[ Empath, Tony. How to treat emotions and keep people from flipping out is one of those things she gets. Kind of really well. Doesn't mean she always employs that knowledge, but when it matters she does. And he matters.
She really doesn't have much experience on this subject - on the near death experience part of it, sure, she's had more than a few of those. Too many, really. Betrayal, though, not so much. Her only real betrayal was meant to save her, she's not sure if it even counts as a betrayal. She might not have the experience to fully understand it but she's in his head, she can see how much it's affected him and she can at least see the feelings as he has them if not have a precise personal understanding of them. She's hardly going to dismiss that lightly, the feelings themselves or that he was willing to give her the context of his behavior even when she'd stopped pushing for it specifically, but for the moment she can let it fade into the background, instead smiling at that low noise as she sets a slow and steady pace for now, pulling away and pushing back, breathing starting to go a little uneven. ]
[ Yeah. Well. People aren't supposed to make sense, much less their emotions. And he doesn't matter that much.
There's yet more relief at her allowing it to fade into the background for the moment, even while he can't really manage to push it all away himself. He tries to, because holy god he's in her and all the anticipation and this is what he was waiting for, he doesn't really know what else to do with that except let her ride him out, so that's what he aims for, but all told, he's hers. Right now, he's almost entirely hers. A little obstinately every now and then, clearly, but on the important matters, or anything else, he's hers. Keeping his eyes open as she sets up a pace is a little more difficult, but if he grounds them on hers and then tries then it goes a little easier. Good luck, hope you wanted eye contact. ]
[ Maybe not to him they aren't, but emotions not making sense would be as weird to her as not being able to hear would be to him. And okay, see, that's a notion she's going to disabuse him of someday. Because he does matter. Of course he matters, how could he not? Even if they were only talking on a completely personal level, he's made her happy again, and that's something she'd started to believe wasn't possible. But it's not just personal, it's all the people he's saved, the things he's made possible. He matters to her immensely, to the world plenty as well.
She hadn't been expecting eye contact, given his avoidance of it before, but she's more than okay with it even if she can't maintain it quite as consistently as he can. But she likes it, likes the intimation of closeness and the continuation of faith put in her, the feeling that he is hers, in this moment at least. It's as good as his hands on her, and for now she can substitute her own for those, sliding down his chest and up her thighs as she moves, helping herself a little like she'd been helping him earlier. She has a little catching up to do. ]
[ Yeah but he's the sort of person who needs to see something before they can really start reacting to it. He needs to actually see the blood poisoning gridlining through his skin before he'll acknowledge the problem; he needs to lay eyes and track the difference in someone who's just been told something to actually fully get the impact it had on them, otherwise it's theoretical, it's all just theoretical. He knows on some level he makes her happy because look, she's here, and she's happy, but he doesn't really get the level to which that's changed because he didn't know her well enough until they were a little ways in to start seeing it. And the people he's saved, they're recompense for all the ones he's killed, even indirectly. It's all a balance, and it doesn't tip in his favour either way.
Yeah, well, he had a secret to be squirmy about before, but now he wants connection. Needs it, because you hide things before you share them, and after you share them, you watch, to make sure that you haven't just run the other person off. Another tracking of reactions, gauging and measuring to see if it was the right choice. The path of her hands is a fairly good way to break it though, and he switches to following their smooth ascent up her thighs with just as much attention as he was using to look at her eyes a moment ago. If it's actually even possible at this point to get any harder, that's definitely happening. ]
[ She's good at putting on a front, too, good at making herself look like someone relatively normal and at ease. To genuinely know how much he's given her he would have had to know her still in the middle of everything, still caught up in something that seemed to have no end and no escape, and really know her then. She could show him, but showing anyone her past on purpose is a no-go for multiple reasons, starting with she's never wanted pity and ending with she doesn't think anyone deserves to feel the inevitable emotional barrage that would come with those memories. And mostly she doesn't even realize that he doesn't get it because to her it's just so obvious.
In this case it's pretty clear he hasn't run her off at all, her mind still open to his and lightly casual about it, no attempt to move away, her eyes holding his when possible and then watching him watching her and goddamn the attention in his eyes. It's a strange feeling, having him so focused on what she's doing to herself as well as to him, but she finds she doesn't mind, even likes it. She trails her hands up to her breasts, closes her eyes now for the moment because him watching her and him in her and all of this, it's a lot all put together. When she finally lets herself make a sound it's his name on an exhale, a little ragged and half a plea. ]
[ Right now an emotional barrage like that would be a super bad idea anyway - I know you didn't mean 'well here now i'll show you mine' but still - talk about overwhelming.
That's how Tony works though, his mind is everywhere when he's not focused, and when he is, it's laser beam intensity and precision and complexity, and getting it to switch from everywhere to laser when he isn't inclined to do so or is just not given the right set of catalysts is more or less like trying to turn on the sun. She has, in this moment, by taking away half of his ability to scatter, holding him in place, silently, even holding his head so he looks more or less where she wants, he has to focus, on her. And then she does things and he just wants to focus on her - he is already, after all.
