[ Well good, because she doesn't mind being run a little into the wall but anywhere else would probably be mildly unpleasant. And she's pretty sure waiting for a flat surface would have been a huge pain and taken way too long right now.
Definitely too long, actually, and she presses her hips against his and molds her body along his as well as she can, nips down at his skin because that sound of approval was good, it was excellent even. She can go for that again, and her own groan isn't muffled at all. ]
Definitely too long, actually, and she presses her hips against his and molds her body along his as well as she can, nips down at his skin because that sound of approval was good, it was excellent even. She can go for that again, and her own groan isn't muffled at all. ]
that's not stockholm syndrome that's just thinking you're great
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motherofnemesis
2013-05-21 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
[ Yeah at the moment she can't really fathom it either, so she has no idea whether her ultimate reaction will be good or very very bad. ]
Okay then. [ This long pause, as if she's trying to accept the fact that they just agreed that they're going to try to do a thing that may end with a baby. ] Can we not tell anyone yet, I don't want to. Like. Pepper can know, but.
Okay then. [ This long pause, as if she's trying to accept the fact that they just agreed that they're going to try to do a thing that may end with a baby. ] Can we not tell anyone yet, I don't want to. Like. Pepper can know, but.
[ but there doesn't seem to be one. so.
That wasn't nearly enough time, okay. He has water behind his eyes that is not getting any further than that, okay, because it's not, he doesn't do that shit, but he needs a minute to curl over, elbows on his knees and rest his head on the back of his hands, move instead to lace his fingers together on the back of his head, take a few breaths that come faster than they probably should and then sit up quickly with a deep inhale when she returns faster than he was expecting. He doesn't actually want to take the bottle of water from her, but he doesn't feel like talking about it so he takes it anyway, holds it in one hand without doing anything further with it and similarly looking down. She seriously retrieved them faster than he was expecting.
He doesn't know what to say to that, either. Everything else must suck for you then doesn't seem like it'll be taken well, nor does insinuating she has some sort of mental deficiency. He settles instead on something that will hopefully cease this thread of conversation. ]
Thanks.
That wasn't nearly enough time, okay. He has water behind his eyes that is not getting any further than that, okay, because it's not, he doesn't do that shit, but he needs a minute to curl over, elbows on his knees and rest his head on the back of his hands, move instead to lace his fingers together on the back of his head, take a few breaths that come faster than they probably should and then sit up quickly with a deep inhale when she returns faster than he was expecting. He doesn't actually want to take the bottle of water from her, but he doesn't feel like talking about it so he takes it anyway, holds it in one hand without doing anything further with it and similarly looking down. She seriously retrieved them faster than he was expecting.
He doesn't know what to say to that, either. Everything else must suck for you then doesn't seem like it'll be taken well, nor does insinuating she has some sort of mental deficiency. He settles instead on something that will hopefully cease this thread of conversation. ]
Thanks.
Edited (whoops too many italics) 2013-05-21 23:38 (UTC)
[ He still doesn't like this suggestion. ] Me? [ What does he have to be stressed about? Beyond running a multi-billion dollar company, being head of R&D for the same company, working on a team full of super-heroes, having other... things going on. He can't imagine why she would say he's had major stress in his life recently. ] I don't think that was it.
[ Somehow he hadn't been expecting her to do that, and the way that he shifts his leg forward to help support her weight, presses back against her, is indicative beyond the second sound of approval that her actions are totally okay with him. He shifts suddenly back to kissing her mouth, looking for a way to advance this that doesn't involve letting her back down so they can continue removing clothing just yet. That'll be good, and he's very impatient, but right now he doesn't want to stop touching her. ]
[ Hopefully not... too bad. He'd feel bad if her reaction winds up being really bad, since it's sort of... His fault. Sort of.
You say that like they didn't already try to do a thing that might end in a baby. Several times, in fact. ]
I don't have anyone else to tell. I mean. Rhodey, but he'll find out when the news does. He's used to finding out things like that. [ It's cool though, she's not the only one still in moderate shock about this. ] Pepper probably will know. I can't keep secrets from Pepper. [ Like. At all. Ever. It's kind of pathetic. ] But I won't tell anyone. Not until it's okay.
