[ What a shame, she was definitely hoping for a noise. A noise quite like that one that totally didn't happen just now. She may just have to put a little more effort into obtaining another one that can't be explained away as hypothetical at all. And that is precisely what she's going to do, grinding down into his push up as she sucks a mark onto his skin. ]
[ He's still looking at the desk, because there's a myriad of thoughts tumbling around in his mind with an equally tempestuous swirl of emotions and looking at something solid, safe, and unmoving, will totally help him sort all of that out. He's not looking at the test anymore, just at the desk's surface, more or less just sort of zoning out on it. He's not going to be back for a little while here, but just give him a second.
A lot of flashbacks happening, the highlights and lowlights of his own life coming to pass by like projections on microfiche. It's not that the news is particularly unwanted, just that it's staggeringly sudden, and carries with it a whole new door of doubt and and inferiority and criticism and uncertainty that Tony hasn't even opened yet, at this point.
He glances back over at her a little while later. He's not really any clearer about things from his own end, but he's realized he should probably be a little more helpful towards her. As shocking as this is to him it must be even more so to her. ]
You're a lot safer now. If you wanted to keep it.
A lot of flashbacks happening, the highlights and lowlights of his own life coming to pass by like projections on microfiche. It's not that the news is particularly unwanted, just that it's staggeringly sudden, and carries with it a whole new door of doubt and and inferiority and criticism and uncertainty that Tony hasn't even opened yet, at this point.
He glances back over at her a little while later. He's not really any clearer about things from his own end, but he's realized he should probably be a little more helpful towards her. As shocking as this is to him it must be even more so to her. ]
You're a lot safer now. If you wanted to keep it.
[ He makes it about a little under two minutes into that steady gaze and breaks. ]
I'm barely keeping down a juice box, my legs feel like they belong to somebody else, the reactor weighs about three times as much as it usually does, and I think if I stand up too fast I'm gonna pass out. How do you think I'm doing? [ When evasion doesn't work, go on the defensive! He's more than irked that this is even a problem - normal people don't have basic functionality problems like this. He's even more annoyed that she apparently had to become privy to the issue, as though it were something he'd really have been able to keep from her. ]
I'm barely keeping down a juice box, my legs feel like they belong to somebody else, the reactor weighs about three times as much as it usually does, and I think if I stand up too fast I'm gonna pass out. How do you think I'm doing? [ When evasion doesn't work, go on the defensive! He's more than irked that this is even a problem - normal people don't have basic functionality problems like this. He's even more annoyed that she apparently had to become privy to the issue, as though it were something he'd really have been able to keep from her. ]
are you going to bully me into accepting compliments now too
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motherofnemesis
2013-05-19 07:04 am (UTC)(link)
[ She watches him watching the desk for that long moment, recognizing in his expression approximately the same things that she's feeling right now. Or at least somewhat similar, in many parts. They neither of them had the most functional examples of how to be parents, or the sort of lives suited to finding out regardless. The idea of being responsible for a life, of being that utterly tied to one place for so long.
Her breath is coming shaky and faster than she wants, but for the moment she's still fairly under control. Freaking out more than a little internally, but they tend to figure things out. They're good at figuring things out. This won't be any different, right? ] I don't know, there's so much -
[ Glancing around the workshop, at everything that's become such an indicator of safety and comfort to her. That she's able to say this next part without real hesitation or consideration is a fairly big deal, really. ] I am safe. I know that, but this is. It's really big.
Her breath is coming shaky and faster than she wants, but for the moment she's still fairly under control. Freaking out more than a little internally, but they tend to figure things out. They're good at figuring things out. This won't be any different, right? ] I don't know, there's so much -
[ Glancing around the workshop, at everything that's become such an indicator of safety and comfort to her. That she's able to say this next part without real hesitation or consideration is a fairly big deal, really. ] I am safe. I know that, but this is. It's really big.
