[ She can get it later. If it's really necessary, if she decides that she really wants to know (and at this moment with his refusal to answer she's not completely sure she does want to know). It can wait a little while at least. She's willing to trust in his opinion for at least a little while longer, until her curiosity overwhelms her again.
Oh. It's a gesture she doesn't think anyone else knows about, grasps the significance of, but it's the first time she's actually let herself truly believe in him and she just nods very slowly, presses her hand to the reactor and him and breathes out very slowly. ] You came. [ Her sudden smile and laugh is very unsteady and sounds more like choked relief than laughter, but. ] God, Tony. You're here.
[ He nods a little bit with her, and his eyes are definitely bright but he's not crying, because he's not going to do that right now. But all that choked relief, all that everything that's on her face and between her words - he's got all that too.
And she's got her hand on the reactor sure, but there's layers of shirts in the way, and he doesn't even really think about it, he just pulls them up and puts her hand on it properly, because there. That's where it goes. He pulls them back down over her arm though, because he does have new scars and it's not the time for that, but at least, god, it feels like they're finally close like they should be. It's a little piece of everything being right, just for a moment here. ]
[ She's not quite crying either, though honestly that's more just because she's not sure where to even start with how she feels right now than anything. She also has significant experience in not crying, but at some point she probably will start crying and it'll be a little while before she stops again.
That is where her hand goes, and she pushes herself up in the seat, is working vainly at an attempt to kneel down next to him. It's proving difficult because she's kind of not doing that hot in general, but he's going to need to either just lie down in the seat with her or help her come next to him because those are the only options she currently views as acceptable, the ones that let her keep her hand on the reactor and him right next to her. He's okay and alive and she's alive and okay and nothing else matters at all. ]
Hey hey, where're you going, it's okay. [ He pushes her back down to the seat, because she needs to be lying down, that's definitely A Thing right now, that she is lying down. It doesn't take him too long to figure out what she's doing though, and while the seat isn't quite big enough for him to lie down next to her, he does what he can with it instead. One of his hands still firmly over hers on the RT, he indicates she slide over as much as she can, and then he gets on the area she vacated, and he pulls her back over. Okay? She's mostly lying on top of him with his free arm around her, which in some degrees is probably not that good for her, but if she's going to be moving around otherwise, he doesn't know what else to do. ] It's fine, I promise. Promise I'm real; I'm not letting go, okay.
[ She shakes her head, keeps trying until he's figured out what she wants because she can't really say anything right now, she probably would start actually crying at that moment and she refuses to cry right now. She just got him back, she'd like to hold off on the crying all over him for a little bit longer. That would be really good. And see, he fixed it. She knew he would find a way to fix it and she curls into him as much as she can, presses her face into his neck and ignores the fact that it hurts because everything does that right now and this is the closest to relief she can get. ] Okay. [ Her fingers sliding across the skin around the reactor as she keeps her hand resting there, right over his heart. ] Thank you. Sorry. It's all hard to believe.
[ That feels just a little weird, because that's not a thing that happens platonically particularly often. He doesn't mind, it's just a thing. A thing that only she is allowed to do and that's sinking in because he's got the only person who is allowed that close to his heart back here right next to it again and if she's having a hard time accepting that he's real, he's having a hard time accepting reality. ] Shh, it's fine. Don't worry about it. We'll be home in a while, okay, just... Take a nap or something.
[ If it helps, the fact that he's willing to let her touch the arc reactor and keep her hand anchored over it is about the only reason she's accepted any of this as real at all. It could still be an elaborate fantasy, of course, but now she knows it isn't someone else pretending to be him. ] No. No, no sleeping, please. I don't want to sleep, I don't. Want to. [ For a moment there she was suddenly completely alert, shaking her head as she clung to him tighter. ] I'm fine right here. I'm fine.
