fe_male | memeboxing

[ She feels the blank out of his mind, knows that hers is going similarly utterly still for the first time in a long time at the sight of him, at the way he's moving towards her, the suit left behind as she pushes away the person supporting her and takes a step forward of her own, not quite steady but she doesn't care, she doesn't have to be steady anymore. If he's really here, if it's actually him, he can do that for her. If he's really here. If it isn't him who gives a damn if she's steady or not? ]

Hey. [ She clears her throat, voice too rusty for her liking, and tries again as she lifts a hand, retracts it again. If she reaches it out and he's not actually there she won't be able to handle that, even if reaching out and touching him doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things, not since the first week and the time they'd had someone who looked just like Tony, felt just like Tony, right down to the gentleness of his hand before - They'd enjoyed that game, and maybe this is just another round but she can't stop her movement towards him, hasn't ever been able to. He looks so real, his mind different from what she remembers and that's a good sign she thinks. Their him had never had the suit, too. She collects her evidence and tries to believe in it, tries not to think of the way her heart had jumped instinctively when he walked in. ] How's it.

[ She bites her lip, hard enough to bleed as she breathes in. There's heat coming off his body, she can feel it. He was so angry, when she felt him before, angry the way only Tony can quite manage, the sort of anger on her behalf she's felt from him before. She wouldn't make that up, right? She doesn't pull her hand away this time when she raises it, but it hovers just next to his face as she watches him, frozen and not able to make the last half inch, not able to let herself believe it could be real. He's so close. ] I need you to tell me if you're real or not. [ Her voice catches just a little bit, trips over itself. ] Please don't lie to me. It's okay if you're not, I just need to know.

[ Hallucination, another attempt to fuck with her, but please to whatever there is above let it be him. She knows full well she doesn't deserve him and never has, but hasn't she paid enough in blood that it makes up for that? ]

[ He stays still as she reaches out to him, and understands but feels a flare of - what? anger, sadness? - when she retracted her hand. The both of them seemed to be having trouble allowing themselves to believe that what they were looking at was truly what they were looking at, that it wasn't some sort of second elaborate ruse to finally crack and crispen their spirits once and for all.

The little inquiry, like nothing's devastatingly wrong with this picture as a whole, forces a very small smile, a quirk of his lips. But then that too, retracts, as she continues to catalogue and consider. She bites her lips, and that's so wrong, because she's already broken and bleeding enough as it is, he doesn't want her to do any more of that than she has to, and definitely not over something so unimportant as himself. He's the one who couldn't even tell he didn't have her, that he was literally sleeping with the enemy, until it was far too late. Nevermind that realizing any later than immediately counted as far too late.

Her hand reaches out for a second attempt, but can't close the distance on its own, and the tremor to her voice is probably similar to the one that would have been in his own if he weren't using hers to shore himself up on. They can't both fall apart. It would be stupid to anyway, now that he's finally found her again. So he slowly turns his face, keeps looking at her but twists to press a kiss to somewhere in the middle of her palm, keeps turning and ducks a little bit to press his face into her hand, let the fingers slide against his hair and then settle on his cheek and jaw like she'd put them there herself. ] Very real. I'm right here, okay? I'm gonna take you home.

[ She loves that momentary smile so much, wants to find a way to get it back because she likes it so much more than the look on his face right now. She's not even sure how to classify it, just knows that it probably reflects her own fairly well right now and she'd rather he were smiling even if she knows it's not necessarily a reasonable wish. Nothing is really a reasonable wish right now after all, is it?

She'd do anything to just sit and watch him smile for a little while.

His lips against her skin are impossible and so gentle, her fingers curling through his hair for a moment before he rests her hand against his face, a facsimile of every time she's done it herself, in comfort or just because she can or reassurance. For a long moment she's still frozen, just watching him and taking in the feel of his skin against her hand and then she closes the distance between them with a brutal suddenness, buries herself against his chest and hides her face in him, free hand twisted into his shirt to keep him close to her, right here, he can't go anywhere. This might not be real but it has to be. ]

Sounds good. [ Her voice is muffled against his shirt but there's life in it again even as it breaks a little, because she may not entirely believe this still but she can smell him and feel him and there's the arc reactor through his shirt and his voice and it's all okay for at least this one tiny span of time. It might end any moment but for this moment she could carry mountains. ] Can we, please. I want to go home now.

[ It's cool, neither of them needs to particularly sit down and catalogue all their feelings and emotions right now - they'd both probably just explode from the effort. Too many things to keep track of, too many things to keep in.

