fe_male | memeboxing

[ They both don't have very high opinions of themselves or their own worth to each other, when it comes down to it. In some respects it's easier for her to understand what she means to him because there's more tangible evidence of it, the obvious effect that she has on him when his senses are flaring or something's going wrong and she can soothe it because her mind is designed to do that for his.

Her own improvement is quieter, less obvious. In part because she's had years to become used to the idea of being broken and to learn to hide it from people very effectively, so the change is not marked. It is simply her day to day existence changing from a mask that keeps her hidden from scrutiny to something that is true and happy and herself. And when she does such a very good job of faking it, it becoming simply the truth is - perhaps less evident than she'd like it to be. She's told him that she's happy, but then he has no real way to measure that in comparison because he never saw how very unhappy she had been. When she still was so very thoroughly unhappy, she didn't know him well enough to let him see it ever, wasn't close enough to consider the possibility that he could help. And then he had anyways, without even knowing, without necessarily specific intentions to. Just by being. She's still not sure how he's changed how she feels about things so very thoroughly.

It's taken her some time to really realize the discrepancy in their ability to understand what the other person is doing for them. Time and having caught the impression in his mind more than once of one sidedness, of not reciprocating well enough, and that is something she refuses to let continue. She's tried to tell him subtly, to mention her happiness and her appreciation of him, but she's fairly certain he still doesn't actually get it, doesn't really understand how much he means to her and how much everything he has done for her means to her.

So she's going to make that clear, and it took a little bit to come up with this but now that she has she just waits for the next time they've idly kissed their way to the bedroom, slides her hands down his arms to wrap around his wrists and whispers against his mouth inbetween kisses. ] I'd like to tie you down. [ It's possible, of course, he's not in the mood for this and she'll just have to delay until the next time he is. But she can generally convince him to do what she wants, and what she wants right now is him in a position that he has to listen to her, can't brush it off as something she's just saying or doesn't actually hold meaning. What she has to say isn't the sort of thing she would ever just say without absolutely meaning it, and she won't let him try to take it as anything else. ]

[ It's not particularly something he intends on reintroducing her to, the feeling he has about how lopsided this relationship can be. How lopsided it is. Most of his relationships are like that though, the ones that mean anything - they all come out to a sense of indebtedness to the other person involved, purely for their willingness to stay involved despite the laundry list of reasons that are more or less daily pointed out why they shouldn't. It rarely stops him from continuing to take advantage of the fact that they are still around, but that just winds up being another reason they probably shouldn't be. That's just how things go with him.

She's one of the more tangible of those relationships. He can usually see the wear and tear he puts on things, but he can actually feel the way her moods change, and while he isn't solipsistic enough to assume that he is the cause of all of those, he still feels like he has a large enough culpability for them. Sure, he can feel some of the more direct evidence to where he's helping her in return, but it looks more or less like the proverbial drop in the ocean.

Right now though, he's not thinking about any of that. It's not something he enjoys dwelling on; is, in fact, something he actively avoids thinking about (because he feels bad about it but he's selfish enough to need her to stay with him even if he isn't giving her what he ought to be in return). He tries not to even consider the issue, and particularly not at times like this, when casual proximity has broken out into kissing and bedrooms again, and there are far more positive things on the horizon. He doesn't resist when her hands slide down to grasp his wrists, feels a frission of energy buzz under his skin for a moment when she speaks without moving away. He doesn't have a problem with that today, and the way he moves to kiss her harder for a few moments before replying indicates as such. ] You'll have to move to find something to do it with though. I'm not sure how okay I am with that.

[ And that's why this needs to happen, because the fact that he genuinely believes that, really thinks that he's indebted to her, it bothers her a lot. She can understand why it is that he doesn't have a full appreciation for what he's done for her, can understand it even more because she can feel what she does for him and she still sometimes thinks she hasn't done enough, hasn't given him enough back.

So this is something that definitely needs to happen, needs to be done and she's not sure he's going to take it very well and it might make things really weird for a little bit, but he's going to hear this if she has to tie him down and gag him for him to.

