[ And he really appreciates that, honestly. He likes that she values his trust above his well-being, and that sounds really bad when it's put like that, but if she didn't, he wouldn't be close enough to her for her to bother valuing either.
He's not broadcasting a whole lot, for the fact that he's attempting not to. There's some anxiety, a high hum of it, emanating; some idle fear and melancholic worry; a large sum of irritation, though that was present before she started this conversation and has very little to do with her directly - the majority of it is in fact directed towards himself. But he doesn't want her to know these things, even if he's pretty sure she can feel half of them and whatever she can't feel is written in disorienting pastels across his face.
And why. He really doesn't ever have any one specifically good reason why he doesn't want anyone in on this. Beyond the fact that it's simply intensely personal due to the sheer amount of vulnerability sharing it creates, there's not a particularly rational reason to keep it to himself. He just. Feels like it. He doesn't want to share because he doesn't know where to even begin with it, even though he's actually shared a little bit with her in the past. He doesn't want to give anyone else those images or these feelings to deal with. He's supposed to fix problems, to be the futurist, and he almost can't handle how it goes that he can't even fix himself because he's hung up on things in the past. ]
It will. It's just... taking a while. It always gets better again. [ And no, that doesn't at all sound like 'It has to get better again.' ] It cycles. This is - it's just a long cycle.
his reasons?
He's not broadcasting a whole lot, for the fact that he's attempting not to. There's some anxiety, a high hum of it, emanating; some idle fear and melancholic worry; a large sum of irritation, though that was present before she started this conversation and has very little to do with her directly - the majority of it is in fact directed towards himself. But he doesn't want her to know these things, even if he's pretty sure she can feel half of them and whatever she can't feel is written in disorienting pastels across his face.
And why. He really doesn't ever have any one specifically good reason why he doesn't want anyone in on this. Beyond the fact that it's simply intensely personal due to the sheer amount of vulnerability sharing it creates, there's not a particularly rational reason to keep it to himself. He just. Feels like it. He doesn't want to share because he doesn't know where to even begin with it, even though he's actually shared a little bit with her in the past. He doesn't want to give anyone else those images or these feelings to deal with. He's supposed to fix problems, to be the futurist, and he almost can't handle how it goes that he can't even fix himself because he's hung up on things in the past. ]
It will. It's just... taking a while. It always gets better again. [ And no, that doesn't at all sound like 'It has to get better again.' ] It cycles. This is - it's just a long cycle.