[ He's not totally sure how to respond to that for a moment, but he doesn't have a whole lot of time to think because he's supposed to keep talking. It means he winds up not being as eloquent or elliptical as he otherwise might have been, but it gets the job done regardless. ] It's dumb to think people won't worry. Not when they - not when they're used to you being there.
[ She's allowed to talk into his shirt, he really doesn't care. She can have the shirt, if she wants it. ] See food, eat food. Time-tested slogan. And I was kidding, I won't feel bad. I'm me, I don't feel bad about making people uncomfortable.
[ Oh. She's silent for a moment after that, just kind of chews that over because that is the other side of this, the side where she missed him like someone ripped out part of her chest but what if he felt something similar? She doesn't want him to have felt that. She knew she was in danger, that's why she didn't get close to people, except she got close to him anyways and then she was safe and now everything's complicated. ]
Are you okay? [ He doesn't seem very okay. He hasn't seemed very okay since she first felt his mind, and she can't tell if that's because of her or not. ]
you know a lot of people are annoyed when he walks into a ROOM
[ nevermind whether he's even opened his mouth or not.
What. Why is she quiet. No, no, bad. He considers saying something else, probably random, another ramble, but she asks him a question before he can decide whether or not that's actually something he wants to do.
Is he okay?
Probably not. But fat chance in hell is he going to tell her that. ] What? I'm fine. I'm great, look. I've finally got you back. Best I've been in a while.
[ There's a ton of stuff she's going to have to process, over the next space of time, and she's starting the process in very vague spurts, just the beginning of awareness on things like how long it's been. How not okay he is. Whether he got any help, what she can do to fix this, how long it's going to take her body to heal this time.
This time. God, she hates that she has to put it like that.
She shakes her head a little, doesn't look up. ] Did you get help while I was gone at all?
[ She could totally walk, okay, he just didn't let her. She could probably walk. With a lot of effort and trying very hard not to cry. But she could do it, in theory.
There's a short pause as she considers that statement, mulling over it. She's fairly certain that she doesn't believe it, at all, which is paradoxically actually more of a confirmation that it probably is actually Tony. ] I don't think I believe you.
[ His argument this time is that if you can't do it without crying then you probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place and he doesn't think it counts. ]
Well that's dumb. You should always believe me. Look at me, I'm totally believable. What did I ever do to you to make you think you can't believe me?
[ Okay okay, no, lie back down, it's fine, he'll stop lying if you lie down okay, it's not worth you getting back up. ]
Hey, it's cool, come back. Sorry. It - [ ugh he hates telling the truth though it's so icy and metallic coming out of his mouth. it just feels that way sometimes. ] It wouldn't have been as often as you liked, but I did. Promise. When it was really necessary. I took care of it before by myself, it was okay.
[ She stills when she starts to get a real answer, curls back into him and listens and it's not entirely what she wants, she wants him to have been completely okay (she wants to have not left him in the first place) but it's better. ]
Okay. I believe that more. [ Staying here, now. ] I'll help. You fix me, I fix you. It'll be fine.
[ Okay, good. Now that that's settled. They're really not that far away, but he doesn't really know what to say right now anymore before they get there. ] We'll be fine. And also home soon. I'm gonna carry you inside okay, I won't let go, I'm still here.
[ She's just going to quietly cling to him as much as she possibly can right now, and okay now she might be starting to cry a little bit, completely silently and hiding her face against his chest still, the only evidence in the slight shake of her shoulders and the tightness of her voice. ] I missed you.
weren't you the one who was supposed to be being clear?
[ He is one hundred percent okay with that, okay, he's not going to say a word about it, because he might actually want to do the same thing, but there's only one hero-type person around here allowed to have a nervous breakdown at a time, and right now she has the dubious honors. He just holds her close, tight but not restrictive, at least in as much as both are possible at the same time, and waits for the vehicle to finish landing. ] Missed you too.
