at that she shakes her head, cups the back of his neck for a moment and then returns to stroking his hair. ] Not unless you are.
[ You wouldn't think such nice things could come out of such broken ones, but there they are, with each of the other being the reason they can have nice things.
He shakes his head just a little bit, because he doesn't want her to stop, nor is there actually much here that he's objecting to. ] I don't wanna keep you up. I'll be fine.
[ Only that involves still having the ability to have sex, because she really likes that one. He's very very good at it. ]
I've been asleep a lot over time, I generally don't find it necessary to stay asleep. [ She runs her hand down to his shoulder, kneads the muscles there for a moment before sliding it back up to his hair. ] It's okay. You're not causing me trouble, don't worry about it.
He is uncertain, and he lets it show a little bit, except when she's rubbing his shoulder because holy shit that was a thing he never knew he needed, and it's not until she starts carding her fingers through his hair again that he can talk. ] It is trouble though. You were asleep, and then you got up to help. Me, and then that was hard on us both I didn't miss that, and then now you're staying up - I don't even know what I'm going to do yet. I just... I don't want to sleep.
[ She waits until he's done talking, but that reaction to her hand on his shoulder wasn't missed and she shifts enough that it's easy to rest both of her hands on his shoulders, try to leverage a little more stress out of his muscles, see if she can't ease them. ] Whatever you do, if you want me there too I'll be there. [ Said quite matter of factly. ] It was hard on us both, but I don't really - it's easier, with you. Things are. I'd rather be up with you than trying to sleep again.
Max no he doesn't know what to do with people who are just... available.
Well, actually, he does, he knows exactly what to do with people who are just available to him and it typically winds up in him taking advantage of the situation. And yes, by 'people' I mean 'Rhodey and Pepper'. Who else does Tony ever have a good comparison to?
But he keeps that thought to himself, and not just because he's busy with the way that her hands feel right now. He keeps it to himself because it seems like another reason this whole thing is his mess and she doesn't need to know all of it immediately, not like that. ] I'm not gonna do anything specific. I mean, I might get into it, but that's not the intention right now. [ Beat. ] Things are easier with you too.
[ She's not terribly inclined to let him do anything that she feels would be taking advantage of her, and if he feels he's taking advantage of her then maybe he should ask her if she feels the same way because the odds are very very high she doesn't at all.
She hums a little, shrugs and keeps on with her impromptu massage because working with her hands is always in some respect soothing and she thinks it's helping him a little here too. ] It's okay. I don't feel like sleeping, so I'll just stay up with you. If you want me. [ Because there is always the option that it would be better for him to be alone, but she thinks right now that's not so much a thing. A pause of her own in response, and then she nods. ] I'm glad.
those are the shoulders she's rubbing look at those shoulders man
[ Why on earth would he ask her and give her the opportunity to concretely make him aware that he's taking advantage of her? It's much better to simply feel like it might be happening, accept the guilt if it is and the benefits of it not being so.
His response to that though, is without hesitation at all. ] I always want you. [ Which just means there's more pause before the following. It's time for some lightheartedness again. ] Sexually. Purely.
thank you for reminding me i would never have thought to look closely at his shoulders otherwise
[ Because then she could inform him that he totally isn't taking advantage of her at all, but I suppose if he thinks he is anyways he wouldn't ask at all.
She can run with the lighthearted section of that, because leaving it for precisely its face value is something she's going to store away for later. To remember. ] Both at once? That seems hard.
[ They're okay, they can reacclimate quickly. It's not perfect, because he's not quite steady yet and things are still a little tense, but it's better than it could be. By far. ] Purely sexual. Other way around. Bite me.
[ They always do manage to reacclimate quickly. And right now she's just following his lead, really, however serious or not serious he wants it to be, because making him comfortable again is the majority of her goal here. She laughs a little bit at that, pushes a little harder at the knots in his muscles. ] Only if you bite me back, baby.
[ She makes a hum back, scoots a little closer so his head can rest in her lap if he wants to. ] I just sort of picked them up. I've always had good hands.
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As for her, well. She's had 10 years to become very, very good at a facade of being well, and his presence has helped make that not entirely a front for the first time in that entire stretch. ] I mean it. If anyone thought less of you for this they'd be idiots. You're strong to have done this well.
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That's just another thing he doesn't know how to reply to though. He doesn't feel strong. He feels brittle, and loose, like all his screws and bolts have been undone just to the point of falling off, and too much rattling, too much exertion in any which way, will have him falling into parts on the floor. ] People are idiots anyway - they don't need to think that to fall into the category. [ So maybe that's deflection, but at least that's relatively normal from him. ]
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The fact that he feels like that and keeps going anyways? She thinks that's a pretty fair amount of strength right there. ] That's true. [ But she's not up for being deflected right now. ] I know you don't believe me, but the fact remains - you're still standing. And maybe it's shaky, but you are. That takes a lot.