Edited 2013-05-19 07:06 (UTC)
they may have jumped ahead in the /wrong/ timestream on accident
motherofnemesis
2013-05-19 07:28 am (UTC)(link)
[ Tony no. Evasiveness is not a good thing, she doesn't like it and it weirds her out and she knows it means something's wrong. There's a long pause. ]
Do you feel like you owe me something? [ There's nothing judgmental in her voice, just genuine curiosity and a certain reserve covering sadness. ]
Do you feel like you owe me something? [ There's nothing judgmental in her voice, just genuine curiosity and a certain reserve covering sadness. ]
Not too hot, sounds like. [ But her voice is calm as she leans forward, presses the back of her hand to his forehead to check if there's any fever going on. Just to be certain, and then she takes another sip of her juicebox and presses closer against him, offering as much support as she can. ] Do you know what it was?
[ Oh, much better, she likes the not even a little hypothetical version of that noise. It's really satisfying, and the nip of her teeth is sharp and heavy for a moment before she starts to sit up, reaching to pull him with her. ] Bed. [ Or a wall or a couch if they can't make it to bed, but even a matted floor isn't really going to be that comfortable, and they're in a house. ]
[ He'd help with the way that she's freaking out if he weren't doing the same thing himself. He's not a great person, and he's always been almost certain that he'd be a horrible father, been worried, in fact, that if it ever came to pass, that he'd be just like his own, because why wouldn't he? Maybe even worse, because Howard Stark was a great man, and if he's already starting at a deficit, how can Tony even compare? And while he knows he's more than capable of providing an adequate lifestyle, what happens if something happens to him, to Max? He doesn't want to orphan his own offspring in turn. Not when he knows what that feels like.
But for the most part he feels like... It's her decision. She has more issues with this, he thinks, and it's her body and her mind and yeah he has opinions but until they get past the initial 'What do you want to do?' he doesn't know where to even begin coming in with anything. The overwhelming majority is that obviously, they're both ill-equipped, ill-suited, their lifestyle doesn't allow for it, but, at the same time, it's theirs. He can't tell what his feelings are doing right now at all. Isn't half of this supposed to kick in after he's holding the baby - isn't that when paternal instincts kick in, when they have the child in their hands? ]
Yeah, it's big. So we should think about it carefully. But what do you want?
But for the most part he feels like... It's her decision. She has more issues with this, he thinks, and it's her body and her mind and yeah he has opinions but until they get past the initial 'What do you want to do?' he doesn't know where to even begin coming in with anything. The overwhelming majority is that obviously, they're both ill-equipped, ill-suited, their lifestyle doesn't allow for it, but, at the same time, it's theirs. He can't tell what his feelings are doing right now at all. Isn't half of this supposed to kick in after he's holding the baby - isn't that when paternal instincts kick in, when they have the child in their hands? ]
Yeah, it's big. So we should think about it carefully. But what do you want?
[ He only flinches a little bit when she puts the back of her hand to his forehead, and he isn't even sure why. He feels hot but he doubts that he actually is by this point. He probably was earlier, but now he's calmed down too much believe it or not. He's going to feel hot again though, if he can't calm down more, with her lying against him. He can't calm down all the way and he can't figure out why. ] I have no idea what it -- Do I know what what was?
[ Yeah, he sits up with her, holding onto her like he'll never let go, then just stands up, still holding on to her. Hopefully she put her legs around his waist, but he's walking either way. Walking and refusing to remove his mouth from the delicious slope of her shoulder where he's buried his face now, and he does, indeed, stop at a wall first, at least by the doorway, to pay proper attention to that spot, because he can now and he basically feels like he needs to. ]
well. okay, i guess there are worse things to be bullied over
motherofnemesis
2013-05-20 07:38 am (UTC)(link)
[ She opens her mouth to answer, closes it again. That's the million dollar question, isn't it? Part of her wants her body to be hers again, now, yesterday even. The idea of not having full control over it again, even in such a completely different way, it's - it's not a pleasant thought. What if she keeps it, and sometime when she most needs to be able to she's not able to fight, not able to do anything but watch something terrible happen? What if, what if, there are a million ways this could go so terribly wrong.