[ He starts a fairly steady and low - just for her - stream of words just before he shifts to get up with her, and keeps it up while he goes inside. It serves the dual purpose of meaning he doesn't have the time to stop and chat with anyone else, and hopefully giving her something to concentrate on that doesn't actually require her concentration; he's just providing a small measure of distraction while he moves her again. It's nothing in particular, more or less the sort of things he was saying earlier, mixed with reassurances here and there, because that just seems like a thing to do. He's calmed Pepper down several times over the years - abating nerves and the like is actually something he knows how to do. He knows how to do most things when he puts his mind to them. ]
I forget - bed? Can I just check you for internal bleeding? I'm pretty sure I promised bed, but I - all I could check were external injuries, and I don't need you, you know, having something I couldn't see after you got all the way here. [ It's not bordering on plaintive at all, okay. This is just something that needs to be done. Please, Max. ] Then you can have bed. Or, ice cream, whatever you want.
[ He can do the same thing if he wants, he really can. She won't mind at all. It might actually make her feel slightly less stupid for it. It might be good for them to both just cry for a little while. The whole event has been pretty traumatic for them both, really. She thinks maybe they both just need to lie in a bed together and cry for a while, but for right now she'll take his arms around her and his voice low and soothing, the returned reassurance of his emotion. It's okay. It's okay now, because she's back and everything's going to be fine now.
The stream of words is pretty much exactly the right thing, her humming in agreement occasionally into his shirt as she seeks to just stay buried as close against him as she can get. She only moves when he asks her an actual question, just enough to look up at him. ] Whatever you want. [ Yeah, she's being pretty complacent here, but. ]
I don't care. Just don't go. Stay and you can do whatever you want.
[ Well, maybe after the adrenaline has subsided and the entirety of the protective instincts have worn off. There's likely to be a void there anyway that will beg to be filled - right now he still has a job to do.
The sheer amount of complacency there does give him pause for a moment, but he continues on without too much noticeable delay. ] Thanks. [ And okay, maybe he holds her a little tighter in return too, a little higher on his chest, because fuck, if she's okay with just agreeing to whatever he wants to do - they have a lot of trust here obviously, but he's thinking of what it would take to get him to just give her free reign like that, and even with trust and their relationship freestanding it isn't that cheap a decision. ] I'm seriously - honest, I'm not going anywhere. I might have to put you down for a minute, but I'm not leaving. I'm going to stay as close as you want as soon as I make sure you're not actually dying, okay? [ hah hah right no ] It'll be fast.
but that means i have to do all the clarity that seems hard
[ Just so long as he doesn't like, go away and do the crying somewhere else, because he's not allowed to go anywhere that's not near her for a little bit here. That part is really important.
She takes the shift in the security of his arms without comment, presses a hand over the reactor again because she needs it there even over his shirt. The thing is, whatever he wants to do with her, to her, whatever - she couldn't stop anything right now. She knows that quite thoroughly by now, knows that in her current state fighting back is a useless exercise, just futility on top of futility. She did it anyways, of course. When doesn't she?
With him, is the answer. Tony won't hurt her. He's the only person she can trust not to hurt her, if it's really him, and if it's not him then she doesn't think she actually cares anymore about anything. So he gets absolute full rein right now, and she just nods. ] Okay. Sure. I'm not dying, I promise. [ She curls her hand around her neck. ] They wouldn't let me. But I know stuff needs fixing. That's okay.
[ He'll only go away for very short periods of time when it's absolutely necessary and he'll do all his crying while she's asleep, okay? How's that for a good deal, right?
Well, if she hadn't fought back anyway, he would have been even more worried about her than he is already. Not having fought back at all would have meant that there was something all but irrevocably and intrinsically broken here - he's confident in his ability to at least figure out how to fix whatever physical issues might pop up with all of this. If he can't do it himself, he can still find someone else who can. But ... anything beyond that? He can't fix that. He can't even begin to fix that.
They wouldn't let her. Fuck. ] Well, there's one thing we can agree on, at least. [ It's meant to be light, but the tone is absolutely humorless. ] Just x-rays and a scan, okay? Won't take long at all, promise. J's good at these. Look, see, here's the table, I just gotta set you down and let the man do his scans, then I'll be right back over.