The sound of his name, like that, he makes an almost silent whine, because he wants to touch her - the way he's flexing and then grasping the headboard he's cuffed to indicating his need to touch things - and he needs movement, just a little, trying not to shift in anticipation and almost, almost managing it entirely. ]
[ Yeah, seriously. If she ever did, she'd pick sometime with much less going on. But, well, she won't. Not without a very very good reason.
She wasn't really sure if this would work, if this was a way of getting his attention that would work thoroughly, would work the way she wanted it to. That it has and that he seems to be okay with it, it's kind of really good. It's confirmation of this working (if working in unconventional and complicated ways), that she can help. She's not going to lose him because she's done something stupid.
And fuck, that noise and his hands clenching and grasping and the things they could be doing, she has to close her eyes again as she moves again, puts her hips into it and lets one hand drift lower. It's hard to coordinate movement between her entire body and then also just her hands specifically, but so long as she doesn't look at the expression on his face she can manage it, can keep pulling them both further along, can start to share how she feels at this moment with him silently. ]
can't tell if that's actually reassuring or somewhat disappointing
[ He's totally okay with it, which is in itself a little strange, given his penchant for ostensibly controlling most aspects of any given situation, but hey. If it works. And this is working, pretty damn well, even. He's radiating relief not only from the advancement of their respective situational state but also just from the sheer weight relieved from having to handle everything by himself, or on his own at all. Occasionally Tony requires - no matter how dependent the relationship might be otherwise - a firm grasp on the literal and physical responses in one way or the other. It's just easier when it's from him outward. Not to mention, she doesn't seem the sort to comfortably relinquish control.
But for the moment, he'll have his hands on her soon enough, be it this experience or the next, there's little need to worry as to how thoroughly he'll repay this altercation between them. As much as he enjoys relinquishing control, he enjoys the play back and forth of such, so in as much as it's unlikely he'll ever see fit to restrain her, he wouldn't mind showing a certain level of dominance another way. It's just that it's far more comfortable in this direction. Like, unreasonably more comfortable. It's dumb how happy he is about this series of choices. But he's also happy to provide whatever is needed for the partner, be that any sort of partner. It's a weird area in which he's willing to give more than anything, even if he prefers the opposite. Interpersonal relationships, man. They're oomplicated things.
In the moment, his breathing goes a bit heavier with more movement, still watching her carefully - what else does he have to do right now, at least when she's not hitting the right spot to make him close his eyes and clench down further - and, really, what else, continue to watch her. The sharing of emotion, almost overwhelming in itself, and for a little while he does close his eyes, because processing is difficult enough when you have extraneous sensory input. ]
kdhfd would you like me to threaten your honor i could do that
[ That relief is really good to feel, mingling in with the emotional input and output she's moderating, and it really is a lot all together. She shudders, keeps moving and leans back just a little to adjust the angle. She hadn't been sure, at first, if this would even work, and that it has is enough for relief to fill her emotional output as well, mingle in with the pleasure and the feedback is - god, it's strong, she slows for a moment with a moan before she can continue at pace.
He'd be right in guessing that she's not the sort to easily let go of control. Trust is hard. Trusting that you can put yourself in someone else's hands at your most vulnerable and they won't hurt you sometimes approaches impossible to believe for her. With him it's mildly easier to believe, as in if the possibility came up she wouldn't immediately dismiss it with extreme prejudice. Sometimes she wonders if it's comforting, to be able to do that. To let someone else make decisions for you for a little while, to have things out of your hands. She can never make up her mind.
Seriously, interpersonal relationships. She'd sworn off of those before him, and half the time here she's still sure she's about to fuck things up somehow, horribly, make it all go wrong because her experience in genuine relationships is limited and in the 'doomed' category. She can't help that she's sometimes terrified this will go the same way. But for right now it seems to be going pretty okay, in this moment. She got this bit right, very right it seems, and she can't stop being happy about it. ]
[ Comforting on some level. On another there's a sense of danger that's hard to dismiss, but for some people that sense in itself is helpful. You wouldn't really think that someone who appears at face value to put so little thought into their personal well-being would really consider something so moderately mundane as this to be dangerous, but the act in itself is a level of opening up that he does feel out of his comfort zone with. Their conversation and his own subsequent display of motives being a fairly good indication of that. It's not as though he actually thought she would do anything, but the sheer fact that he put himself in the sort of situation where she might be able to stand above him and demand some sort of apology or rebuttal to his own actions is worrisome enough to elevate the situation to something a little bit beyond kinky. It's not the physical he's worried about - he's already done that, and while it would still suck, there's other things that beleaguer his mind first.