Okay, okay, no sleeping. Sorry, you seemed tired. You don't have to sleep. [ Because Tony doesn't quite have the same regard for physical health vs. mental health when it comes to those he loves. If she doesn't want to sleep, she doesn't have to, and he'll even help her stay awake until she has to sleep. It keeps her happy until her body itself cries no more and takes care of the problem on its own. Tony loves the people he takes the time to actually love; he truly and deeply loves them, would hate to betray them in any way. If that means their decisions mean their immediate detriment, that's fine, so long as they mean to their benefit in the long run. Tony's fine with playing the long game. ] You're totally fine. You wanna talk about something? I don't have a TV in here or I'd offer that. Anything we can do from here, okay? Truth or dare, singing songs, just chatting about stuff. [ Because he suspects she needs a fairly steady stream of sounds at the moment. ]
Thank you. [ That's actually probably quite a good strategy of his in this case, because she's terrified of falling asleep and it might be good for her but until she just knocks out because there's no other option she's still going to be scared of it. And if she slept right now it would wipe out the work he's put towards convincing her that this is real, which would also be a problem. ] I'm super fine. Everything's good. Please. [ Which is a response to the last bit, but it takes her a little bit to clarify that. ] Tell me how JARVIS is. Where is he? He's here somewhere, right?
[ Hey that's understandable. That's pretty much exactly the issue he's having in the flipped version of this thread. ] JARVIS is fine, he's pretty much everywhere.
Indeed. I've been given a few more liberties in the past weeks. [ Because hey, why not let your superpowered AI loose on basically everything so you can find someone? Makes things go faster, right? ]
Everything's basically the same, you don't have to worry about it. I'll re-give you the tour when we get back, you can see for yourself.
[ Except something about that seems slightly more not good. Something about the reason behind why he was given more liberties, she feels like she might need to know more about that later. ] Okay, a tour. I don't know what else there is to tell me, but can you keep talking? Just. Please say things, I don't care what.
i don't know why people invite tony to ramble he's very good at it
[ no don't pay attention to that it was a necessary thing - it saved time and human resources and theoretically gave him more time to sleep!!
that he didn't use ]
Pepper was worried about you. She does that. Worries. Not that - I mean, I was too. But so was Pepper. Everything's still standing though. And there's a terrible new season of America's Next Top Model on. I've heard. They've added male models though, so that's fun. Just as bitchy as the regular ones. Also I figured out precisely how many chicken fingers are too many in one week - there was this whole thing with an accidental automatic order and let's just say we're going to have beef and vegetables and seafood for a while, because I am so done with chicken. Just, unbelievably done, you don't even want to know how many chicken fingers. All of them. [ he's been talking about chicken for too long hmmm ] Then there's the usual, you know, so-called competitors releasing vastly inferior technology, people getting mad when mine is better. I did have to finagle a slight corporate takeover though, since there's this one thing that actually could have been pretty cool if it wasn't clearly designed by a bunch of CalTech grad students, and buying the company is just so much more efficient than worrying about all the intellectual copyright claims later on. Potential! We're dishing up the prototype now, looking at commercial viability within the next nine months. I'm not sure why it takes so long, but I've always assumed I'm paying someone to actually hand paint 'Stark Industries' on every single piece of tech I sell. It's the only thing that makes sense.
[ how's that. ] Also we're getting a bit closer. No naps, okay? Naps are not allowed - I don't want to wake you up again in ten minutes, because I'll feel bad and we're just not doing that today. [ not at alllllll, shhhh ]
[ She's just listening throughout that whole spiel, drifting somewhere very happily inbetween believing all of this is real and thinking that it's just a very beautiful dream as she keeps her hand firmly over the reactor, curls into him as closely as she can get.
There's literally no way she's going to fall asleep now, not with him talking. Not going to happen. ] Pepper's not supposed to worry. Nobody's supposed to worry, that's dumb. I've done this before. [ Her voice might be a little muffled against his shirt but she's still speaking reasonably clearly, mostly because her diction is very purposely careful. ] I can do seafood, though, sounds good.
I'm not going to sleep. Don't feel bad, I don't want you to feel bad.
[ He's not totally sure how to respond to that for a moment, but he doesn't have a whole lot of time to think because he's supposed to keep talking. It means he winds up not being as eloquent or elliptical as he otherwise might have been, but it gets the job done regardless. ] It's dumb to think people won't worry. Not when they - not when they're used to you being there.
[ She's allowed to talk into his shirt, he really doesn't care. She can have the shirt, if she wants it. ] See food, eat food. Time-tested slogan. And I was kidding, I won't feel bad. I'm me, I don't feel bad about making people uncomfortable.