And then there's the other hand, because against all the odds they have created a chance for life. A chance for something new and bright and untouched by tragedy, and they're - they're strong, they could keep it safe at least, they could be there. Not repeat the mistakes their parents had made. Right? One hand drops to rest flat on her stomach almost unconsciously, despite the fact that she knows she's not showing at all yet. Yet. Well, that's somewhat telling. ]
I think. [ Quiet, very precise to cover how unsure she is. ] Maybe. I would like to try.
And then there's the other hand, because against all the odds they have created a chance for life. A chance for something new and bright and untouched by tragedy, and they're - they're strong, they could keep it safe at least, they could be there. Not repeat the mistakes their parents had made. Right? One hand drops to rest flat on her stomach almost unconsciously, despite the fact that she knows she's not showing at all yet. Yet. Well, that's somewhat telling. ]
I think. [ Quiet, very precise to cover how unsure she is. ] Maybe. I would like to try.
Yeah? [ Well, that's... That's a thing. He can roll with that. They can try. Okay, sure. They can try. He nods a couple of times, still thinking it over, still more or less in shock. ]
Okay.
[ They fit together so well as it is, right? If they can fix each other up like they have, if they can stay together like they have, then maybe it won't be as bad as all his worries have made it out to be. After all, when he was considering the possibility all those times before, he didn't have her in the picture. She helps balance things out. Helps steady circumstances and him. So maybe it'll be okay. ]
We can try.
Okay.
[ They fit together so well as it is, right? If they can fix each other up like they have, if they can stay together like they have, then maybe it won't be as bad as all his worries have made it out to be. After all, when he was considering the possibility all those times before, he didn't have her in the picture. She helps balance things out. Helps steady circumstances and him. So maybe it'll be okay. ]
We can try.
[ well damn
She is still about 97.8% certain that he is lying about that to her right now, which is an unsettling and kind of very unpleasant feeling. It's not - she doesn't know how to make it clearer or even if she should, if he really does need that. ]
... Okay. [ For the moment - for now she can choose to let it go. After everything that he's just handled, he doesn't need this on top of that. It wasn't fair of her. ] Do you need some water?
She is still about 97.8% certain that he is lying about that to her right now, which is an unsettling and kind of very unpleasant feeling. It's not - she doesn't know how to make it clearer or even if she should, if he really does need that. ]
... Okay. [ For the moment - for now she can choose to let it go. After everything that he's just handled, he doesn't need this on top of that. It wasn't fair of her. ] Do you need some water?
[ She can take a guess as to why he can't calm down entirely, and another one as to why he felt like this in the first place. It's not one that he's going to enjoy her making, she thinks, but she has fairly significant experience with PTSD, both in herself and in the others around her. ] I think you had a panic attack. [ Watching him carefully, still evaluating. ] Going from what I felt when I got back.
[ She has to say that she is a huge fan of the way that particular method of holding onto her feels, because right now she'd be more than okay with never letting him go. And she definitely wrapped her legs around his waist as he stood up, is trying to both kiss his neck and make sure that they're headed in the right direction and not running into anything they shouldn't be because he seems pretty thoroughly entranced by her shoulder and she's also really okay with that, that's great. Totally keep doing that, Tony.
She takes advantage of the wall at her back to wrap herself more firmly about his waist so that she has a good vantage point from which to move her mouth slowly down the side of his neck, down to the pulse point and where it meets his shoulder, all kinds of open skin to explore. ]
She takes advantage of the wall at her back to wrap herself more firmly about his waist so that she has a good vantage point from which to move her mouth slowly down the side of his neck, down to the pulse point and where it meets his shoulder, all kinds of open skin to explore. ]
Yeah. I mean. [ A short considering pause, and then she nods once, short and sharp. ] I can't tell yet, I don't know if I'll still - I don't like my body changing.
[ Which was disjointed and not particularly clear, but hopefully the idea got across. Maybe it will be different if it's something she ultimately chose. Maybe, but she's not sure yet. ]
I don't want to do anything without you. It's your choice too. [ And oh, god, they'll have to think about the publicity and the newspapers and the Avengers and - she takes a deep breath. That doesn't matter yet. Just them matters, right now. Them and what they both want. ]
[ Which was disjointed and not particularly clear, but hopefully the idea got across. Maybe it will be different if it's something she ultimately chose. Maybe, but she's not sure yet. ]
I don't want to do anything without you. It's your choice too. [ And oh, god, they'll have to think about the publicity and the newspapers and the Avengers and - she takes a deep breath. That doesn't matter yet. Just them matters, right now. Them and what they both want. ]
[ Wow, there's a whole 2.2% chance he isn't lying? He's doing better than I thought.