But for the moment, hey, she should totally be happy about it. He's fairly pleased with things right now too, so there's that, at least. The memories aren't particularly assuaged, nor have they faded, but there's a level and manner of intensity faded to speak to the sheer weight resolved in showing someone else something that's bothering you, or allowing them to have all the pieces involved in understanding your motivations. Even criminals have that, to the point where it's a trope. Granted, a lot of the time they need people to see how clever they are, but he's got an outlet for that. In this case, it's more a matter of needing people to see how screwed up they are, why they act the way that they do, and not just their intellectual reasoning for doing so.
The shift in angle is a beautiful thing, and he makes another sound in appreciation - most change is a good thing at this point. Not that anything needs changing, just that the difference in stimulus, the inability to get used to any part of it, that's never going to be something he complains about. His breathing is a fair bit faster now, deeper, chest and torso now involved in the push and pull of air in and out, and he's intermittently pulling against the handcuffs so hard that the bed has made its own sounds of protest once or twice. ]
[ It's something she would consider dangerous herself if she did it, and it's something she's not entirely certainly she's pleased he's apparently willing to do - for her? with her? at her demand? She is pleased, in some respects, particularly the ones where it got her teh results she wanted, but on another level it bothers her a little. Not that he was willing to listen to her, because that's great, but that he was willing to give her so much control. Even with the failsafes, even with the fact that deliberately hurting him would be so so difficult for her even if only because of instincts, it's still. It's complicated. But she wouldn't have liked it if he'd contradicted her, so she's not entirely sure how she feels about this entire thing yet other than pleased it's worked. She'll sort out other feelings later.
So for the moment she is pretty happy about it. Anything else, any dissection of it, that has to wait for later. For right now she's a little bit busy with him, with understanding and processing what he's given her even as she continues to move. Some of it will have to wait for later. Most of it, really, because she's slightly preoccupied at the moment. But it's still good to have, that knowledge, something more to add to how she can help him best. And that's really what she wants, most of all. Not even as repayment for all he's done - just because she can. Because she likes him, a lot, and therefore he deserves this.
The flex of his muscles with his breath gets her attention, her eyes flickering across him, across his hands and the headboard where he's straining it, how he's trying to touch her. Concentration on any one thing is difficult at the moment. It's fallen to the wayside beside searching for the perfect angle for both of them, adjusting minutely as she gets feedback from her own body and through his mind his, a low sound in her throat at his attempts to move. ]
you're going to threaten my /love/ now that's just mean
[ Any or all of the above. If she needed it, if she wanted it, if he wanted it, if he needed it, if she felt like trying it, if she thought it might work, if she just had a passing fancy, if she had a passing fancy that didn't pass and stopped, if it was the control necessary, if it was the care-giving necessary, if it was with her, if it was for her, if it was demanded, if it was requested - honestly. At this point, basically any or all of those reasons would be legitimate enough. He doesn't understand all the fail-safes, just that they're there and she experiences pain and extreme discomfort if she physically harms him - maybe she likes that feeling, he doesn't know. She's never pegged as a masochist, or a sadist for that matter, but hey. People can surprise you.
This time though, only in as much as they can meander outside a usual relationship while remaining within boundaries that go along with said relationship. His eyes flutter shut without thinking about it as she gets close - maybe even hits once or twice - that perfect angle she's been looking for. One of them anyway. There's probably one that's perfect for each of them individually and one that's for them both, he has no idea which one that was, just that for a moment he wasn't sure whether to relax or tense further or what. ]
no i will threaten you with love. somehow. i'm still not clear on details.
[ That's a long list of reasons that mostly involve her. If she knew that she wouldn't really know how to feel about it. She's stopped refusing to let herself think about precisely what this all means to her, because it means too much now for her to just refuse to acknowledge the depths of it, but that would still be a slight moment of pause. How did they do this to each other, this thing where they're both willing to do so much for each other? She'd told herself that was never going to happen again. It wasn't supposed to ever happen again, but here she is and here he is and it did happen.
There probably are somewhere guide sentinel pairings who take advantage of that, but she's neither a sadist nor a masochist and the thought of genuinely hurting him in any way terrifies her more than a little bit. She can't do that. She's hurt too many people, she refuses to add the person who genuinely means something to her to the list.
And oh god, that's good. She rocks down again, a little harder this time, her pace quickening because that feels amazing and she wants more of it, wants him in ways she can't even articulate at the moment, just hope it gets across in the way she says his name, low and drawn out, her own eyes closing again because it really is a massive amount of stimulus all at once and it's almost overwhelming. ]
[ They did mostly involve her, didn't they. Weird. But hey, refusing to think about things works pretty well for him, it's how he handles basically everything that can't operate in binary, so, that's pretty cool. The whole situation is a little confusing in general, and add in all the crap about feelings and instincts tied up in it and it's just an over-sensitive little ball of conundrums that neither one of them ever really seems all that keen on exploring to any great extent. Tony does tend to defy expectation though, so it's not all that surprising to him that a fairly surprising situation in itself seems to have developed. Those seem to happen around him more often than not, anyway.