[ Oh. She's silent for a moment after that, just kind of chews that over because that is the other side of this, the side where she missed him like someone ripped out part of her chest but what if he felt something similar? She doesn't want him to have felt that. She knew she was in danger, that's why she didn't get close to people, except she got close to him anyways and then she was safe and now everything's complicated. ]
Are you okay? [ He doesn't seem very okay. He hasn't seemed very okay since she first felt his mind, and she can't tell if that's because of her or not. ]
you know a lot of people are annoyed when he walks into a ROOM
[ nevermind whether he's even opened his mouth or not.
What. Why is she quiet. No, no, bad. He considers saying something else, probably random, another ramble, but she asks him a question before he can decide whether or not that's actually something he wants to do.
Is he okay?
Probably not. But fat chance in hell is he going to tell her that. ] What? I'm fine. I'm great, look. I've finally got you back. Best I've been in a while.
[ There's a ton of stuff she's going to have to process, over the next space of time, and she's starting the process in very vague spurts, just the beginning of awareness on things like how long it's been. How not okay he is. Whether he got any help, what she can do to fix this, how long it's going to take her body to heal this time.
This time. God, she hates that she has to put it like that.
She shakes her head a little, doesn't look up. ] Did you get help while I was gone at all?
[ She could totally walk, okay, he just didn't let her. She could probably walk. With a lot of effort and trying very hard not to cry. But she could do it, in theory.
There's a short pause as she considers that statement, mulling over it. She's fairly certain that she doesn't believe it, at all, which is paradoxically actually more of a confirmation that it probably is actually Tony. ] I don't think I believe you.
[ His argument this time is that if you can't do it without crying then you probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place and he doesn't think it counts. ]
Well that's dumb. You should always believe me. Look at me, I'm totally believable. What did I ever do to you to make you think you can't believe me?
[ Okay okay, no, lie back down, it's fine, he'll stop lying if you lie down okay, it's not worth you getting back up. ]
Hey, it's cool, come back. Sorry. It - [ ugh he hates telling the truth though it's so icy and metallic coming out of his mouth. it just feels that way sometimes. ] It wouldn't have been as often as you liked, but I did. Promise. When it was really necessary. I took care of it before by myself, it was okay.
[ She stills when she starts to get a real answer, curls back into him and listens and it's not entirely what she wants, she wants him to have been completely okay (she wants to have not left him in the first place) but it's better. ]
Okay. I believe that more. [ Staying here, now. ] I'll help. You fix me, I fix you. It'll be fine.
[ Okay, good. Now that that's settled. They're really not that far away, but he doesn't really know what to say right now anymore before they get there. ] We'll be fine. And also home soon. I'm gonna carry you inside okay, I won't let go, I'm still here.
[ She's just going to quietly cling to him as much as she possibly can right now, and okay now she might be starting to cry a little bit, completely silently and hiding her face against his chest still, the only evidence in the slight shake of her shoulders and the tightness of her voice. ] I missed you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Oh. It's a gesture she doesn't think anyone else knows about, grasps the significance of, but it's the first time she's actually let herself truly believe in him and she just nods very slowly, presses her hand to the reactor and him and breathes out very slowly. ] You came. [ Her sudden smile and laugh is very unsteady and sounds more like choked relief than laughter, but. ] God, Tony. You're here.
no subject
And she's got her hand on the reactor sure, but there's layers of shirts in the way, and he doesn't even really think about it, he just pulls them up and puts her hand on it properly, because there. That's where it goes. He pulls them back down over her arm though, because he does have new scars and it's not the time for that, but at least, god, it feels like they're finally close like they should be. It's a little piece of everything being right, just for a moment here. ]
no subject
That is where her hand goes, and she pushes herself up in the seat, is working vainly at an attempt to kneel down next to him. It's proving difficult because she's kind of not doing that hot in general, but he's going to need to either just lie down in the seat with her or help her come next to him because those are the only options she currently views as acceptable, the ones that let her keep her hand on the reactor and him right next to her. He's okay and alive and she's alive and okay and nothing else matters at all. ]
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Indeed. I've been given a few more liberties in the past weeks. [ Because hey, why not let your superpowered AI loose on basically everything so you can find someone? Makes things go faster, right? ]
Everything's basically the same, you don't have to worry about it. I'll re-give you the tour when we get back, you can see for yourself.