Well. She's going to do that anyways, because she knows him well enough to know that it's not going to happen very easily or well otherwise. So she kisses him back as hard as he's kissing her, matching and pressing upwards against him, and then she pulls away and presses her lips to the side of his jaw, the hollow under his ear. ] I don't remember asking if you were okay with that.

[ Well if she feels the same way sometimes then he doesn't understand why she's quite so against him feeling that way himself. That doesn't seem fair.

It might, but that doesn't mean it's not something that may or may not ought to happen regardless. I mean, he certainly doesn't think so, but I'm personally looking forward to it. And right now so is he, still, because this just feels like it's going well, and there's that frisson again, as she pulls away and says that and he tries to go with her. ] That's - [ distracting ] - highly inconsiderate.

[ It's complicated.

Or possibly just hypocritical. Maybe that. It's a feeling she finds uncomfortable, because doing things because of a feeling that they're owed isn't a way to do things that she likes. Most of the time she can avoid it, can narrow down her motivations to the fact that she likes him and wants to do things for him because of that, because she feels wholeheartedly that he is worth anything.

I'm rather looking forward to it too. She hums against his throat, makes sure her angle means that he can't follow her well as she smiles. ] Do you really want to argue that point?

[ Oh, but of course. "Complicated". Of course it is.

Hypocritical is far more likely, as far as I can tell. And see, he finds doing things out of obligation, when it's obligation that he has assigned and walked into himself, those types of things are comfortable. They make him feel good when he does them, because they feel like a tit-for-tat repayment in turn and kind and things can be balanced. He has his own skewed vision of interpersonal relationships - it differs from her own by quite a lot - and that happens to be one of the dividing tenets.

Wow, rude. He'd really like to follow her, as indicated by the way he absently keeps trying. ] Probably not. I feel like I do but mysteriously I think I probably shouldn't.

[ Yeah, in a lot of ways it's just very hypocritical. Something she kind of despises, but also puts a fair amount of effort into trying to avoid being a thing. It's just hard, for her, to separate the concept of something that someone feels is owed into something they can also want to do, even when it's something she's felt herself, because for years obligation was her life, both in what she did and how the people around her treated her and why she was helped. Because she'd saved them in the past, because she'd taken a fall where no one else would and they owed her a rescue, because they owed her time or the comfort an empath can provide or any number of things.

She doesn't like obligation, most of the time.

She nips at his skin, tightens her grip around his wrists. Just let her work at your neck here for a little bit, she wants to leave it marked before she moves away fully, wants to have that on his skin before they have this particular talk. ] Smart move. [ Her mouth lingers on his skin a little longer, almost nervous, and then she runs her tongue along his skin where she's marked it and steps away, dropping his hands as she turns her back to him. She has things to retrieve, here. ] I'm pretty sure you know how to take off clothes.

[ They're both highly hypocritical, it's kind of hilarious. But right now has little to do with anything from his side of things. He's not aware of the whole plan here, so he's not thinking about any of that.

He's all but pliant underneath her the more she goes to work at him. His own hands are distracted from what they might have wanted to be doing, there's an occasional push of his hips in no real direction, just an instinctive need for them to move, somehow, and he stays there for a couple of seconds after she stops, totally not stunning and lagging, before he sits up on his elbows to watch her. Well, for a moment; he moves to take his shirt off and that's done within a matter of three seconds. ] How many?

[ That's what being self-sacrificing and ridiculous leads you to.

But yeah, he's got a little bit to realize that's where this is headed, her staying just out of reach of the push of his hips because nope, no distracting her allowed. She shrugs without looking back, lifts out a pair of cuffs and lets them dangle from her hand as she inspects the cupboard. ] How many do you think?

[ Being self-sacrificing and ridiculous leads you to not being told things? That's rude, he's just trying to put you before himself, Max. Somewhere along the line he's pretty sure he's been directly told that that's what you're supposed to do.