And hey, maybe there's an innate understanding of that beyond everything else, that she's always been extraordinarily cautious and careful around him, with him, and he doesn't really feel such an overwhelming need to make himself safe around her because he already knows she's taking care of it. Not that he's always just going to be ridiculous and make her see to their safety, but the sense that it would be possible, that's got to be pretty relieving.
It definitely gets across, that much is pretty obvious in the way he responds to her, mentally opens up a little more as he blinks his eyes open the same way, watching her move. His breathing attempts to be a little more controlled as he feels himself start to draw up, getting closer to a release, and honestly he'd prefer to draw this out a little more, this closeness, the forced vulnerability, the sensation of it all. Focusing really on either one of them too much is going to bring an end faster, but switching between them both, distracting himself with the pair of them, that might help. ]
i think i will just stick to never threatening you at all i like it better
[ They really do seem to happen around him a lot. Like, all the time. She probably should stop being surprised sometime, but it still does surprise him sometimes. Almost nothing in this relationships has progressed particularly normally, really, maybe she should have expected something like this to happen actually.
She doesn't generally mean to broadcast, or even to extend much of herself outwards, but over time more of her feelings, more of her intentions towards him and determination to keep this safe have probably leaked than she meant to. It's not that she doesn't want him to know those things, but saying them out loud or communicating them would mean reactions, and she'd never felt up to handling that, so any leaking has been more or less subconscious.
She can feel that in his mind too, the openness and the unwillingness to let go, and it's almost impossible but she slows down again some, a little more steady and even, her eyes flicking open and meeting his, her own more than a little blown and wide but still perfectly aware, both of what she's doing to him and what she's doing to herself. There's heat pooling in her belly, body a mass of nerves, but she has good self control, she can draw it out a little longer for them both. ]
[ And that's good, because saying them directly would probably freak him out a little bit. Having received them sub- or unconsciously, they were allowed to just... settle. Passive. Neither one of them does particularly well with direct, it's kind of hilarious. But this, this is a good place to be, wherever it is that they are. However they've reached it, it's a good place.
Oh, god, slowing down, he wasn't intending to broadcast either - it's very infrequent when he does intend to, and somewhat more infrequent still that he actually manages it well enough to be distinguishable, since more often than not he just winds up broadcasting everything and the cacophony tends to be more than a little overwhelming. He wasn't intending to broadcast, but she apparently got it anyway, and now she's slowing down, even though that look in her eyes and on her face sort of counteracts her measure taken against completion - maybe he'll just casually start running through chemical reactions in his head, concentrate on his breathing, not the way her curves move when she bends this way, or that, the way her hands are shaped in the heat of the moment, or the dark dark color of her eyes as she looks down at him. ]
[ They seriously are just totally allergic to the concept of saying things directly and straightforwardly, which makes it very much so for the best that they don't ever have to. With as much closeness as they have and as many tools for knowing what other people are and aren't saying, things can get noticed and stored half the time without them even noticing. Whether they ever consciously realize it perhaps doesn't even matter, in some ways.
She swallows down the noise she wants to make, thins the exchange of sensation between their minds a little at a time until it's lighter, enough to be there and pleasant but not as much of a spur towards this ending. There's a sense of loss with that, but at the same time she doesn't mind. The slower pace and the dragging it out means more time to look at him, at the strain of his muscles and the look in his eyes and the lines of his body. God, this moment should last forever. ]
[ Conscious, subconscious, unconscious - they tend to have a pretty good thing going on as long as some form of -scious is used. They're just that good.
Tony doesn't quite notice the thinning as much as she does, likely, because he's not as attuned to that aspect of it. He is, instead, trying to not focus on all the messages his body is sending him. Sight on alert, touch electric with stimulation to the point where he feels like he's practically buzzing even in areas she has yet to touch, hearing catching that swallowed sound regardless of her efforts, every single hitched or halting breath ringing true in his ears. It's not that he's in any danger of overload, this is just how they were supposed to be used, in his opinion. He can't help the alert state of them, but he can appreciate it while it's there. Unfortunately, it does mean that it's harder to concentrate on those chemical reactions. Perhaps the mental bond between them was actually serving a purpose. Without that to also concentrate on, as unhelpful as it was, there's little else but the sensate and senseful.
Not that he minds. Just that it means even despite their efforts to drag this out as long as possible, as long as possible isn't going to be that much longer. ]
[ If there's one really good way to use his senses, she's pretty sure this is it. Even through the slightly lessened link she can feel a little bit of how they feel, of the extra sensation they allow. She can only compare it to what an empathic feedback loop gives her in terms of pleasure, and anything that can be compared to that feels pretty damn good.