Going home though, that's not an unreasonable wish right now, not if he can help it, and he totally can. He can help it, and her, and when she collides into him, pulls herself in and close and stays, he holds her just as tight in return. Arms around her, shoulders and back and torso curving around her to keep her safe and protected like he hasn't been able to do properly for ... too long now (and that's his job. What good is a sentinel who can't protect their guide? What good is a hero who can't protect their loved ones?) He stands tall and solid for her because that's what he should do, and when she speaks again, all it does is strengthen the resolve to always do so. ]

Yeah. C'mon, we're going home. [ It's more or less murmured just to her, because they're close, and he doesn't need to be loud. He's been very loud for a while now, and she's here again and he doesn't have to be anymore. All he does for the moment is shift a little bit, bend and move one arm from around her torso to under her legs because she looks exhausted and broken and that's about all he can take of that. The only thing that'll make him let go of her right now is her asking him to. ] JARVIS, take the suit home. We're taking the ranger back.

[ Yeah she might actually explode from any kind of emotional understanding effort right now. She's not even trying to understand what she feels beyond knowing that she is too happy at him being there, it's dangerous, but she can't stop it either.

And god that feels good, feels safe and right to have him that tight around her even if her body aches with almost any move. She doesn't really care about that anymore with his arms around her, his body sheltering her. Some part of her is already starting to realize that he hasn't had her for a while, that that can't have been good for him and he's so unlikely to have accepted help from anyone, but for the moment all she can really do is curl tightly into him.

There's no protest at all to being picked up except for a momentary grimace of pain which is perhaps a sign in and of itself given how little she generally enjoys anything of the being carried nature. She leans into him as much as she can, breathing in the smell of him as opposed to the smell of this place, nods slowly when he says that. ] I'm sorry. [ Almost too quiet to even catch, her voice still hoarse. ] Don't let anyone drug me again.

[ Shhh, Max, don't think about things like that. He was fine. Technically for a while, he did have her, soooo...

But don't actually think about that either, okay. Like, at all. Okay? Everything's fine here. He's just going to hold her tight and no one's going to stop him walking out right now because the big part of the mission is done and the look on his face is just going to tell them the answer they'll get right now before they open their mouths.

Also it's okay, because his senses are all turned up to eleven right now, so he totally heard that. Double okay, because it doesn't make him angrier or anything. Not at all. ] They won't. Nobody's going to do anything you don't want them to.

[ Yeah, she can't not think about it, she loves him and he's important and whether or not he's okay is important and it's easier to worry about him than it is to actually think about anything that's been happening. But it's still a relatively side consideration because a lot of her brain is taken up with everything else.

And she doesn't know about the other thing yet, too. Finding out about that is going to be interesting. But for the moment, yeah, she's wrapped up in how solid his hold is, the fact that they're out of the cell and going through hallways she's never seen too clearly and can't see now really and she's okay with that, her eyes are closing as she presses further into him, reaches out the fragments of her mind that she has control over towards his for the reassurance of his presence, for the double physical and mental closeness.

It wasn't supposed to make him angrier, okay, she knows why they needed to but at the same time she hates the dullness that comes with it, wants to be terribly absolutely clear on these moments and his presence. But she sighs out in relief at that promise, hand in his shirt twisting tighter with each step forwards. ]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go. [ She promised him. She promised him she would always be there and then she wasn't and she's not even sure how long it was, just knows from the patterns of healing that it was too long. ] I wanted to stay, I'm sorry.

[ Seriously, he's just wrapping shields and shields around her, over and over again. As high and strong and thick as he can craft them, as quickly as he can. He opens his mind up to hers enough to be helpful and a safe place for hers to retreat to if she needs it, but hopefully not quite enough for her to see too deeply in - he neither wants her to actually see that, nor potentially be overwhelmed by it.

Sorry though, he can't really control being angry. He's gotten very good at using it to keep his focus sharp, so to a degree, okay, he can control the anger, just not whether it's there or not to begin with.

But holy god she can't just say things like that, okay. That's not fair at all, and it takes him a little by surprise and hits him altogether too hard, painful in his gut and tight in his chest all at once. So, also don't pay attention to his voice at all, okay. It's not much tighter all of a sudden at all. ] It's okay, I know. [ He can at least glance down at her and offer that same sort of smile he did earlier. ] It's fine, okay? I'm gonna fix it.

[ She can feel those shields, welcomes them with almost bone deep gratitude as she hides herself in his mind, curls into the space he's given her. She doesn't have the energy to go seeking any further yet as much as she might want to, so for a little bit that secret is safe. For now she's just going to stay right here and just not move.

She's going to be really sad once she realizes how consistent his anger has gotten, what the response to her being taken was. There is so much better that she wants for him, so much about relationships that makes her terrified about the ways she can hurt him, and this is one of the worst because this is the one she has no control over at all.