[ Well, okay. She can go for that deal. She doesn't actually feel a deep desire to listen to him cry, she just really doesn't want him to be alone either. She doesn't want to be alone, he shouldn't be alone, she's not okay with either of those things happening.
It's funny he thinks that, given how far he managed to fix it previously without even trying. But she's not quite that thoroughly broken - she has plenty of fight in her left for the day to day difficulties. It's just that if this was false, turned out now to be nothing more than a trap, that would be too much of a blow. Her strength is already quite sapped, she doesn't have the resilience to handle a loss quite that extreme. So no more fighting back, right now.
She can hear that in his voice, shakes her head against him just a little bit before she changes it to a nod instead, lets him set her down and resolutely doesn't try to hold onto him instead no matter how much she wants to. The idea of him seeing the results of his scans isn't actually an appealing one given that she's fairly certain they're going to make him quite angry, but it's necessary. ] I believe you.
[ That's good, because he is not willing to put on that particular show for her right now. He isn't fond of crying - it always feels like overexposure, like a loss of control, leaves you later with a headache and dehydration without the decency of the inebriation beforehand. And he's pretty sure he's an ugly crier. So, no. They'll just neither of them let the other be alone and everything will be okay.
Yes, well. He still quantifies in the immediately measurable. Sue him, it's his scientific mindset, and he reserves the right to remain set in his ruts and ways.
It's fine though, he doesn't really want to let go of her either. Like, at all. But he's metal man and he'll fuck up the scans if he doesn't at least put a few feet and probably something solid-ish between them for a few seconds anyway. ] Right back.
[ So, stepping away, that's fine. He can do that. And then he can also step right back as soon as he's able, scoop her back up because fuck it, who's tired, he doesn't feel okay without her being that close right now. Moving somewhere a little better in the process - ] J, bring those with me, okay? [ - a little more comfortable for the both of them, where he can sit down with her and she can just stay on him or she can shift off to his side but either way, will be better on the bruises and whatever else he can already guess is there. ] Do you need water? A bath? Anything, really, is what I meant. Do you need anything?
[ The immediately measurable is a pretty reasonable thing to stick to, yes. Particularly when it comes to her and her tendency to let the truth lie unspoken and dormant unless it's something that becomes absolutely necessary to be made clear. She generally doesn't consider it entirely necessary, really.
She's fairly rigid and tense by the time he comes back, curling her hand into his shirt as soon as he picks her up and letting her breath out in a long relieved sigh. So long as he's here she feels better. She does stay on him, curled into him as much as she possibly can. Shakes her head a little, considers, revises her opinion. ] I probably need to get clean. Clean would be good. [ Clean would be really good, now that she's thinking about it. Wash everything off and start over again. ]
[ It's okay, he was pretty much expecting rigid and tense - he's not too far off from that himself. Having her out of reach is... Well. It's a thing, for both of them, apparently. Neither of them is okay with it, and even less so in terms of physiological reactions, nevermind the emotional and traumatic variants thereof. ]
That'll be easier to do if it's wet. If I'm doing it. Which is probably a bad idea but if you need it done immediately, then it's pretty much either me or Dummy, and I doubt you want him doing it. So. [ Bath time it is. Right. He'll go ahead and start moving. Jarvis is awesome - he'll have started a bath in the appropriate en suite by the time he gets there. ] I can leave you to it, or. Whatever you want. I mean, I won't be much further than the door either way, but. Up to you.
[ They're certainly a pair, right now, if by pair you mean both rather thoroughly messed up. She's not completely surprised to feel tension in his body too, just doesn't like it or want it to be there. At the same time she doesn't really know to erase it from him any more than she does for herself. ]
I don't care what it looks like, I just want it gone. [ It's too long and too hard to scrub clean and it's not the first time she's done this, used cutting off her hair as a means of gaining back some amount of control. It works well enough. But her response to his next bit is immediate and a little pleading. ]
Please don't go. [ That was too desperate, she doesn't want to be desperate. Her next words are more subdued. ] You may not want to watch, but I don't want you to go anywhere else. [ If he just wants to sit nearby with his back turned that's fine, she doesn't expect him to be at all okay with seeing any of this really. ]
You can always get it touched up later. Or whatever. Rock the potentially slightly asymmetrical do-up I'm about to give you.