It isn't going to be able to, and she knows that, can feel herself so close, the urge to speed up again that she's barely tamping back, the crush of sensation as her breath stutters and stumbles it's way out. She can't hold herself back almost any longer, she thinks. Though that will mean she can keep a slower pace for him without having to exert all her self control to not try for more. ]
[ He's actually pretty well in agreement too, so at least everybody's on the same page here. The empathic loop from this side was pretty fucking great. Hopefully she can pull something out of how pleasantly overwhelmed he's starting to become and accidentally broadcast that's remotely equivalent to what he got out of her own loop. Or at least, the makings of one.
See, and it's weird, that it's also the sheer force of will he can imagine is required to maintain such control that contributes to issues, that it's that too that feels like it speeds things up for him. And he has a moment, of looking at her, where he can tell, and communicate mentally, ocularly, whatever works, that he's effectively all but finished, so she ought to get what she needs now or be ready to uncuff him after he is. It's all beautiful, and it's been amazing, but he just can't hold it back. Not that that's bad either, really, just... She seems quite committed now as well - it seems like a nice thing to do, to warn her. If it even works. ]
[ She can, and there's still a small remnant of the loop left, more than enough for her when a not insignificant part of her is still used to nothing in that area.
They have rather strong effects on each other, in general, and god that look in his eyes and that sense from his mind when put together with this moment, it's too much or it's just enough. She shifts angles just a little, hits the angle that's perfect for her and lets the sensation overwhelm her, closes her eyes as every muscle in her body in her body tightens around him, her hands reaching to grasp his shoulders tightly for support as she shudders, mumbling something unintelligible. ]
[ Oh thank fucking god; he didn't have a problem helping her along after he finished, but he's so tired now he'd just honestly prefer not to have to, and the way she clenches down, the feeling he can feel radiating from her, sheer completion, her hands on his shoulders for stability and support, whatever she's saying to him, he can't hear it well enough beyond the force of his own finishing, finally letting himself go as she's done and doing right now all around him, and he similarly tenses, another creak to the bed as his arms try to pull down towards himself, flexing and straining to match her own tightening and going taut. His eyes are closed, and he doesn't really remember how that happened, and he's breathing a bit heavier around and into the gag, because what else does he have to do. ]
[ About half of it's just swearing anyways, the other half his name and encouragement mixed in, mostly in sentences that have no grammatical structure. She lets the loop between them open back up fully, because there's no point in holding back now, lets their sensations filter back and forth between each other and intertwine until there's a moment she can hardly tell what she's feeling from where.
If this feeling could stay forever that would be ideal, but like all good things it can't. When she comes back to herself it's slowly and she stays where she is for the moment, looks down at him and lets her eyes trace everything she can see of him, every bit of him in this moment so that she can snapshot it for later. ]
i have to go back further for the subject line conversation than the actual tags to get context now
[ Swearing is fine. He likes swearing. He's in too many of the public's eyes to do a whole lot of it, since, okay, yeah, little kids, he's not all touchy-feely but he does have a soft spot for children and their right to keep their innocence, even if most of the time he's still terrible at it. At some point you realize it's just easier to find more creative ways to vent frustration. Like, blowing up your living room. Creative!
Tony takes a little bit longer - his hit just after, he's quite involved in the physical sensations when it happens and that always tends to do something funny to the actual reaction times, chemically and physically, whatever reason - but he returns similarly slowly, looking back at her with increasing clarity over a period of a minute or so. His heart isn't still racing but it's faster, there's a sheen to his skin that wasn't there when they got started with all of this, and he appears much more calm and relaxed, at least in this moment. It's unlikely that some of the previous stress won't return, but right now, right here, he's not as concerned with it. ]
lakhdf 8D look at these great life choices we make
[ That's - creative, yes, sure. In a not actually that great way though. Or at least a very nonproductive way.
