fe_male | memeboxing

[ That - is a fair point, true. She just doesn't know what to do with people caring enough to be angry that that was her life, because she's become accustomed to the reality of it and the fact that there wasn't a choice. It was just a thing, it happened, she had to deal with it so she did. And everyone else did too, so it didn't make sense for others to get angry about it. Even if she'd had anyone willing to. John had, still, sometimes, but that had always been tainted by how he'd abandoned her to try to achieve her not having to deal with it. So this is something that at once feels nice but she doesn't really know how to respond to at all.

She doesn't particularly know what more she can do for him right now but what she already is, staying close both physically and mentally, open as much as is safe and trying to keep a close eye on anything he might need or want. Reassurance and faith and the steady belief in his goodness is all she knows to offer, right now. ]

[ He doesn't know what he wants for a little while. He probably wanted to be left alone, but at the same time, he really didn't want to be left alone. He wanted to be let go, and then he realized that might not be a great idea right now, and he can't just stay here, tied up with nothing to do, because that will just mean he gets to dwell on things and that is potentially the worst idea of them all, honestly. He doesn't know what he wants. He couldn't even tell her what he needs right now.

So it's a little while where he just accepts the small amounts she can give him, the small amounts she is giving him in an attempt to help him stay calm and stop with the overload. He appreciates her presence, curls into it as much as his current restraints will allow - and he still likes those, oddly. They make him feel safe when she's here, like she won't let anything happen to him, even if it's him - and takes what it will give him. He would like to kiss her - he almost needs to kiss her, really, but he doesn't quite know how to express this specifically. He can try and think it at her, stare at her lips. He doesn't want to be let go, he just wants to kiss her, he needs to, and then she can put the gag right back on, he doesn't care. It's probably a better idea if she does.

Really he just wants her to stay. He wants to stay like this until he can relax, and relax fully. Otherwise he'll get up and work himself back up and then be agitated and that won't help anyone, now will it? That would be the opposite of what she's just tried to do, what he's still trying to accept. ]

[ She's not going to let him alone right now unless he's very clear in that desire, because it feels kind of like a very bad idea, but the whole possibility of dwelling if he simply remains trapped is also a problem. She's playing this moment entirely by ear, really, trying to determine moment by moment what he needs or wants, what the difference between those two things might be. That he is okay is the most important thing right now, nothing surpassing it.

And she does pick up on that thread of thought, because she's paying rather close attention to his mind right now, any part of it that he's letting stay open to her, and that's practically aimed at her. There's a moment where she just watches him, trying to be certain that that's what he wants, but he seems fairly certain and kissing him is something she's not at all opposed to, is something that she thinks might be good for them both right now. She slips the knot of the gag loose, replaces the cloth with her mouth almost as soon as it's gone so that there's no space for him to try to say something. Right now she doesn't want him to say things, just figure it out for himself. Her kiss is thorough, calm but possessive and claiming, a little rough. Hers, hers, hers, that is what her mouth is saying, because right now she feels a need to reiterate that.

There's no chance of her leaving, not until he wants her to, so he's safe there. She's going to stay with him for as long as he wants her. ]

[ He's actually somewhat pleased when just having thought it at her seems to have worked, she's reaching for the gag, and there's a split second where he wants to say something, is thinking of what he is going to say despite how not more than four seconds ago he had decided he didn't feel like talking. There's this split second that happens before the choice is once more removed from him, and he's grateful for that all over again, just as much as he is that she listened and is letting him have this, have this kiss. She's kissing him like he's worth something, like he's something she considers valuable, something she wants to keep, and it brings the tightness in his throat and some of the water in his eyes right back. He ignores them both though, kissing her back as much as he can with his limited range of movement and the way she's controlling the kiss itself. He lets her claim him, feels warm and wanted because of it, but pushes back occasionally in the attempt to also say something with the kiss. It isn't often that Tony Stark can accurately express gratitude - and maybe that's not what this is, per se, because he's still accepting the thing he's supposed to be giving her thanks for - but this is fairly close, all considered.