It's actually really distracting, whatever she's doing over there, even if he can't see it. He's not particularly sure what she's doing, just that it's more or less arrested his progress with the clothes while he stares at her back to try and figure it out. So far he's managed to get his over-shirt, socks, and shoes off, because clearly these are the most important things. The undershirt, pants, and underwear are a mere formality, probably up until she turns back around and says something about it. ]

[ It leads to them both being hypocritically absurd people. She doesn't want to be put ahead of him. He's far more important than she is, that seems pretty clear to her.

She does in fact glance back over her shoulder, raises an eyebrow at him still watching her and drapes the gag she just pulled out casually over her shoulder, still watching him. ] That's how many you think? [ The implication clear in her voice that that is definitely not enough clothes off. ]

[ But that's wrong, so, she's going to have to suck it up and deal.

He manages a faintly innocent look that actually doesn't even fool him all the way up until she just so casually shows him the gag, cool and nonchalant, and something in his face shifts almost immediately. It's a good shift, just difficult to explain. But his hands move back to his clothes, even if it's somewhat distracted for the way he won't stop looking at what he can see her doing over there. ] Wasn't done yet.

[ No, no it isn't. It definitely isn't wrong, she's fairly positive of this.

No, seriously, that's not even remotely fooling her. Like at all. She shakes her head and finishes pulling out what she needs, ambles her way back to the bed and sits on the edge of it, blatantly checking him out as he continues taking off his clothes with approval in her eyes. ] A color again? [ Because regardless of what she's doing, he needs to have a way out if it's too much. ]

[ Looks like they'll just have to agree to disagree about Max being totally wrong.

Seriously just watching. He's very intent on watching her hands. He's taking breaks to look up at her face every now and then, but they're nothing more than stolen glances - his focus is definitely on her hands. It happens every now and then, anticipation getting the better of him, and he doesn't feel self-conscious about the way she casually and deliberately appraises his body. He's learned to more or less simply stubbornly refuse to be so about his scarring, and in regards to everything else, he simply doesn't feel the need. ] Same one. Still works. What are you gonna do?

[ I'm pretty sure it's something a lot of couples who like each other a stupid amount have to agree to disagree about. Once dumb emotions start getting involved (and Max would like to submit that these are really dumb feelings, seriously, she never asked for these and she tried to avoid them), each person always thinks the other person is more important.

He can watch away, at the moment she's just sitting there on the edge of the bed watching him, cuffs in a pile beside her and gag still draped casually over her shoulder. At least until he acknowledges her inquiry about the safeword, because now she's going to start to set to work, even if her first move is simply to slide a hand very slowly down one leg, position it as she wants it and move one of the cuffs down to start to secure it to the bed. For the moment, she has no intention of not giving him a show. She wants his full and undivided attention, and to get it she's going to have to make sure he understands who's in charge here and why she deserves it. ] Same one it is. It's funny, but I don't remember saying you could ask questions.

[ Yeah, that makes sense.

He's fairly easy to maneuver how she wants, because this isn't the part of things that's worth being difficult for. That part comes a little bit later, after the choice is more or less already taken away. Somehow that's more fun. ]

So we're doing 'it's not allowed unless I specifically said it was allowed' tonight. [ Which isn't a question! Well, no, it's totally a question, it's just phrased like a statement, since she just more or less said he's not allowed to ask questions, but he'd still like the clarity. He also enjoys pushing things, so even while he's letting her cuff his leg to the bed, he's pushing against the abstract restraints already. ]

[ She moves on from one leg to the other, swinging up onto the bed to kneel between them as she looks up at him and smiles just a little, slow and secretive. ] Keep talking, see if I can't find a way to make you listen. [ Speaking of things that are going to happen regardless of whether he keeps talking at that or not. Her hands slide up his legs, watching him with her head tilted to one side as if daring him to say something more right now.

She is totally daring him, and the smile on her face is growing into the smile of someone who knows she's going to win. It's really just another method of provocation, but one she frequently finds is very effective. ]

[ God, that smile, it makes his face do that same thing it did a few moments ago. He likes that smile. And he likes her words too, if the slight twitch to his half-hard cock is anything to go by.