That's all good, it's all very good and about what she was aiming for, which is nice. Good to know she got things fairly right, good to know that he's a little more relaxed. That she eased some of it, at least temporarily. She leans down, slips the knot of the tie and tosses it aside, presses her lips to his for a lingering moment. ] Better now? [ It's hushed, looking to keep the moment more or less intact. ]
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i'm cool with this /shakes fist at distance
She really doesn't have much experience on this subject - on the near death experience part of it, sure, she's had more than a few of those. Too many, really. Betrayal, though, not so much. Her only real betrayal was meant to save her, she's not sure if it even counts as a betrayal. She might not have the experience to fully understand it but she's in his head, she can see how much it's affected him and she can at least see the feelings as he has them if not have a precise personal understanding of them. She's hardly going to dismiss that lightly, the feelings themselves or that he was willing to give her the context of his behavior even when she'd stopped pushing for it specifically, but for the moment she can let it fade into the background, instead smiling at that low noise as she sets a slow and steady pace for now, pulling away and pushing back, breathing starting to go a little uneven. ]
yeah we need to fix that part
There's yet more relief at her allowing it to fade into the background for the moment, even while he can't really manage to push it all away himself. He tries to, because holy god he's in her and all the anticipation and this is what he was waiting for, he doesn't really know what else to do with that except let her ride him out, so that's what he aims for, but all told, he's hers. Right now, he's almost entirely hers. A little obstinately every now and then, clearly, but on the important matters, or anything else, he's hers. Keeping his eyes open as she sets up a pace is a little more difficult, but if he grounds them on hers and then tries then it goes a little easier. Good luck, hope you wanted eye contact. ]
we're going to fix it so much it ceases to exist
She hadn't been expecting eye contact, given his avoidance of it before, but she's more than okay with it even if she can't maintain it quite as consistently as he can. But she likes it, likes the intimation of closeness and the continuation of faith put in her, the feeling that he is hers, in this moment at least. It's as good as his hands on her, and for now she can substitute her own for those, sliding down his chest and up her thighs as she moves, helping herself a little like she'd been helping him earlier. She has a little catching up to do. ]
that sounds quite... threatening
Yeah, well, he had a secret to be squirmy about before, but now he wants connection. Needs it, because you hide things before you share them, and after you share them, you watch, to make sure that you haven't just run the other person off. Another tracking of reactions, gauging and measuring to see if it was the right choice. The path of her hands is a fairly good way to break it though, and he switches to following their smooth ascent up her thighs with just as much attention as he was using to look at her eyes a moment ago. If it's actually even possible at this point to get any harder, that's definitely happening. ]
it is only threatening to the space between us
In this case it's pretty clear he hasn't run her off at all, her mind still open to his and lightly casual about it, no attempt to move away, her eyes holding his when possible and then watching him watching her and goddamn the attention in his eyes. It's a strange feeling, having him so focused on what she's doing to herself as well as to him, but she finds she doesn't mind, even likes it. She trails her hands up to her breasts, closes her eyes now for the moment because him watching her and him in her and all of this, it's a lot all put together. When she finally lets herself make a sound it's his name on an exhale, a little ragged and half a plea. ]
okay true i'll go with that
That's how Tony works though, his mind is everywhere when he's not focused, and when he is, it's laser beam intensity and precision and complexity, and getting it to switch from everywhere to laser when he isn't inclined to do so or is just not given the right set of catalysts is more or less like trying to turn on the sun. She has, in this moment, by taking away half of his ability to scatter, holding him in place, silently, even holding his head so he looks more or less where she wants, he has to focus, on her. And then she does things and he just wants to focus on her - he is already, after all.
The sound of his name, like that, he makes an almost silent whine, because he wants to touch her - the way he's flexing and then grasping the headboard he's cuffed to indicating his need to touch things - and he needs movement, just a little, trying not to shift in anticipation and almost, almost managing it entirely. ]
i wouldn't threaten you promise
She wasn't really sure if this would work, if this was a way of getting his attention that would work thoroughly, would work the way she wanted it to. That it has and that he seems to be okay with it, it's kind of really good. It's confirmation of this working (if working in unconventional and complicated ways), that she can help. She's not going to lose him because she's done something stupid.
And fuck, that noise and his hands clenching and grasping and the things they could be doing, she has to close her eyes again as she moves again, puts her hips into it and lets one hand drift lower. It's hard to coordinate movement between her entire body and then also just her hands specifically, but so long as she doesn't look at the expression on his face she can manage it, can keep pulling them both further along, can start to share how she feels at this moment with him silently. ]
can't tell if that's actually reassuring or somewhat disappointing
But for the moment, he'll have his hands on her soon enough, be it this experience or the next, there's little need to worry as to how thoroughly he'll repay this altercation between them. As much as he enjoys relinquishing control, he enjoys the play back and forth of such, so in as much as it's unlikely he'll ever see fit to restrain her, he wouldn't mind showing a certain level of dominance another way. It's just that it's far more comfortable in this direction. Like, unreasonably more comfortable. It's dumb how happy he is about this series of choices. But he's also happy to provide whatever is needed for the partner, be that any sort of partner. It's a weird area in which he's willing to give more than anything, even if he prefers the opposite. Interpersonal relationships, man. They're oomplicated things.
In the moment, his breathing goes a bit heavier with more movement, still watching her carefully - what else does he have to do right now, at least when she's not hitting the right spot to make him close his eyes and clench down further - and, really, what else, continue to watch her. The sharing of emotion, almost overwhelming in itself, and for a little while he does close his eyes, because processing is difficult enough when you have extraneous sensory input. ]
kdhfd would you like me to threaten your honor i could do that
He'd be right in guessing that she's not the sort to easily let go of control. Trust is hard. Trusting that you can put yourself in someone else's hands at your most vulnerable and they won't hurt you sometimes approaches impossible to believe for her. With him it's mildly easier to believe, as in if the possibility came up she wouldn't immediately dismiss it with extreme prejudice. Sometimes she wonders if it's comforting, to be able to do that. To let someone else make decisions for you for a little while, to have things out of your hands. She can never make up her mind.