[ Hey, hey, it's fine. It was an offer, not an informed statement as to what would be happening. He'd told her closer to himself but one: he's supposed to be putting her down, and two: he's probably been doing that enough as it is and doesn't want to hurt her. ] Shh, no worries, I can handle whatever you throw at me, that's half the point. Sparing your discomfort, or something, shows what I get trying to be aware of feelings. Here, just sit tight for a second, listen to the - uh - water or, hey, I'll just keep talking. Towels are there, gotta get everything else within reach. Ish. How 'bout them... Dodgers? Mets? It's baseball for that, right? I could just say Giants, I think that's two sports in one stone anyway.
I'm okay with asymmetrical, it'll look cool. I'll be a cool kid.
[ She's not going to say no to him holding her closer at any point here, but she does accept being put down, moves to the edge of the bath and starts taking her clothes off before slipping into the bath. Warm water, okay, that's pretty amazing. The sensation of dirt and blood peeling off, even better. ] You shouldn't have to. But thank you. [ He shouldn't be having to deal with any of this. But god, it's nice listening to him talk. She huffs out a breath of air, shakes her head slowly. ] I love you.
[ Not what she'd intended to respond with, but that doesn't make it any less terribly accurate. ]
[ She's not really apparently paying that much attention to him, so she'll probably miss the hitch in his movement her statement provokes. Then again, it happens pretty much every time she says that, so she's probably to some extent aware that it happened anyway even if she didn't actually see it this time. But he smoothly continues on - gotta keep talking, gotta keep moving, because otherwise he's gotta actually handle this to some degree, and he's not as good with that as he is with whatever it is that he counts all of this as being instead. ]
Of course you do. Me too. To you, I mean. And obviously to me too, I definitely love me some me. Let's see how you're doing - [ and wow yup definitely gonna keep talking, and not about how that water is turning an interesting shade he would call 'grunge pink'. Maybe. ] - I can go that, I mean, I can stay here or whatever. We already had this conversation, I know. Here's that washcloth I promised. Maybe Seattle Champagne. That's a good name. Consonance and all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
that seems odd
[ She's allowed to talk into his shirt, he really doesn't care. She can have the shirt, if she wants it. ] See food, eat food. Time-tested slogan. And I was kidding, I won't feel bad. I'm me, I don't feel bad about making people uncomfortable.
but it's his voice and that means he's there
Are you okay? [ He doesn't seem very okay. He hasn't seemed very okay since she first felt his mind, and she can't tell if that's because of her or not. ]
you know a lot of people are annoyed when he walks into a ROOM
What. Why is she quiet. No, no, bad. He considers saying something else, probably random, another ramble, but she asks him a question before he can decide whether or not that's actually something he wants to do.
Is he okay?
Probably not. But fat chance in hell is he going to tell her that. ] What? I'm fine. I'm great, look. I've finally got you back. Best I've been in a while.
yes but they are idiots
This time. God, she hates that she has to put it like that.
She shakes her head a little, doesn't look up. ] Did you get help while I was gone at all?
many would argue so is he
I had lots of help. [ uhh, looking. for her. That counts. ] When I needed it. Everything's fine.
no he is fantastic
There's a short pause as she considers that statement, mulling over it. She's fairly certain that she doesn't believe it, at all, which is paradoxically actually more of a confirmation that it probably is actually Tony. ] I don't think I believe you.
what
Well that's dumb. You should always believe me. Look at me, I'm totally believable. What did I ever do to you to make you think you can't believe me?
that sentence seemed fairly clear to me man
When it comes to your own wellbeing? Everything.
nope
Hey, it's cool, come back. Sorry. It - [ ugh he hates telling the truth though it's so icy and metallic coming out of his mouth. it just feels that way sometimes. ] It wouldn't have been as often as you liked, but I did. Promise. When it was really necessary. I took care of it before by myself, it was okay.
he is super great is that clearer
Okay. I believe that more. [ Staying here, now. ] I'll help. You fix me, I fix you. It'll be fine.
ya sure ok
that doesn't sound very clear
weren't you the one who was supposed to be being clear?