As long as she's not leaving, as long as this kiss lasts for at least a minute or two, after that, he doesn't know. He isn't thinking that far ahead right now, really. He's not thinking ahead too much at all - his trains of thought are all moving sluggishly, overloaded and too heavy to run in the smooth lines and systems they're typically used to. He just knows that right now, this moment, he's okay. ]

[ She could have guessed that he was going to try to think of something to say anyways, part of why she kissed him as soon as the gag was gone, because she doesn't think he's actually ready to say anything yet, would be saying things for the sake of saying them and that's not necessary. She doesn't need to hear anything from him until he actually wants to say it. The rest of her reason for kissing him is simply because she wants to, badly, wants to feel them together in some respect, the way their mouths fit together and how he pushes back against her. He's giving back, there, and she's not entirely sure what it is he's saying but she knows that she likes it.

There is no way she's going to leave him right now, not until he either asks her to or she is certainly that leaving wouldn't harm any of the progress she thinks she's finally made. There's a thoroughness to the press of her mouth that means this kiss can go on as long as it takes for him to think of what he wants next. Anyways, she's not thinking very far ahead right now either. Most of her attention is fixed on him and the way he feels beneath her and the faint feeling of okay-ness she's getting from him. That's all she wants, really. Him to be okay. ]

[ He's totally not ready to say anything yet - if he had had the chance to speak, he would have started talking about something else, probably, and that's not helpful or beneficial right now. Not necessarily the precise opposite of those either, but right now the situation could probably use all the help and benefits it can get.

Like this kiss, which is saying so much anyway, reinforcing everything she just told him, everything she just showed him, and he doesn't know how to accept that but he can accept this, the tangible proof of it beyond the ephemerality of memory and emotion. She's being definitive, not allowing for any misunderstanding, and she's taking her time with him. He still doesn't know what to do, really, but he can tell that something has shifted. Hopefully it will stay that way.

He starts to disengage when he starts to run out of breath in earnest. He stayed with her as long as he could - partially because it was just a really good kiss and partially because he was still considering what he was going to do now - but he does eventually have to pull away, pulling in deep lungfuls of air. And, hey, if that was another way to keep himself from talking, give himself some more time, he's okay with it too.

But now he's not doing anything and he still can't move and he's looking at her trying not to actually pant the breath back into himself and he has no idea what he wants. He wanted this, without the trick. He might still want it. He doesn't want to be left alone, and he's fairly certain that if they stop here and he gets up and dressed and they go try to do something, anything, it will almost immediately feel awkward and they'll split out of separate senses of preservation. He might still be trying to find the last traces of reassurance, one last check for deceit in her eyes. Mostly though, he wants her to say something. He thinks she's probably waiting on him to say something, but all he can offer her right now is the clear feeling of not wanting to be alone - which she clearly already has - and a sense of trying to come to his feet on what is now a very shaken foundation. He needs something to build it back up with, and he has no idea what that would be. ]

[ That was approximately what she was thinking, too, when she kissed him, because right now it's best to keep things simple and free of complications.

Even if some complications are pretty understandable. Regardless of that, she thinks this kiss is pretty important. She's showing him as much care as she can with it, as much effort towards understanding and being there for him in any way he needs as possible. As much as one can show it with a kiss, she's trying to provide him tangible proof that she doesn't intend to go anywhere. Not now, and not ever until he wants her to.

There's a long moment after he has to pull away for air where she's just watching him, silent and heavy and one hand curled around the back of his neck where she'd reached it for cementing purposes. What now? She's not entirely sure, just yet, but she knows that this next part is perhaps just as important as the actual telling. If she treads it wrong all the progress she just made could go away, and she can't have that again. So she watches him for a little bit, dark eyes searching for something in his face and in the meantime leaving her clear and open for his search for any lack of truth.

And then she dips her head and presses her lips against the side of his neck, warm and soft, breathes out against the skin as she moves a little away before moving downwards a little bit, planting a trail of kisses down his neck around to the hollow of his throat. ] I'm so happy I met you. [ She's just going to keep telling him this for a little bit, probably, leave it printed clear in her mind open to his if he wants it. ]

[ He predictably doesn't find anything even close to falsehood on her face. Which he's happy about, he's good with not finding any of that. Honestly, he's not really sure why he was looking. It wasn't something he was hoping for, wasn't something he expected to be there - he just has to look. Tony Stark can't not look once he's thought of something. He can't not come into contact with it, can't resist the urge to poke and observe and learn and prod.