Shit, no, that's not. What she meant, she's just so twisted up right now. Her eyes slide back open a little when she feels him looking down and she drinks in that half a smile, watches him steadily with her eyes wide and fixed on him. ] I know you will. [ She's not entirely sure she's capable of being fixed, in truth, but if anyone can do it it's him. ] You fix everything.

[ Seriously there's really just going to be a lot of general sad and anger and shit surrounding them for a while, I think. But he'll never hold this against her - he's invested too much into being angry at those for whom he does for that to be a thing that will happen. There's probably going to be a little bit of time involved in constantly making sure she's still there, still nearby and safe, still her, and a fair bit of hiding of recent actions taken on his part, new scars crossing over old and the full extent of how far things got with her impostor before he realized what was happening.

Shh Max don't feel bad. Everything's fine, okay? Everything's still fine. He's walking into the ranger now and setting her in a seat and leaning it all the way back, and it's his and he built it and JARVIS is awesome and because of all that it's also awesome and it's packing up and flying home. He'll check on everything in a minute, but he has faith in his creations and less faith in what he sees now, so he's just gonna stick with her for a while. ] I do, I fix everything. It just takes a little while sometimes, but I'll figure it out. Do you need anything?

[ Yes that is fairly accurate. Fairly very very accurate. But if he thinks she's not going to go digging as soon as she realizes what happened, isn't going to try to find out every trace of her left in his mind and make sure that she didn't do anything that can't be fixed - well, that's just not going to happen.

Sticking with her is definitely preferred in this moment. She tracks everything in the Ranger briefly, eyes very sharp as she evaluates it and its safety and then they slide back to him and she softens again, lets herself relax because right, Tony's here, that means it's safe. ] How long? [ The question isn't one she enjoys asking, but that doesn't mean she doesn't need to.

Timing can be important. How long he was left alone - that's important. ]

[ He's quiet while she orients herself with the ship that is - to her - new. Stays in place while he gaze slides around and returns to him, and keeps the lines of his face calmer and as okay as he can find it in him to do. But that question is - not really one he can answer for her. So he misinterprets it on purpose. ] It's a fast ship, we'll be back in a couple of hours.

[ Quite new, really, and she's not sure when this became a thing but he's still there, solid and steady in her field of vision, so that's all right. She can handle that. But she's fairly certain that was deliberate on his part and she leans back a little further. ] That long.

[ But she nods after a moment, segues into choosing to take him as he's answered it. ] Okay. I can do that. Tell me - [ a pause as she just watches him, and then she holds out her hand. ] You are real, right?

[ He's thankful she let him answer it that way, even as he feels slightly guilty for not giving her the answer she wanted. She'll learn the extent of the time she was missing, very likely as soon as they get back to the house, where the date and time are always within earshot. He's letting her be spared that particular detail for the duration of this trip before she has to learn that as well.

But that pause, the way she reaches out - god it just makes something crack in his chest, some kind of soreness deep within it that's somehow unrelated to all the other shit that's literally already in there. He reaches out with his own hand, moves it at the same pace she did, and takes hers firmly but gently. ] I am very real. I promise you. [ Actually, he scoots a little closer to her, kneels next to the chair to stay lower than her, but moves to place her hand over the reactor, with his hand above hers. ] Completely real.

[ She can get it later. If it's really necessary, if she decides that she really wants to know (and at this moment with his refusal to answer she's not completely sure she does want to know). It can wait a little while at least. She's willing to trust in his opinion for at least a little while longer, until her curiosity overwhelms her again.

Oh. It's a gesture she doesn't think anyone else knows about, grasps the significance of, but it's the first time she's actually let herself truly believe in him and she just nods very slowly, presses her hand to the reactor and him and breathes out very slowly. ] You came. [ Her sudden smile and laugh is very unsteady and sounds more like choked relief than laughter, but. ] God, Tony. You're here.

[ He nods a little bit with her, and his eyes are definitely bright but he's not crying, because he's not going to do that right now. But all that choked relief, all that everything that's on her face and between her words - he's got all that too.

And she's got her hand on the reactor sure, but there's layers of shirts in the way, and he doesn't even really think about it, he just pulls them up and puts her hand on it properly, because there. That's where it goes. He pulls them back down over her arm though, because he does have new scars and it's not the time for that, but at least, god, it feels like they're finally close like they should be. It's a little piece of everything being right, just for a moment here. ]

[ She's not quite crying either, though honestly that's more just because she's not sure where to even start with how she feels right now than anything. She also has significant experience in not crying, but at some point she probably will start crying and it'll be a little while before she stops again.

