[ That is the problem with the gag, yes, that it narrows down his ability to communicate what he wants, but it's also she feels highly necessary to keep him from trying to bullshit his way into not listening to what she's saying, much less having any shot at accepting it. And honestly right now it's a very good thing she can't really see his threatening tears because that might be enough to make her call the whole thing, shut it down and untie him and let him do whatever he wants, because she's not trying to make him cry, here. She just -
All she wants is for him to know and believe that he has done an immense amount for her.
It is easier to feel that through her hand than to actually see it, right now, and she pauses, shuts her eyes as she tries to determine the best way to do this. The easiest, the most true way, would be to simply open the locked doors that are always in her mind, constant and never breached, but she thinks that would be even more overwhelming than something a little more specific. But she can show him a memory of not too long before she met him, a meeting with some of the others, and there's not really much special about it except that everything about her mind in the memory is cold and sharp and angled, no room for warmth or kindness or anything but the mission. Certainly no room for happiness.
And she can let him compare it to everything of her mind she can leave open without overwhelming him, the way things just flow easier, the day to day happiness of the past week, month - months, really. Everything's lighter, and the thing is it's not hard to tell what's made the difference because him and being with him and the anchor his presence turns into is tangled up in her mind quite thoroughly, these days.
She's not sure if that will be enough, yet. Maybe not, maybe she'll have to dig deeper, but she wants to try something simple and hopefully not overwhelming before she tries anything more. See if it'll work. ]
no subject
All she wants is for him to know and believe that he has done an immense amount for her.
It is easier to feel that through her hand than to actually see it, right now, and she pauses, shuts her eyes as she tries to determine the best way to do this. The easiest, the most true way, would be to simply open the locked doors that are always in her mind, constant and never breached, but she thinks that would be even more overwhelming than something a little more specific. But she can show him a memory of not too long before she met him, a meeting with some of the others, and there's not really much special about it except that everything about her mind in the memory is cold and sharp and angled, no room for warmth or kindness or anything but the mission. Certainly no room for happiness.
And she can let him compare it to everything of her mind she can leave open without overwhelming him, the way things just flow easier, the day to day happiness of the past week, month - months, really. Everything's lighter, and the thing is it's not hard to tell what's made the difference because him and being with him and the anchor his presence turns into is tangled up in her mind quite thoroughly, these days.
She's not sure if that will be enough, yet. Maybe not, maybe she'll have to dig deeper, but she wants to try something simple and hopefully not overwhelming before she tries anything more. See if it'll work. ]