At least they can look for the secrets in the other's face together. His own isn't as studiously impassive as hers is right now, isn't half as earnest. There's a bit of worry, a lot of uncertainty, some happiness, and a little bit left for various mixed emotions flitting around in the meantime.

And he hasn't quite got his breath back by the time she does that, leans in to kiss his neck, but it's a fair amount so far and it's not like he has anything better to do right now, anything to use it for. She hasn't put the gag back on - he's not sure if she will or not, given that it apparently had a particular purpose - but he doesn't really feel like talking anyway. Most of the things he thinks of in response to her words are counter-productive, contradict the point she's trying to make and he's struggling to accept. His throat feels tight anyway, still, and it's just so much easier to turn his head a little so it's easier for her, tilt it back when she moves in that direction too. That doesn't mean it's impossible to talk - it's almost impossible for him not to talk, actually - but he's not nearly as verbose as he normally would be. But for the moment, quiet, keeping his mind to himself because that was still a lot, he's pretty convinced she wasn't lying, doesn't really need to feel it again so quickly. ] It's mutual.

[ She doesn't know what specifically she was looking for on his face, but she knows that what she finds isn't a bad thing. She just switched around something he'd apparently been believing very very firmly in, changed it all up on him and he hasn't had a lot of time yet to settle with what's left. There will be time.

The gag might go back on in a minute, she's not sure yet. For the moment she wouldn't mind hearing his voice a little bit, just in reassurance and certainty, but she's also not sure it's actually a good idea to let him start talking too much. So it will depend a great deal on how he acts in the next few minutes as to whether she leaves it off or puts it back on.

And in the meantime she's going to settle her mouth here by his collarbone, work at setting her mark into his skin because she is his and he is hers and she wants to leave a visible notice of that on his skin, wants him to feel it when he shifts and think of her. That movement of his head to make it easier on her is appreciated as well, makes his neck easier to work with, leaves her hands free to slide down his sides and back up. ]

[ He'll need a lot of it. Among other things.

That's potentially a pretty good idea, because even though he knows he shouldn't be talking, doesn't really feel like talking, if there's too much silence? He's just going to have to fill it in. Like a compulsion. Tony is an impulsive person with certain compulsions, and one of them is against silence.

Even when her mouth is doing these things. Things to his clavicles and then his neck, and her hands down his sides and back - and that's borderline ticklish so he tenses for two reasons and it's nice, and it feels great, but that even more just means... ] I mean, I'm glad I met you, not that I'm also glad you met - that's the same thing. You know.

I know. [ Soft against his skin, and one hand reaches up to press a finger against his lips for a moment. Shhh. ] No talking unless I say so. [ She'll see how long that lasts (bets are all on not very long at all), and then she's going to gag him again because they're past the serious conversation part and he doesn't need to tell her any response to it, not really. All she needed was him to believe her.

She'd been hovering the whole time she talked to him, so it's almost a relief to lower herself, press her body against his and run her hands down and around to his lower back, pushing him up just a little bit against her hips. And that also feels good, and she's not entirely sure what she wants to do right now but she knows she wants it to be with him. ]

[ Yeah, he sort of hums a slight protest to that, but doesn't say anything. It's not even something he's particularly opposed to - he's pretty okay with not talking right now actually - but it's not something that ever comes easily to him, and especially won't be so right now. It's usually a problem because he has too many thoughts, too many ideas and things to say and not enough space to keep them all sorted, to process them as quickly as he wants to, and lacks the concrete impulse control to let them take the extra time. Saying them aloud lets a verbal process also take place, slots things into place easier, and vents some of those extraneous thoughts. That and he just likes talking. He's good at talking. Not talking, when he's got as many things to think about as he does right now, it helps and it hinders, and he suspects that's usually the point. It makes him focus on what she's doing, forces thoughts to reorganize themselves accordingly.