Seriously, interpersonal relationships. She'd sworn off of those before him, and half the time here she's still sure she's about to fuck things up somehow, horribly, make it all go wrong because her experience in genuine relationships is limited and in the 'doomed' category. She can't help that she's sometimes terrified this will go the same way. But for right now it seems to be going pretty okay, in this moment. She got this bit right, very right it seems, and she can't stop being happy about it. ]
what honor
But for the moment, hey, she should totally be happy about it. He's fairly pleased with things right now too, so there's that, at least. The memories aren't particularly assuaged, nor have they faded, but there's a level and manner of intensity faded to speak to the sheer weight resolved in showing someone else something that's bothering you, or allowing them to have all the pieces involved in understanding your motivations. Even criminals have that, to the point where it's a trope. Granted, a lot of the time they need people to see how clever they are, but he's got an outlet for that. In this case, it's more a matter of needing people to see how screwed up they are, why they act the way that they do, and not just their intellectual reasoning for doing so.
The shift in angle is a beautiful thing, and he makes another sound in appreciation - most change is a good thing at this point. Not that anything needs changing, just that the difference in stimulus, the inability to get used to any part of it, that's never going to be something he complains about. His breathing is a fair bit faster now, deeper, chest and torso now involved in the push and pull of air in and out, and he's intermittently pulling against the handcuffs so hard that the bed has made its own sounds of protest once or twice. ]
... good point. i got nothing. nothing but looove
So for the moment she is pretty happy about it. Anything else, any dissection of it, that has to wait for later. For right now she's a little bit busy with him, with understanding and processing what he's given her even as she continues to move. Some of it will have to wait for later. Most of it, really, because she's slightly preoccupied at the moment. But it's still good to have, that knowledge, something more to add to how she can help him best. And that's really what she wants, most of all. Not even as repayment for all he's done - just because she can. Because she likes him, a lot, and therefore he deserves this.
The flex of his muscles with his breath gets her attention, her eyes flickering across him, across his hands and the headboard where he's straining it, how he's trying to touch her. Concentration on any one thing is difficult at the moment. It's fallen to the wayside beside searching for the perfect angle for both of them, adjusting minutely as she gets feedback from her own body and through his mind his, a low sound in her throat at his attempts to move. ]
you're going to threaten my /love/ now that's just mean
This time though, only in as much as they can meander outside a usual relationship while remaining within boundaries that go along with said relationship. His eyes flutter shut without thinking about it as she gets close - maybe even hits once or twice - that perfect angle she's been looking for. One of them anyway. There's probably one that's perfect for each of them individually and one that's for them both, he has no idea which one that was, just that for a moment he wasn't sure whether to relax or tense further or what. ]
no i will threaten you with love. somehow. i'm still not clear on details.
There probably are somewhere guide sentinel pairings who take advantage of that, but she's neither a sadist nor a masochist and the thought of genuinely hurting him in any way terrifies her more than a little bit. She can't do that. She's hurt too many people, she refuses to add the person who genuinely means something to her to the list.
And oh god, that's good. She rocks down again, a little harder this time, her pace quickening because that feels amazing and she wants more of it, wants him in ways she can't even articulate at the moment, just hope it gets across in the way she says his name, low and drawn out, her own eyes closing again because it really is a massive amount of stimulus all at once and it's almost overwhelming. ]
that sounds kind of emotional blackmaily, js
And hey, maybe there's an innate understanding of that beyond everything else, that she's always been extraordinarily cautious and careful around him, with him, and he doesn't really feel such an overwhelming need to make himself safe around her because he already knows she's taking care of it. Not that he's always just going to be ridiculous and make her see to their safety, but the sense that it would be possible, that's got to be pretty relieving.
It definitely gets across, that much is pretty obvious in the way he responds to her, mentally opens up a little more as he blinks his eyes open the same way, watching her move. His breathing attempts to be a little more controlled as he feels himself start to draw up, getting closer to a release, and honestly he'd prefer to draw this out a little more, this closeness, the forced vulnerability, the sensation of it all. Focusing really on either one of them too much is going to bring an end faster, but switching between them both, distracting himself with the pair of them, that might help. ]
i think i will just stick to never threatening you at all i like it better
She doesn't generally mean to broadcast, or even to extend much of herself outwards, but over time more of her feelings, more of her intentions towards him and determination to keep this safe have probably leaked than she meant to. It's not that she doesn't want him to know those things, but saying them out loud or communicating them would mean reactions, and she'd never felt up to handling that, so any leaking has been more or less subconscious.