That is where her hand goes, and she pushes herself up in the seat, is working vainly at an attempt to kneel down next to him. It's proving difficult because she's kind of not doing that hot in general, but he's going to need to either just lie down in the seat with her or help her come next to him because those are the only options she currently views as acceptable, the ones that let her keep her hand on the reactor and him right next to her. He's okay and alive and she's alive and okay and nothing else matters at all. ]

Hey hey, where're you going, it's okay. [ He pushes her back down to the seat, because she needs to be lying down, that's definitely A Thing right now, that she is lying down. It doesn't take him too long to figure out what she's doing though, and while the seat isn't quite big enough for him to lie down next to her, he does what he can with it instead. One of his hands still firmly over hers on the RT, he indicates she slide over as much as she can, and then he gets on the area she vacated, and he pulls her back over. Okay? She's mostly lying on top of him with his free arm around her, which in some degrees is probably not that good for her, but if she's going to be moving around otherwise, he doesn't know what else to do. ] It's fine, I promise. Promise I'm real; I'm not letting go, okay.

[ She shakes her head, keeps trying until he's figured out what she wants because she can't really say anything right now, she probably would start actually crying at that moment and she refuses to cry right now. She just got him back, she'd like to hold off on the crying all over him for a little bit longer. That would be really good. And see, he fixed it. She knew he would find a way to fix it and she curls into him as much as she can, presses her face into his neck and ignores the fact that it hurts because everything does that right now and this is the closest to relief she can get. ] Okay. [ Her fingers sliding across the skin around the reactor as she keeps her hand resting there, right over his heart. ] Thank you. Sorry. It's all hard to believe.

[ That feels just a little weird, because that's not a thing that happens platonically particularly often. He doesn't mind, it's just a thing. A thing that only she is allowed to do and that's sinking in because he's got the only person who is allowed that close to his heart back here right next to it again and if she's having a hard time accepting that he's real, he's having a hard time accepting reality. ] Shh, it's fine. Don't worry about it. We'll be home in a while, okay, just... Take a nap or something.

[ If it helps, the fact that he's willing to let her touch the arc reactor and keep her hand anchored over it is about the only reason she's accepted any of this as real at all. It could still be an elaborate fantasy, of course, but now she knows it isn't someone else pretending to be him. ] No. No, no sleeping, please. I don't want to sleep, I don't. Want to. [ For a moment there she was suddenly completely alert, shaking her head as she clung to him tighter. ] I'm fine right here. I'm fine.

Okay, okay, no sleeping. Sorry, you seemed tired. You don't have to sleep. [ Because Tony doesn't quite have the same regard for physical health vs. mental health when it comes to those he loves. If she doesn't want to sleep, she doesn't have to, and he'll even help her stay awake until she has to sleep. It keeps her happy until her body itself cries no more and takes care of the problem on its own. Tony loves the people he takes the time to actually love; he truly and deeply loves them, would hate to betray them in any way. If that means their decisions mean their immediate detriment, that's fine, so long as they mean to their benefit in the long run. Tony's fine with playing the long game. ] You're totally fine. You wanna talk about something? I don't have a TV in here or I'd offer that. Anything we can do from here, okay? Truth or dare, singing songs, just chatting about stuff. [ Because he suspects she needs a fairly steady stream of sounds at the moment. ]

Thank you. [ That's actually probably quite a good strategy of his in this case, because she's terrified of falling asleep and it might be good for her but until she just knocks out because there's no other option she's still going to be scared of it. And if she slept right now it would wipe out the work he's put towards convincing her that this is real, which would also be a problem. ] I'm super fine. Everything's good. Please. [ Which is a response to the last bit, but it takes her a little bit to clarify that. ] Tell me how JARVIS is. Where is he? He's here somewhere, right?

[ Hey that's understandable. That's pretty much exactly the issue he's having in the flipped version of this thread. ] JARVIS is fine, he's pretty much everywhere.

Indeed. I've been given a few more liberties in the past weeks. [ Because hey, why not let your superpowered AI loose on basically everything so you can find someone? Makes things go faster, right? ]

Everything's basically the same, you don't have to worry about it. I'll re-give you the tour when we get back, you can see for yourself.

[ Sleeping sucks man. ] Oh, good.

[ Except something about that seems slightly more not good. Something about the reason behind why he was given more liberties, she feels like she might need to know more about that later. ] Okay, a tour. I don't know what else there is to tell me, but can you keep talking? Just. Please say things, I don't care what.

you're terrible i'm terrible nobody can ever be happy

\o/

your sense of celebration is terrible

thank you

you're welcome

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