Like that. Just like that, where she comes down to meet him and half his thoughts just vacate the premises, because she'd been so close but not actually touching him, not more than a little bit, and he hadn't realized how much he was waiting for her to do that. He shifts up a little bit when she moves her hands, realizes after she pushes that that was the point of that, the closeness and the pressure, and then he's not sure whether to relax back or lift up higher. There are a lot of things he's not sure of right now, actually, which is a new thing for him, sort of, but at the moment he's okay with letting her show him what he should be knowing, what he should be paying attention to. ]

[ And she's okay with guiding him, right now, with letting him take his cues from her for the moment, because she thinks it might help somewhat. Might ground him a little bit, give him something to focus on and work with that will help clear out some of the thoughts and doubts she strongly suspects he's having. If he can concentrate on something else long enough to let the belief of what she'd said sink in, maybe it will work. Maybe, maybe.

So she slides her hands up, runs them over his shoulders and arms a little bit as she grinds against him, looking up enough that they can see each other's faces, that she can see what he looks like and smile at him in reassurance. There's a stillness there for a moment, and then she leans down again to press her mouth to his skin, start to move downwards a little bit, towards the skin around the reactor first and the sensitivities hidden around it. ]

[ It's a process, staying quiet, but moreover staying receptive. He takes a deeper breath in as her hands slide up his body and over his arms, a little unsteady for the pressure in the grind elsewhere, lets it back out even more unevenly but a little faster. He doesn't look as worried as he might have a couple minutes ago - if he did - but he's still definitely processing. That's going to be a process for a while.

But as ever, particularly when he's not talking, he's watching her carefully, observing the little and more obvious movements. It's not out of distrust, just because he likes to, likes trying to anticipate what's coming, likes having something to concentrate on, at least a little bit. Where his lips had been pressed together before, because she said not to talk and he's working on it, they part with a quick inhale as she starts to uncover those sensitivities she was looking for. ]

[ She can feel his eyes on her. It's good, in it's way, because she generally finds it rather flattering when he's watching her. It speaks to his liking of her, and of her form, and she's got a little bit of a vain streak on occasion. Besides which it's just gratifying to have his attention so focused, to be able to accomplish that.

She's putting a fair amount of effort into manipulating his sensitivities, moving back up to his pulse here and there, the aim of her mouth drifting a bit lower a few times. Whatever her future plans are, for the moment her goal seems to be simply getting him thoroughly aroused in every way she can, hands moving down to slide slowly up and down his thighs. ]

[ It does take an awful lot of doing to capture his attention so distinctly and completely. She probably ought to take some measure of satisfaction or pride from the ability to do it almost whenever she wants.

She's doing a pretty damn fine job of it, all things considered. She occasionally hits a spot more sensitive than another and not talking just means he has more time to try not to make noises and fail, little ones that are clearly escaping despite the effort to prevent them. He shifts his hips a little bit, arousal gradually becoming more obvious with the movement of her hands and the attention from her mouth. ]

[ She totally does take more than a little satisfaction and pride from that particular achievement, no worries. It's not something everyone can do, and she's well aware of that.

God, those noises are so good. She loves them, the smallness of them that means he's trying to hold them back and can't, the shift of him against her. There's no pause from her, shifting herself further down so that she's kneeling between his legs, mouth on the skin of his stomach as she follows the path of his muscles further down. ]

[ Those noises are just going to get more frequent, as she shifts lower, because he can't really help himself. He was all worked up initially and then got really angry and then really anxious and confused and sort of sad and now he's sort of really worked up again and it's just been a lot of feelings, okay. But the noises are sounding closer and closer to words, or at least sentences, even if they're still technically neither. He's not saying anything, he's just not saying anything in a way that sounds like he's saying something. He just really likes blow jobs, okay, and it seems like that's what she's about to do, at least a little bit, maybe, and either way she's near to a part of his anatomy that's getting quite excited again, following his twitching muscles down. He's trying to listen to her, really, he is. He's working on it. ]