And, yeah, okay, he just. He needs a moment, because they're both being fairly obvious and she's just letting him have it and for some reason he can't handle that. It's too much on top of everything else right now and he needs a minute by himself, so he nods in response to her question, even though he really doesn't want any water right now, like, at all, maybe ever. Some bourbon maybe, or whiskey, but definitely no water. But if it'll get her to leave, even just for a minute - because he also doesn't want to be by himself for too long - then it's fine, he'll deal. ]
And, yeah, okay, he just. He needs a moment, because they're both being fairly obvious and she's just letting him have it and for some reason he can't handle that. It's too much on top of everything else right now and he needs a minute by himself, so he nods in response to her question, even though he really doesn't want any water right now, like, at all, maybe ever. Some bourbon maybe, or whiskey, but definitely no water. But if it'll get her to leave, even just for a minute - because he also doesn't want to be by himself for too long - then it's fine, he'll deal. ]
[ Yeah she's right he doesn't like that diagnosis. He stops moving for a second, juice box paused mid-air, and then continues on like nothing happened. ] No, I don't, I don't think that was it. I've never had those before, I don't panic. That's dumb, why would I have a panic attack in my own house? There wasn't - nothing was happening.
[ It's okay he's not going to run her into anything. Probably. He's usually pretty good at not walking into things, actually, he's never been particularly clumsy, so the only thing he doesn't mind her hitting right now is the wall, and that was still done with a modicum of care. He doesn't want her head to smack it or anything, he just doesn't feel like waiting for a flat surface right now.
He is entranced by her shoulder, he's very happy in general with her shoulders and her neck and her everything else, really. He's happy with the way she adjusts herself, and he holds her up with his hips so that he can enjoy the way she feels under his hands a little better. Her own actions tend to somewhat stutter his own, eliciting a low sound of approval from his chest as he sucks a little harder than he meant to for a second, then moves up the side of her neck in return. ]
He is entranced by her shoulder, he's very happy in general with her shoulders and her neck and her everything else, really. He's happy with the way she adjusts herself, and he holds her up with his hips so that he can enjoy the way she feels under his hands a little better. Her own actions tend to somewhat stutter his own, eliciting a low sound of approval from his chest as he sucks a little harder than he meant to for a second, then moves up the side of her neck in return. ]
Understandable.
[ About her body changing. He can't really fathom carrying around another person for nine months. He's still getting over seven pieces of shrapnel in his chest - a baby seems far more invasive. ]
I already said, I mean. I'm... good with trying. That would be okay, if we tried. [ God don't even start thinking about press and shit okay you don't want to drown this early. ]
[ About her body changing. He can't really fathom carrying around another person for nine months. He's still getting over seven pieces of shrapnel in his chest - a baby seems far more invasive. ]
I already said, I mean. I'm... good with trying. That would be okay, if we tried. [ God don't even start thinking about press and shit okay you don't want to drown this early. ]
[ Not really, most of that 2.2% chance is for like, doppelgangers or something weird that she can't predict for.
She pauses, still watching him, and then gets up with one last brush of her hand across his knee before she bolts downstairs to get two bottles of water and bring them back up, handing one to him as she settles back on the bed nearby. ] You're good for me. [ She's not looking at him when she says it, instead down at her hands wrapped around her own bottle. ]
She pauses, still watching him, and then gets up with one last brush of her hand across his knee before she bolts downstairs to get two bottles of water and bring them back up, handing one to him as she settles back on the bed nearby. ] You're good for me. [ She's not looking at him when she says it, instead down at her hands wrapped around her own bottle. ]
Nothing has to be happening. [ She shrugs, talks as casually as she can and without watching him too closely. ] It felt a lot like one. It happens to a lot of people who've had major stress in their lives recently.
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