no subject
[ Except something about that seems slightly more not good. Something about the reason behind why he was given more liberties, she feels like she might need to know more about that later. ] Okay, a tour. I don't know what else there is to tell me, but can you keep talking? Just. Please say things, I don't care what.
i don't know why people invite tony to ramble he's very good at it
that he didn't use ]
Pepper was worried about you. She does that. Worries. Not that - I mean, I was too. But so was Pepper. Everything's still standing though. And there's a terrible new season of America's Next Top Model on. I've heard. They've added male models though, so that's fun. Just as bitchy as the regular ones. Also I figured out precisely how many chicken fingers are too many in one week - there was this whole thing with an accidental automatic order and let's just say we're going to have beef and vegetables and seafood for a while, because I am so done with chicken. Just, unbelievably done, you don't even want to know how many chicken fingers. All of them. [ he's been talking about chicken for too long hmmm ] Then there's the usual, you know, so-called competitors releasing vastly inferior technology, people getting mad when mine is better. I did have to finagle a slight corporate takeover though, since there's this one thing that actually could have been pretty cool if it wasn't clearly designed by a bunch of CalTech grad students, and buying the company is just so much more efficient than worrying about all the intellectual copyright claims later on. Potential! We're dishing up the prototype now, looking at commercial viability within the next nine months. I'm not sure why it takes so long, but I've always assumed I'm paying someone to actually hand paint 'Stark Industries' on every single piece of tech I sell. It's the only thing that makes sense.
[ how's that. ] Also we're getting a bit closer. No naps, okay? Naps are not allowed - I don't want to wake you up again in ten minutes, because I'll feel bad and we're just not doing that today. [ not at alllllll, shhhh ]
yes she loves it when he does
There's literally no way she's going to fall asleep now, not with him talking. Not going to happen. ] Pepper's not supposed to worry. Nobody's supposed to worry, that's dumb. I've done this before. [ Her voice might be a little muffled against his shirt but she's still speaking reasonably clearly, mostly because her diction is very purposely careful. ] I can do seafood, though, sounds good.
I'm not going to sleep. Don't feel bad, I don't want you to feel bad.
that seems odd
[ She's allowed to talk into his shirt, he really doesn't care. She can have the shirt, if she wants it. ] See food, eat food. Time-tested slogan. And I was kidding, I won't feel bad. I'm me, I don't feel bad about making people uncomfortable.
but it's his voice and that means he's there
Are you okay? [ He doesn't seem very okay. He hasn't seemed very okay since she first felt his mind, and she can't tell if that's because of her or not. ]
you know a lot of people are annoyed when he walks into a ROOM
What. Why is she quiet. No, no, bad. He considers saying something else, probably random, another ramble, but she asks him a question before he can decide whether or not that's actually something he wants to do.
Is he okay?
Probably not. But fat chance in hell is he going to tell her that. ] What? I'm fine. I'm great, look. I've finally got you back. Best I've been in a while.
yes but they are idiots
This time. God, she hates that she has to put it like that.
She shakes her head a little, doesn't look up. ] Did you get help while I was gone at all?
many would argue so is he
I had lots of help. [ uhh, looking. for her. That counts. ] When I needed it. Everything's fine.
no he is fantastic
There's a short pause as she considers that statement, mulling over it. She's fairly certain that she doesn't believe it, at all, which is paradoxically actually more of a confirmation that it probably is actually Tony. ] I don't think I believe you.
what
Well that's dumb. You should always believe me. Look at me, I'm totally believable. What did I ever do to you to make you think you can't believe me?
that sentence seemed fairly clear to me man
When it comes to your own wellbeing? Everything.
nope
Hey, it's cool, come back. Sorry. It - [ ugh he hates telling the truth though it's so icy and metallic coming out of his mouth. it just feels that way sometimes. ] It wouldn't have been as often as you liked, but I did. Promise. When it was really necessary. I took care of it before by myself, it was okay.
he is super great is that clearer
Okay. I believe that more. [ Staying here, now. ] I'll help. You fix me, I fix you. It'll be fine.
ya sure ok
that doesn't sound very clear
weren't you the one who was supposed to be being clear?
i was super clear but then you weren't
not my job
but that means i have to do all the clarity that seems hard
yeah it seems like it might be
wow look at all this sympathy you have for me
i spaced them out what do you want from me.
you are ridiculous i can't even
yeah probably
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)