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also he'd be mildly mortified by a seminar like that ]
It takes a lot more than it should. [ Ugh, god, this is. This is exhausting. This is exhausting and he's already in bed and good the cap is still on this bottle of water so there's nothing stopping him from taking advantage of the fact that they're sitting on his bed and letting himself just sort of fall backwards to lie on his back. ] Now I'm lying. I mean, reclining, not being untruthful. [ Although. Hah. But not in that moment, anyway. He's not tired, not to the point of sleeping, he's just tired in other senses. He'll sit back up in a little while, probably be up the rest of the night regardless of all this, because he can't process while he's asleep and he has quite a bit to process. ]
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then she'll do it in private and get them to talk to him so that he stops thinking like this.
There's a short pause, a space in which she just watches him with an expression that manages to achieve a fair amount of neutrality for the quiet compassion on it, and then she reaches out and starts running her hand through his hair. ] I can't make any promises, but. I'm going to do my best to help make it take less.
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That's probably going to keep him lying down a little longer though. Her touch is generally quite arresting, and he's not sure how it works that you can become addicted to something so simple, he just knows that it never feels like he';; be able to get enough of it. ] You do a lot in that respect as it is.
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Touch is a luxury, in some respects. Especially when you're them, and there are a very, very few people in the world that casual touch is acceptable from. She knows she will never be tired of him touching her. ] I'm glad. Maybe I can one-up myself though.
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Tony's still trying to get used to casual touch without expectation as something that can be considered 'normal'. He's not sure how to take it in that vein of things. ] Probably. I don't put much past you.
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Max and touch gets very complicated sometimes, because there are still moments all this time later when she becomes convinced that she's back in a cell, her mind creating people there with her just to keep her from completely losing it, and touch is how she remembers that she's not.
She could never touch them.
So touch is a means of reassurance of everything being okay, and touch that comes from care is a luxury that she's denied herself for a long time because there was no one she trusted enough to allow it who was also willing to allow themselves the danger of caring. It's almost never truly casual to her, but she's slowly learning to let it mean nothing in particular other than that she's happy he's here. She leans down to press her lips to his forehead, keeps running her hand through his hair as she sits back up. ] Totally shouldn't.
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He sits up on his elbows after a little while though. He really doesn't want to sleep again, and he doesn't want to get sleepy, and the quiet for even that little bit of time just now is more than enough. ] Are you going back to sleep?
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But at that she shakes her head, cups the back of his neck for a moment and then returns to stroking his hair. ] Not unless you are.
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He shakes his head just a little bit, because he doesn't want her to stop, nor is there actually much here that he's objecting to. ] I don't wanna keep you up. I'll be fine.
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A quick shake of her head in turn, smiling at him a little in reassurance. ] I never mind staying up when you're around.
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But you were asleep. When I woke up. Honestly, it's okay, you should sleep.
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I've been asleep a lot over time, I generally don't find it necessary to stay asleep. [ She runs her hand down to his shoulder, kneads the muscles there for a moment before sliding it back up to his hair. ] It's okay. You're not causing me trouble, don't worry about it.
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He is uncertain, and he lets it show a little bit, except when she's rubbing his shoulder because holy shit that was a thing he never knew he needed, and it's not until she starts carding her fingers through his hair again that he can talk. ] It is trouble though. You were asleep, and then you got up to help. Me, and then that was hard on us both I didn't miss that, and then now you're staying up - I don't even know what I'm going to do yet. I just... I don't want to sleep.
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Max no he doesn't know what to do with people who are just... available.
Well, actually, he does, he knows exactly what to do with people who are just available to him and it typically winds up in him taking advantage of the situation. And yes, by 'people' I mean 'Rhodey and Pepper'. Who else does Tony ever have a good comparison to?
But he keeps that thought to himself, and not just because he's busy with the way that her hands feel right now. He keeps it to himself because it seems like another reason this whole thing is his mess and she doesn't need to know all of it immediately, not like that. ] I'm not gonna do anything specific. I mean, I might get into it, but that's not the intention right now. [ Beat. ] Things are easier with you too.
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She hums a little, shrugs and keeps on with her impromptu massage because working with her hands is always in some respect soothing and she thinks it's helping him a little here too. ] It's okay. I don't feel like sleeping, so I'll just stay up with you. If you want me. [ Because there is always the option that it would be better for him to be alone, but she thinks right now that's not so much a thing. A pause of her own in response, and then she nods. ] I'm glad.
those are the shoulders she's rubbing look at those shoulders man
His response to that though, is without hesitation at all. ] I always want you. [ Which just means there's more pause before the following. It's time for some lightheartedness again. ] Sexually. Purely.
thank you for reminding me i would never have thought to look closely at his shoulders otherwise
She can run with the lighthearted section of that, because leaving it for precisely its face value is something she's going to store away for later. To remember. ] Both at once? That seems hard.
i'm glad i could be of service!
i just bet you are :|
ily
ily too
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is this thread wrapping up too?
it could well be, yeah, they're likely just going to stay awake together i think?
and not do anything in particular, yeah, that's what i think too
so long as he stops being an ass :|
shhh he's still coping
that's a terrible method of coping tony
were you expecting a good one????
admittedly not really
thank you
you are welcome. and okay yes i think that's about it for this one