[ He starts a fairly steady and low - just for her - stream of words just before he shifts to get up with her, and keeps it up while he goes inside. It serves the dual purpose of meaning he doesn't have the time to stop and chat with anyone else, and hopefully giving her something to concentrate on that doesn't actually require her concentration; he's just providing a small measure of distraction while he moves her again. It's nothing in particular, more or less the sort of things he was saying earlier, mixed with reassurances here and there, because that just seems like a thing to do. He's calmed Pepper down several times over the years - abating nerves and the like is actually something he knows how to do. He knows how to do most things when he puts his mind to them. ]
I forget - bed? Can I just check you for internal bleeding? I'm pretty sure I promised bed, but I - all I could check were external injuries, and I don't need you, you know, having something I couldn't see after you got all the way here. [ It's not bordering on plaintive at all, okay. This is just something that needs to be done. Please, Max. ] Then you can have bed. Or, ice cream, whatever you want.
i was super clear but then you weren't
The stream of words is pretty much exactly the right thing, her humming in agreement occasionally into his shirt as she seeks to just stay buried as close against him as she can get. She only moves when he asks her an actual question, just enough to look up at him. ] Whatever you want. [ Yeah, she's being pretty complacent here, but. ]
I don't care. Just don't go. Stay and you can do whatever you want.
not my job
The sheer amount of complacency there does give him pause for a moment, but he continues on without too much noticeable delay. ] Thanks. [ And okay, maybe he holds her a little tighter in return too, a little higher on his chest, because fuck, if she's okay with just agreeing to whatever he wants to do - they have a lot of trust here obviously, but he's thinking of what it would take to get him to just give her free reign like that, and even with trust and their relationship freestanding it isn't that cheap a decision. ] I'm seriously - honest, I'm not going anywhere. I might have to put you down for a minute, but I'm not leaving. I'm going to stay as close as you want as soon as I make sure you're not actually dying, okay? [ hah hah right no ] It'll be fast.
but that means i have to do all the clarity that seems hard
She takes the shift in the security of his arms without comment, presses a hand over the reactor again because she needs it there even over his shirt. The thing is, whatever he wants to do with her, to her, whatever - she couldn't stop anything right now. She knows that quite thoroughly by now, knows that in her current state fighting back is a useless exercise, just futility on top of futility. She did it anyways, of course. When doesn't she?
With him, is the answer. Tony won't hurt her. He's the only person she can trust not to hurt her, if it's really him, and if it's not him then she doesn't think she actually cares anymore about anything. So he gets absolute full rein right now, and she just nods. ] Okay. Sure. I'm not dying, I promise. [ She curls her hand around her neck. ] They wouldn't let me. But I know stuff needs fixing. That's okay.
yeah it seems like it might be
Well, if she hadn't fought back anyway, he would have been even more worried about her than he is already. Not having fought back at all would have meant that there was something all but irrevocably and intrinsically broken here - he's confident in his ability to at least figure out how to fix whatever physical issues might pop up with all of this. If he can't do it himself, he can still find someone else who can. But ... anything beyond that? He can't fix that. He can't even begin to fix that.
They wouldn't let her. Fuck. ] Well, there's one thing we can agree on, at least. [ It's meant to be light, but the tone is absolutely humorless. ] Just x-rays and a scan, okay? Won't take long at all, promise. J's good at these. Look, see, here's the table, I just gotta set you down and let the man do his scans, then I'll be right back over.
wow look at all this sympathy you have for me
It's funny he thinks that, given how far he managed to fix it previously without even trying. But she's not quite that thoroughly broken - she has plenty of fight in her left for the day to day difficulties. It's just that if this was false, turned out now to be nothing more than a trap, that would be too much of a blow. Her strength is already quite sapped, she doesn't have the resilience to handle a loss quite that extreme. So no more fighting back, right now.
