fe_male | memeboxing

[ That does work out totally well, and she settles herself in against his chest and sighs out as he rests his chin on her head. She guesses this means it's time to think of the future. She doesn't really do that. Tony's the futurist. She's just been living day to day. It really hasn't been that long, comparatively speaking, since she first started even thinking more than a week ahead, or since she first started assuming there would be someone else present in her immediate day to day life.

At his laugh she lifts a hand, curls it around his neck so that she can rub the back of it. ]

I wonder if JARVIS has parenting tutorials. Maybe he can find them. [ And now she's the one rambling a little, combating a wave of unsureness. ] But you're right. We're better. With each other. [ A pause, as she evaluates how presumptuous that sounds. ] At least, I'm better with you. It will be ok, we'll - we'll be ok.

[ He can't really help her out there - he's got no idea how to fix this, as is evidenced partially by his decision to simply not even try. Part of that decision is also due to sheer avoidance and emotional immaturity. But he doesn't think she made it any worse. Made it a little more evident, perhaps. But while she brought things closer to the surface, sure, she allowed him to actually vent some of them out. It doesn't look like it yet, but it's good, even if marginally so.

They have a slightly different opinion on asking for things, maybe. Or he just didn't think about it beforehand. Or he doesn't even consider that asking for help when it seems to a normal person to be the most necessary option is a possibility at all. He asks for smaller things, things he's sure he can get. Bigger things? He's learned to just trust himself for those, and while he knows intellectually that she's likely not to ever say no, his instincts are a totally different matter. His expression goes a little shuttered, filing things back behind where they belong again, albeit imperfectly so. ] I don't– I mean. I ask - I don't know what to say to that.

[ Well, he did actively try and keep it from her, so she probably shouldn't feel too bad about it. It scared him - that's what he does with things that scare him. He pretends they don't exist, more or less. Or he turns them into triumphs and kicks their ass instead. This isn't really something he can do the latter with, so the former it is.

Also yeah he doesn't like that answer either, although his response this time is more of a bitter snort. ] Yeah, that'll work. [ That's probably mildly insulting to her, even though he means 'that won't work for me specifically', but he's not thinking like that right now. He's just getting quiet again. ] So it just. Stays. You live with it.

Fuck. [ He can't tell if she's actually helping or not, initially, the way she's moving. It's certainly not helping his concentration at all, not that he needs a whole lot right now. It's a little harder, doing the button with only one hand, but he does have a bit of practice and once that's done, the zipper is easy. He was totally going to help her with hers after he got that done, but she's cleverly made that a non-issue, so he moves instead to hastily pushing them down enough, thumb in the waistband of the pants and underwear. It's not too difficult to pull them down enough - the pants sit a little lower now, just under his ass, but that's fine because he needed the space to keep his leg where it is for the moment - and then he isn't wasting time lining them both up and more or less letting gravity take care of the rest. ]

[ Yeah, well, futurist he may be, he never envisioned one where he had children. At least, not one where he had children he knew about before they were at least four years old and their mothers came back calling for paternity tests and child support and some sort of pro bono lawyer looking to make a name for themselves. That one he has thought about several times. This one? Not so much. ]

I've heard there are actually multiple parenting advice books and tutorials. Practically several, even. I'm sure he'll be able to hunt them down. [ He didn't take it that way at all. It's the truth, as far as he's aware. They're better with each other. ] It's mutual. We'll be okay. [ He suddenly realizes the way that they're talking about this. It's a baby. Don't most people consider this a good thing? ] It's a tiny person who can't tell us no or complain for like, a whole two and a half years. It'll be cake.

[ She really, really hopes so, because if she didn't help at all, if she actively made things worse - that she's not entirely sure she could forgive herself. He has given her so much, and she cannot repay it with this. (She knows that's hypocritical, after how much she needs him to not be doing things for her because he feels he owes her. But it's not that she owes him, it's that - it's that equality is important to her. Maybe to him too, maybe that's really what he means, but she doesn't know. It's complicated.)

She shakes her head a little, frustrated with herself at just how poorly she's doing tonight. ] You don't have to - you don't have to say anything. I just wanted to make sure you know you can ask for anything. [ And she looks at him for a moment then, utterly sincere and certain. ] Anything, okay?

[ She will probably never stop being slightly mad at herself when she finds out that Tony's still not quite able to tell her when things are wrong or if something's scaring him, because she feels like she should be able to convince him of this, should be able to make him see that she can help, that she wants to help. But she never can quite, so for now she just curbs down that instinctive response and sighs a little.

Because. Well. Yeah. ] There's ways to make it easier, and it doesn't necessarily last forever. Mine are really infrequent now. [ But that's the most she can offer him, because she doesn't know anyone who's managed to get rid of them entirely. Sometimes she thinks she has, but never quite. ] And I'm here. Whenever.