She can feel that in his mind too, the openness and the unwillingness to let go, and it's almost impossible but she slows down again some, a little more steady and even, her eyes flicking open and meeting his, her own more than a little blown and wide but still perfectly aware, both of what she's doing to him and what she's doing to herself. There's heat pooling in her belly, body a mass of nerves, but she has good self control, she can draw it out a little longer for them both. ]
okay that sounds better
Oh, god, slowing down, he wasn't intending to broadcast either - it's very infrequent when he does intend to, and somewhat more infrequent still that he actually manages it well enough to be distinguishable, since more often than not he just winds up broadcasting everything and the cacophony tends to be more than a little overwhelming. He wasn't intending to broadcast, but she apparently got it anyway, and now she's slowing down, even though that look in her eyes and on her face sort of counteracts her measure taken against completion - maybe he'll just casually start running through chemical reactions in his head, concentrate on his breathing, not the way her curves move when she bends this way, or that, the way her hands are shaped in the heat of the moment, or the dark dark color of her eyes as she looks down at him. ]
see? totally reassuring instead of disappointing
She swallows down the noise she wants to make, thins the exchange of sensation between their minds a little at a time until it's lighter, enough to be there and pleasant but not as much of a spur towards this ending. There's a sense of loss with that, but at the same time she doesn't mind. The slower pace and the dragging it out means more time to look at him, at the strain of his muscles and the look in his eyes and the lines of his body. God, this moment should last forever. ]
'totally'
Tony doesn't quite notice the thinning as much as she does, likely, because he's not as attuned to that aspect of it. He is, instead, trying to not focus on all the messages his body is sending him. Sight on alert, touch electric with stimulation to the point where he feels like he's practically buzzing even in areas she has yet to touch, hearing catching that swallowed sound regardless of her efforts, every single hitched or halting breath ringing true in his ears. It's not that he's in any danger of overload, this is just how they were supposed to be used, in his opinion. He can't help the alert state of them, but he can appreciate it while it's there. Unfortunately, it does mean that it's harder to concentrate on those chemical reactions. Perhaps the mental bond between them was actually serving a purpose. Without that to also concentrate on, as unhelpful as it was, there's little else but the sensate and senseful.
Not that he minds. Just that it means even despite their efforts to drag this out as long as possible, as long as possible isn't going to be that much longer. ]
yes totally. /for sure/
It isn't going to be able to, and she knows that, can feel herself so close, the urge to speed up again that she's barely tamping back, the crush of sensation as her breath stutters and stumbles it's way out. She can't hold herself back almost any longer, she thinks. Though that will mean she can keep a slower pace for him without having to exert all her self control to not try for more. ]
uh huh
See, and it's weird, that it's also the sheer force of will he can imagine is required to maintain such control that contributes to issues, that it's that too that feels like it speeds things up for him. And he has a moment, of looking at her, where he can tell, and communicate mentally, ocularly, whatever works, that he's effectively all but finished, so she ought to get what she needs now or be ready to uncuff him after he is. It's all beautiful, and it's been amazing, but he just can't hold it back. Not that that's bad either, really, just... She seems quite committed now as well - it seems like a nice thing to do, to warn her. If it even works. ]
;; someday you will believe me when i say things
They have rather strong effects on each other, in general, and god that look in his eyes and that sense from his mind when put together with this moment, it's too much or it's just enough. She shifts angles just a little, hits the angle that's perfect for her and lets the sensation overwhelm her, closes her eyes as every muscle in her body in her body tightens around him, her hands reaching to grasp his shoulders tightly for support as she shudders, mumbling something unintelligible. ]
somedaaaaaaaaaaaay, over the raaaaainbowww
just you waaaait
If this feeling could stay forever that would be ideal, but like all good things it can't. When she comes back to herself it's slowly and she stays where she is for the moment, looks down at him and lets her eyes trace everything she can see of him, every bit of him in this moment so that she can snapshot it for later. ]
i have to go back further for the subject line conversation than the actual tags to get context now
Tony takes a little bit longer - his hit just after, he's quite involved in the physical sensations when it happens and that always tends to do something funny to the actual reaction times, chemically and physically, whatever reason - but he returns similarly slowly, looking back at her with increasing clarity over a period of a minute or so. His heart isn't still racing but it's faster, there's a sheen to his skin that wasn't there when they got started with all of this, and he appears much more calm and relaxed, at least in this moment. It's unlikely that some of the previous stress won't return, but right now, right here, he's not as concerned with it. ]
lakhdf 8D look at these great life choices we make
That's all good, it's all very good and about what she was aiming for, which is nice. Good to know she got things fairly right, good to know that he's a little more relaxed. That she eased some of it, at least temporarily. She leans down, slips the knot of the tie and tosses it aside, presses her lips to his for a lingering moment. ] Better now? [ It's hushed, looking to keep the moment more or less intact. ]
i question the words 'great', 'life', and 'choices' in that sentence
that's like the entire point of the sentence you're questioning there
oops?
oops is for accidents you totally didn't disagree on accident
what. wait, what.
i'm no longer sure
i'm glad that makes two of us
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idek man
shhh ily it's fine
;;
/wraps up
/clings to
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