[ By this point he's really just fidgeting with the cloth, folding it one way, the other, pulling at the material, running fingertips along the edge. He doesn't want to look up, doesn't want to move away from the counter - it's grounding, her hand on his arm is grounding, everything's grounding and he's worried if he moves and doesn't have any of those grounding presences, even for a moment, he'll wake up and suddenly realize he was somewhere else all along. ] Oh I don't doubt you will.
[ He's quiet again, listening to that part. Still fidgeting, but listening, and that's finally something he feels like he can accept. Whether it's because she worded it well or he suddenly changed his mind about things or what, but he can accept that. ] Yeah, okay. [ Finally a sideways glance at her, even if it's brief. ] I trust you.
[ It's ok, she can get that. If he needs to stay right here for a while, they can stay right here. She doesn't want to push too much - he knows best what will keep him all right, so they're going to stick with that.
But that - it's a reaction she believes, if one she also doesn't know what to do with, because he's said this before and he just keeps trusting her, and sometimes she thinks of precisely what that means and she doesn't know what to do with it, doesn't know how to believe she won't fuck it up.
But she's going to do her goddamned best not to. ] You can always find me, if you need me or you think I would help at all. Always.
[ She can more or less assuage her self-doubt with the knowledge that she is amongst the four total people in his entire life in whom he feels he can definitively place any significant level of trust. Four might seem like a fair number, but when you consider it's basically one of those four, or something he created himself, it brings it into an altogether different light. They might all garner independently high levels, but after you realize that it's a high level or effectively none at all, it changes the perspective somewhat. Tony's trust is more or less all or nothing, because he doesn't do well with gradients or half-ways, and it's probably unfair of him as a whole but at the same time, it doesn't feel as though there's much he can do about it.
And that's the faintest hint of levity on his face, just there. For a moment. ] Yeah, I know.
[ That would be some very strange mix of realization of her importance to him and continuing fear that she's going to mess it up somehow and that that's going to mess him up and seriously, every time she looks back on how long they've been doing this now and the fact that it's still working she's amazed. She didn't know that she had it in her to stay this close to someone for this long.
Levity is good, tough. That's a very good sign. ] Now all you've got to do is take me up on it.
[ He didn't really think this was going to go over this well either, this whole relationship. He actively avoids looking back on... anything, ever, but that doesn't stop the occasional realization of the time and energy they've invested in each other by now from being something that happens from time to time. ]
[ Yeah, at this point it's gotten kind of hard to avoid or ignore the fact that this is definitely A Thing, whatever it is that they're doing. Very much so. ]
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[ He's quiet again, listening to that part. Still fidgeting, but listening, and that's finally something he feels like he can accept. Whether it's because she worded it well or he suddenly changed his mind about things or what, but he can accept that. ] Yeah, okay. [ Finally a sideways glance at her, even if it's brief. ] I trust you.
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But that - it's a reaction she believes, if one she also doesn't know what to do with, because he's said this before and he just keeps trusting her, and sometimes she thinks of precisely what that means and she doesn't know what to do with it, doesn't know how to believe she won't fuck it up.
But she's going to do her goddamned best not to. ] You can always find me, if you need me or you think I would help at all. Always.
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And that's the faintest hint of levity on his face, just there. For a moment. ] Yeah, I know.
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Levity is good, tough. That's a very good sign. ] Now all you've got to do is take me up on it.
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It'll totally happen one day.
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I'll be looking forward to it.