[ The sentiment behind his fuck is echoed in the way she grunts as he moves, grip on his shoulder tightening as she works at keeping herself up and not distracting him too much because what he's doing now she's pretty invested in, seriously, she wants those pants down. They need to come down, and she mutters come on against the skin of his neck and then oh god, yes, good, she's shifting herself as quickly as he's working at it and a moment later she's sliding down onto him, as impatient as him. ] Tony. [ Gasped out as she twists her hips against his as much as she's able to. She just really needs the movement, right now, movement of any kind. ]

[ She's never envisioned such a future even a tiny bit. It just - there was literally never a moment that it seemed reasonable or a possibility or something that she could ever want. And she's still not sure that she does want it, but she thinks she does. She thinks she does. ]

JARVIS is a good guy. I'm sure he'll take care of us. And we'll take care of each other. And it. It'll be good. [ They'll be okay. And yes, it is the truth, it's just that sometimes she says these things and then wonders if he feels the same way, if he really feels as benefited by this as she does. She thinks so sometimes and others is terribly unsure of it.

Apparently most people do consider a baby to be a very good thing, but they're not normal people and they have a rather specific range of experiences and a lifestyle that makes their deep wariness of the entire situation pretty understandable. ] We'll have to keep it safe. [ Oh. Oh, god. ]

[ Maybe she should ask him about it later. Maybe they should be more emotions later, because it's not like either of the both of them isn't going to actively avoid that sort of shit, right?

He's still asking from behind the mask that's fallen back into place, albeit from sort of around the edge of the side of it, metaphorically speaking. ] What if I don't want to ask for help? [ He means 'is that an option i have', 'will you make me accept help if i don't ask for it and you think i need it', 'what's the criterion for "needing" something beyond just wanting it?' ]

[ That gets his attention. That gives him hope beyond basically anything else so far beyond whatever it was she told him so he could initially calm down, because it's just clicked with something she said a few moments ago. ]

I didn't know you had them. This bad?

[ He mumbles something in return that's probably supposed to be something like 'I'm working on it' but may or may not be predominantly unintelligible because he really is working on it and he's working on her neck and he doesn't have the processing power right now to properly run verbal commands. But he does get it done, and then they're together, and holy shit, and he needs a second, but she's already twisting, urging him to move, and so he cuts his second short and rocks up into her. He does it again, shifting his weight a little so she's not partially resting on his leg anymore but is held up entirely by his arms and his pelvis and her own bracing against the wall, and he uses the leverage and gravity to thrust up into her with more force than normal, gradually, slowly - then quickly - working up into a rhythm. ]

[ He'll feel more and more as though it's a good thing as time progresses. He'll be cautious at first, because he too, will be unsure as to how she feels about it, but he'll eventually not be able to help himself - he'll wind up building bricks and beams for baby hospitals, new technology to monitor infants, better cribs and such that stimulate multiple forms of learning more efficiently. Better armor for himself not just in terms of firepower but in terms of protection, and the same for her in the gear that she utilizes. ]

We do an okay job of that with each other. And... it won't be rushing into battle every other day. For at least a few years, anyway. If we don't have a grip on things by then -- [ he was about to say then they probably ought to just let ...it, leave, but he realized this wasn't perhaps the best phrasing. ] I believe in you. I trust you.

[ She might ask him about it when this has calmed down a little, because she thinks this is kind of important to get right. TO know about, at least.

There's a short pause after that, because him not wanting help is a different thing than him not being willing to ask for help he wants. She'd like to think simply making him accept help would work, and on occasion it has, but it's a delicate matter. ] I'll just hope eventually you will. [ Because she doesn't know what else to do or say, right now. ]

[ She just shrugs at first, trying to consider how to phrase it. She doesn't want him to think he should have noticed at some point, or to think that she's been actively hiding it, it's just that she's become as good as possible at keeping them unnoticeable. Weakness shown in front of others is power given to them that she has never been willing to hand over. ]

Sometimes. Not usually, anymore. Like I said, it can improve.

[ That's okay, she got the general meaning out of that well enough between the tone of his voice and the fact that he is totally working on it. He's working on everything, and the moment they come together her breath comes out in a hiss. ] Jesus. [ It's tight and uncontrolled, nothing about her movements or words right now particularly well thought out or under her control. She helps with the slight shift in support as well as she can, pushing back into his thrusts with the aid of gravity and working on trying to assist him in setting up a rhythm even as her breath catches every time he pushes into her. This setting she is definitely a fan of, the way the leverage is incredibly effective and he's so close to her. ]

[ That's a reaction she can understand pretty well, and really seeing him get invested in the concept is as likely to make her come to a decision one way or another as anything else. Though right now, safe against him, she feels safe enough to think she does want this. ]

We do. But I don't want it to stop you from doing what you'd normally do. [ If that means rushing into battle, then okay, she can live with it. The Avengers have his back and if they don't she does and he's not going to die. She's most worried about the people who have already proved they don't mind coming after Tony and Max in person, on their downtime. She's going to have to make a list, of people she thinks would use a child against her. Against them. What she does then she's not sure.

But at those last words she sighs out her tension, presses her lips against his chest through his shirt. It's not about sex at all, or turning him on, just a simple expression of affection and faith. ] I trust you too. This will work, one way or another.