While her hands travel up his legs, he watches her face, her expression, his own clearly indicating that he's trying to decide whether or not he wants to fall for such easy bait this early on in the game. He has built up neither scolding nor favor so far; the ball is hers either way and they both know it, but it's pretending not to at first that's half the fun. ] People have been trying to find something like that for forty years. I wish you luck.

[ She totally appreciates that look on his face, likes the way his cock responds to her without her even needing to touch it yet. It would be terribly easy to just get lost in how he looks and feels underneath her again, right here, but she's got a purpose and she's going to stick to it.

She scoots her whole body up further, enough that she can lean down to kiss him thoroughly and hard, pressing him back against the pillow as she slides her hands up his arms, adjusts their positioning so that in a moment she can tie them down too. After a long moment she lets up, breathing a little heavier herself as she grins down at him. ] How about that?

[ He opens up to her fairly easily, gives it enough resistance to make her push down a little more, to keep him where she wants him, but doesn't fight the way she repositions his arms at all, keeps them where she leaves them when she's done. ] That's generally the most reliable method, I think. Yeah, that's good. [ Nevermind that he's still actually talking. Out of breath, but even still. Technically she's said he can't ask questions, not that he can't talk. Specifically. ]

[ She likes that little touch of resistance, really, because it makes it more interesting to explore his mouth and see if she can't steal his breath for a little while. When he starts talking she's still grinning, watching him with a wide smile as she waits him out. ] Not good enough, apparently. [ She slides a cuff up, snaps it onto his right wrist and from there to the headboard, still watching him. ] I'll have to keep going.

[ He's fairly out of breath when she's done kissing him but he's not going to let a little thing like respiration stop him from talking. His eyes track the movements of her hands - he typically does watch her as she restrains him, for reasons he can't really explain. He just needs to watch her do it, because otherwise it might not be what he's expecting, or something. He hasn't really bothered to try and dissect the mentality there. ] I liked it. You can keep going though, I like that too.

[ Well if he's not going to let a simple matter like needing breath stop him from talking she's going to have to get a little more inventive in a moment here, isn't she? ] Can I now? [ But she's watching him watching her, for the moment, and then switching over to secure his other hand because she does have a purpose to get to, here, once she's ready. It's not until she's thoroughly finished making sure that his range of movement is pretty limited that she does lean in to kiss him again, heated and insistent and with everything she needs to say to him in it, her hands sliding up to cradle his face as she presses him down against the mattress. ]

[ He has to, it's something he always does, surreptitiously or not, but he has to test them. Once everything is on, he needs to test the restraints. This time it's just casual, quiet, a short tug and a slow pull on each of them more or less in turn. And then she's kissing him again, which saved him the bother of shifting his attention to her after he was finished testing, since she's now simply claimed his attention anyway. But he loves what she does, holding his face (keeping him still) and pressing him down into the mattress in the process. There's a low note of approval from his chest as she does. ]

[ She thinks she's used to him testing the restraints by now, a little, and there's a tiny space she gives him to finish that before she's making sure that she has his attention completely, that he can't shift or move away from her, can't do anything but kiss her back. And she's kissing him quite intently, wanting to get as much as she can out of this right now before she has to pull away, like she does now because it's time to get on with things. Her eyes scan his face but she doesn't ask how that one was, this time, just slides the gag off of her shoulder and holds it loosely in one fist, resting against the mattress by his head as she stays in place watching him. ]

but once you read this you should sleep okay

i apparently read it and then fell asleep while sending you a text

i'm glad you did sleep that's excellent

last night i slept like a big rock apparently

i think our sleep schedules are synced and also i hear lots of sleep is good for you

so i hear

pretty sure that's not true though

what's not true

i was going to say sleep being important but i think i've decided that is going to be true eventuall

+y. also so i got distracted reading an old fanfic this thread suddenly reminded me of

Re: +y. also so i got distracted reading an old fanfic this thread suddenly reminded me of

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