She can hear that in his voice, shakes her head against him just a little bit before she changes it to a nod instead, lets him set her down and resolutely doesn't try to hold onto him instead no matter how much she wants to. The idea of him seeing the results of his scans isn't actually an appealing one given that she's fairly certain they're going to make him quite angry, but it's necessary. ] I believe you.
i spaced them out what do you want from me.
Yes, well. He still quantifies in the immediately measurable. Sue him, it's his scientific mindset, and he reserves the right to remain set in his ruts and ways.
It's fine though, he doesn't really want to let go of her either. Like, at all. But he's metal man and he'll fuck up the scans if he doesn't at least put a few feet and probably something solid-ish between them for a few seconds anyway. ] Right back.
[ So, stepping away, that's fine. He can do that. And then he can also step right back as soon as he's able, scoop her back up because fuck it, who's tired, he doesn't feel okay without her being that close right now. Moving somewhere a little better in the process - ] J, bring those with me, okay? [ - a little more comfortable for the both of them, where he can sit down with her and she can just stay on him or she can shift off to his side but either way, will be better on the bruises and whatever else he can already guess is there. ] Do you need water? A bath? Anything, really, is what I meant. Do you need anything?
you are ridiculous i can't even
She's fairly rigid and tense by the time he comes back, curling her hand into his shirt as soon as he picks her up and letting her breath out in a long relieved sigh. So long as he's here she feels better. She does stay on him, curled into him as much as she possibly can. Shakes her head a little, considers, revises her opinion. ] I probably need to get clean. Clean would be good. [ Clean would be really good, now that she's thinking about it. Wash everything off and start over again. ]
And I'd like to cut my hair.
yeah probably
That'll be easier to do if it's wet. If I'm doing it. Which is probably a bad idea but if you need it done immediately, then it's pretty much either me or Dummy, and I doubt you want him doing it. So. [ Bath time it is. Right. He'll go ahead and start moving. Jarvis is awesome - he'll have started a bath in the appropriate en suite by the time he gets there. ] I can leave you to it, or. Whatever you want. I mean, I won't be much further than the door either way, but. Up to you.
no subject
I don't care what it looks like, I just want it gone. [ It's too long and too hard to scrub clean and it's not the first time she's done this, used cutting off her hair as a means of gaining back some amount of control. It works well enough. But her response to his next bit is immediate and a little pleading. ]
Please don't go. [ That was too desperate, she doesn't want to be desperate. Her next words are more subdued. ] You may not want to watch, but I don't want you to go anywhere else. [ If he just wants to sit nearby with his back turned that's fine, she doesn't expect him to be at all okay with seeing any of this really. ]
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[ Hey, hey, it's fine. It was an offer, not an informed statement as to what would be happening. He'd told her closer to himself but one: he's supposed to be putting her down, and two: he's probably been doing that enough as it is and doesn't want to hurt her. ] Shh, no worries, I can handle whatever you throw at me, that's half the point. Sparing your discomfort, or something, shows what I get trying to be aware of feelings. Here, just sit tight for a second, listen to the - uh - water or, hey, I'll just keep talking. Towels are there, gotta get everything else within reach. Ish. How 'bout them... Dodgers? Mets? It's baseball for that, right? I could just say Giants, I think that's two sports in one stone anyway.
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[ She's not going to say no to him holding her closer at any point here, but she does accept being put down, moves to the edge of the bath and starts taking her clothes off before slipping into the bath. Warm water, okay, that's pretty amazing. The sensation of dirt and blood peeling off, even better. ] You shouldn't have to. But thank you. [ He shouldn't be having to deal with any of this. But god, it's nice listening to him talk. She huffs out a breath of air, shakes her head slowly. ] I love you.
[ Not what she'd intended to respond with, but that doesn't make it any less terribly accurate. ]
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Of course you do. Me too. To you, I mean. And obviously to me too, I definitely love me some me. Let's see how you're doing - [ and wow yup definitely gonna keep talking, and not about how that water is turning an interesting shade he would call 'grunge pink'. Maybe. ] - I can go that, I mean, I can stay here or whatever. We already had this conversation, I know. Here's that washcloth I promised. Maybe Seattle Champagne. That's a good name. Consonance and all.
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