[ Probably a better idea, yeah.

It's not that he doesn't want help, specifically. It's more that when he needs it, and doesn't realize it's an option, and then suddenly it's offered, his instinctive reaction is to reject it outright. He doesn't need help, and how dare you insinuate as such. He's perfectly capable.

It's less to do with knowing he needs help and simply not wanting it than it is to do with the knee-jerk reaction of refusing that which he didn't realize he needed being suddenly offered. Which is, more or less, often the case.

He stays quiet for a little while, mulling all of this over, trying to push thoughts to the side so he can think. ]

How would you help right now?

[ The whole 'how did i not notice that' thing will hit him once he stops being quite so self-centred and starts to really mull it over. As it is, he's not that phased by it. Just considering. ]

What else do you do?

[ He is close to her, and it's an almost imperceptible lean backwards to ensure that the arc reactor isn't bothering her, given how they're close and he doesn't want to leave uncomfortable lines on her breasts or anywhere else. Arms stay put, just the shoulders and inner chest pull back just a tad. But he's still keeping that rhythm, settling into one that both he and she seem to be falling into, and it's a relief to have the pattern down but now it's a matter of time. He buries his face in her shoulder, this time with his forehead resting against it as he thrusts and rocks up into her. He doesn't really have enough processing energy to talk right now, between holding her up and the steady movement, but he can still show her that he appreciates her, that he loves her even if he can't say it. It might not be traditional, it might not actually even be how most people define love, but it's love in the manner in which he understands it, and that's good enough for him. ]

I doubt anything will stop me from doing what I normally do. [ It's a fairly self-deprecating remark, but it's true. Tony Stark habitually does what he wants. It's a thing. ] But it won't stop you either. We'll share. I think that's the whole reason it takes two people to do this. Two people, two chances for every little thing. [ More or less. He's talking himself into it, sort of.

But also considering her point-of-view on things, in as well as he can. The notion about their enemies using a baby as collateral or the ultimate bargaining chip is... yes, somewhat high, but he doesn't know if that's really something to be worried about. Sure, a baby is particularly defenseless, but it isn't as though both he and Max don't find themselves in harm's way due to prior history of some villain with the other. ]

Yeah, yeah. We'll make it work. We're totally intelligent enough to pull this off.

[ It's a knee jerk response she can understand. She wishes it wasn't there and that it wasn't something it was necessary to struggle past, and that she understands it doesn't mean it doesn't sometimes frustrate her badly. But she does understand it.

He seems to not realize that help could be a good thing so often. A lot of the time she thinks it's simply because it's been offered to him so little, that he never expects the possibility and learned instead to convince himself he didn't need it. ]

I don't know yet. [ Honest, because that's the only way she can be with him. Lying would get her nowhere. ] But I can find a way. [ With enough determination, anything is possible, and she is very determined. ]

[ She'd prefer it not hit him at all, okay, that would be fine. He can just skim over that part of things and go into the she might be able to help him side of things. That's fine. ]

Deep breathing exercises. Alcohol, sometimes, when there's not reasons not to. There's some thought type exercises that can help a little. [ This short pause, and then she rests her hands on her knees, palms up. ] Nothing makes it stop. But they can help make it a little easier.

[ She wraps her arms around him, in part so that she can help support herself and in part to rest her hands on the back of his head and neck, run up and down and then just hold on. Him not talking is okay, she doesn't have a lot of ability to speak beyond one syllable things that don't take thought and come to her automatically. Not talking is a sign of the moment, really. Not that she realizes precisely what he's saying. She can understand the feeling and most of the sentiment but her mind would balk long before she considered it a feeling of love. But it doesn't really matter whether she can consciously frame it as such - she understands, on a certain level, and she meets every thrust with her body, turns her lips to just by his ear and whispers encouragement, fragmented and disjointed but certainly there. ]

[ Her laugh at that is a little choked and cut off, but it's there nonetheless because it's true, this is Tony they're talking about after all. She's pretty sure if the entire world tried to tell him to do something he'd manage to do whatever he wanted anyways. ]

We're a little fucked up. [ It's possibly the wrong response to his reassurance (to her, to himself), but the tone she says it in says that she's not thinking of it as an insult at this moment. Some other time, maybe. Right now she's just stating it as a fact, a sort of darkly amusing one. ]

But you're right. [ The first tilt of a real smile on her mouth since she found out, and she tries to quell the sudden hope in her chest because that's not smart, being hopeful is a bad idea. ] We'll do good.

memeboxing

sharing pillow forts with you is a totally acceptable brand of captivity it's cool

that sounds dangerous for us both

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ok good

no i don't think so i think it sounds like it would work fine

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and in such a case i suppose stockholm would set in quickly. or immediately.

....are you /sure/?

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....idk if it would count if you were a willing participant prior to the onset of stockholm

positive

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maybe this is how friendship works then?

huh.

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oh god maybe you're right

i have very firm opinions

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i'm totally right i think friendship is mutual stockholm syndrome