[ She thinks someday she'd like to be able to do that, just let down those defenses, but she also thinks that's not really a fair thing to do. They're present for a reason, present almost as much to keep others safe as to keep her safe as is possible from some of the worst memories. And right now - too much, if most likely the most effective.
She can still feel him. She can always feel him. His mind is like a beacon and she's very attuned to it, and right now she has to be connected with it to share this, beyond the normal connection she'd already had to be certain she would get the safeword if he sent it, and it's hard not to feel at least some of what he's feeling. It's an uncomfortable sensation, right now, because she doesn't want to be intruding without his explicit permission, but it's also simply something she can't avoid.
And oh. She draws in a deep breath when she sees his eyes, wets her lips a little nervously and almost breaks off the whole thing right there. She's not trying to make him cry, that's not. There's not a trace of a lie anywhere on her, though, and she knows what he's looking for, holds steady and lets him see whatever he needs. ] It's all the same. If you need more, you can have more, it's just - you won't enjoy it. It wasn't pleasant.
no subject
She can still feel him. She can always feel him. His mind is like a beacon and she's very attuned to it, and right now she has to be connected with it to share this, beyond the normal connection she'd already had to be certain she would get the safeword if he sent it, and it's hard not to feel at least some of what he's feeling. It's an uncomfortable sensation, right now, because she doesn't want to be intruding without his explicit permission, but it's also simply something she can't avoid.
And oh. She draws in a deep breath when she sees his eyes, wets her lips a little nervously and almost breaks off the whole thing right there. She's not trying to make him cry, that's not. There's not a trace of a lie anywhere on her, though, and she knows what he's looking for, holds steady and lets him see whatever he needs. ] It's all the same. If you need more, you can have more, it's just - you won't enjoy it. It wasn't pleasant.