[ That's a long list of reasons that mostly involve her. If she knew that she wouldn't really know how to feel about it. She's stopped refusing to let herself think about precisely what this all means to her, because it means too much now for her to just refuse to acknowledge the depths of it, but that would still be a slight moment of pause. How did they do this to each other, this thing where they're both willing to do so much for each other? She'd told herself that was never going to happen again. It wasn't supposed to ever happen again, but here she is and here he is and it did happen.
There probably are somewhere guide sentinel pairings who take advantage of that, but she's neither a sadist nor a masochist and the thought of genuinely hurting him in any way terrifies her more than a little bit. She can't do that. She's hurt too many people, she refuses to add the person who genuinely means something to her to the list.
And oh god, that's good. She rocks down again, a little harder this time, her pace quickening because that feels amazing and she wants more of it, wants him in ways she can't even articulate at the moment, just hope it gets across in the way she says his name, low and drawn out, her own eyes closing again because it really is a massive amount of stimulus all at once and it's almost overwhelming. ]
no i will threaten you with love. somehow. i'm still not clear on details.
There probably are somewhere guide sentinel pairings who take advantage of that, but she's neither a sadist nor a masochist and the thought of genuinely hurting him in any way terrifies her more than a little bit. She can't do that. She's hurt too many people, she refuses to add the person who genuinely means something to her to the list.
And oh god, that's good. She rocks down again, a little harder this time, her pace quickening because that feels amazing and she wants more of it, wants him in ways she can't even articulate at the moment, just hope it gets across in the way she says his name, low and drawn out, her own eyes closing again because it really is a massive amount of stimulus all at once and it's almost overwhelming. ]