[ She glances up at him at one of those noises that sounds more and more like words, gives him a look that's somewhere between reproving and slightly amused before she lets her hands slide up his thighs and just rest there right where his legs meet his torso, moves her mouth further down until she can slide it around him, tongue at work as she starts out slow and small, just moving slowly up and down the top few inches of his cock. ]

[ Yeah that's not going to last long at all. He gets much quieter at that look, but she was right in her estimations in regards to how long he could go without saying anything. Actually she probably accelerated them - and knows she did - with this course of action, but it's not like he cares whatsoever. ] Ahh, fuck. Wait, shit, no. I'm not- [ Talking. Who's talking? He's not talking, he's biting his lips and looking up at the ceiling. He's totally not talking. ]

[ God, she loves that. She loves the rasp to his voice and every tension in his body right now, even if he's totally talking and she told him not to and now she has to stop, take her mouth off of him, hands spread out on either side of his hips as she looks up at him. ] Tony. [ Soft but firm. One warning, that's all he gets here. Even if she loved the self correction, the way he's not watching. She wants to make him watch, waits until he's looking down at her to take him back in her mouth. ]

[ It takes a few seconds, because he's busy looking vaguely guilty at the ceiling. He let out the rest of a frustrated breath when she moved away from him, tensed his arms against the restraints because dammit that was all on him and he's more or less giving in to this part of their interaction now because it means he can put off processing the first part for that much longer.

But she doesn't say anything else, and he can feel her watching him, so he carefully looks back down at her, makes eye contact and wow he can already tell that's what she was waiting on from the look on her face, that's not even fair. She moves back down and starts again and he has to watch, not just because she's basically making him but just because the sight of it is something that needs to be watched, even if it draws a slightly higher hum from the back of his throat in the process. ]

[ She's okay with him putting off thoroughly processing it for a bit. Hopefully some of it's processing in his subconscious at least a little bit right now, and then later it might be a little easier to think over once he's had some time to let it settle.

Also she just really wants to get him off, now, wants to make him watch her enjoy herself getting him off, because she loves that noise he's making and she loves the look on his face right now and she loves making him make that noise and that face and feel good. God, but he's beautiful, and her hands are running down his legs and back up to his hips in appreciation of just how much she appreciates having him under her, even as she slowly starts working more with her mouth, taking him a little further in before sliding him out and then repeating the process, slowly. ]

[ Yeah, it's probably using whatever processing power his subconscious has to 100% going 'what the fuck just happened down here'. That'll be fun once it reconciles and rises to the surface.

He manages to watch that for all of about two and a half repetitions, the sound getting gradually more crackley or broken until he's actually almost being quiet, until he just blurts out: ] Gag me. Again, please, I can't - you said no talking and I can't, I can't 'no talking', I really can't, and I don't want you to stop again - I don't want you to stop now, but I'd rather you stop now than you stop later when you're further down or doing anything with my balls or, fuck, even further back, or literally anything more than what you're already doing, because I'm going to start talking just like this once you are and I won't be able to stop, just like this when you do and really you should be proud I can make this sort of tactical decision right now. [ Was that all one breath? Maybe it was two, or even two and a half, but it sure sounded like all one breath. He's still watching her, he hasn't been able to tear his eyes away from the sight of her, but there's a real plea in the request. ]

[ She stops as soon as he starts talking, just rests on her hands and watches him with eyes dark and blown, something almost like a smile at the edges of her mouth. She can't say she wasn't expecting something like this, but he's being even more vehement than she'd expected and she loves the urgency in his voice, the way the words almost bleed together in his haste. ]

Okay. [ All she says as she moves back up for a bit, knees bracketing him as she reaches for the gag again, holds it loosely in one hand while she leans down to kiss him again, as hard as she can. It takes a little bit to pull back from that, but when she does she starts to settle the gag back in place, still watching him intently, still smiling a little. She doesn't talk again until it's settled, when she taps the side of her head. ] You know the safeword. Don't look away. [ And she's sliding back down his body again. ]

alskdfd it's far too true

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

it's okay though his brand of not okay can be pretty great

fun to play out anyway

that is for sure

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