You say that like they didn't already try to do a thing that might end in a baby. Several times, in fact. ]
I don't have anyone else to tell. I mean. Rhodey, but he'll find out when the news does. He's used to finding out things like that. [ It's cool though, she's not the only one still in moderate shock about this. ] Pepper probably will know. I can't keep secrets from Pepper. [ Like. At all. Ever. It's kind of pathetic. ] But I won't tell anyone. Not until it's okay.
[ She's moving so quickly mostly because she's pretty sure him being really alone right now could turn out to be a very bad idea, but when she walks in she almost hesitates and pretends she forgot something. But no, maybe she'll make up something else she needs to get in a little while if she thinks he'll need it. Maybe.
But she really wants to be near him as well right now. Her mouth twitches a little at that response, at the lack of sincerity in it she can feel, and then she sighs and takes a long drink of water, frowning at the wall absently. Tonight has been unsettling, more so for him than for her, and she doesn't know how to help him right now. ]
I mean it. [ But she doesn't know how to reinforce that without telling him why and right now - right now's not the right time. (She's not sure she'll ever find a right time.) ]
But she really wants to be near him as well right now. Her mouth twitches a little at that response, at the lack of sincerity in it she can feel, and then she sighs and takes a long drink of water, frowning at the wall absently. Tonight has been unsettling, more so for him than for her, and she doesn't know how to help him right now. ]
I mean it. [ But she doesn't know how to reinforce that without telling him why and right now - right now's not the right time. (She's not sure she'll ever find a right time.) ]
[ Yes, when you put it like that it doesn't sound like he's ever had anything to be stressed in. Add in PTSD and having recently narrowly escaped with his life from a traumatic battle and it's like there's zero reasons for him to not be a totally normally functioning person. ] Then what do you think it was? [ There's no judgment or argument in it, because she thinks that wouldn't go over well. ]
[ She gasps a little at that added pressure, one hand sliding down his back with rather more force behind it than normal and the other raking through his hair as she tilts her face up to meet his kiss, returning it with interest. Don't worry, she's totally okay with dragging out this moment right now. She definitely wants to be more naked than she is, and that moment will be fantastic, but right now she just wants to keep kissing him until she has to surface for breath and maybe then some more. ]
but i have thought you're great for ages! wait also when did you capture me
motherofnemesis
2013-05-22 03:50 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's about half and half. But she'd probably try to avoid letting him know anyways, even if it is a bad reaction in the end.
Yeah but she had a lot of reasons to believe there was almost 0 chance of there actually being a baby, this is - this is way different. She's silent for a moment at that first bit, because she's remembering that they're actually both pretty isolated people in many ways. They can't even really give a baby an extended family to fall back on if they screw up.
She really has to stop second guessing this decision. Abruptly she gets up and walks over to sit down on his lap and lean her forehead against his shoulder. For a moment she considers saying something, but she honestly has no idea what to say right now, so she's just going to sit here very quietly for a minute. Or two. ]
Yeah but she had a lot of reasons to believe there was almost 0 chance of there actually being a baby, this is - this is way different. She's silent for a moment at that first bit, because she's remembering that they're actually both pretty isolated people in many ways. They can't even really give a baby an extended family to fall back on if they screw up.
She really has to stop second guessing this decision. Abruptly she gets up and walks over to sit down on his lap and lean her forehead against his shoulder. For a moment she considers saying something, but she honestly has no idea what to say right now, so she's just going to sit here very quietly for a minute. Or two. ]
[ Like he has the energy to do anything drastic or permanent right now. He's fucking exhausted, and he's finally starting to feel it.
For the most part, he's content to just roll the bottle back and forth in his hands. He's making no obvious effort to drink from it, and is in fact staring at the top, where the fact that it's a bottle full of water is more readily apparent in the way it sloshes around just below the cap. ]
I know you do. [ It's quiet, and a little more sincere than how he spoke a few moments ago. He believes that she thinks she's telling the truth, he just doubts the relativity and accuracy of it. The following is a little more like how he was talking before, though. ] I'll be okay. This was good.
For the most part, he's content to just roll the bottle back and forth in his hands. He's making no obvious effort to drink from it, and is in fact staring at the top, where the fact that it's a bottle full of water is more readily apparent in the way it sloshes around just below the cap. ]
I know you do. [ It's quiet, and a little more sincere than how he spoke a few moments ago. He believes that she thinks she's telling the truth, he just doubts the relativity and accuracy of it. The following is a little more like how he was talking before, though. ] I'll be okay. This was good.
[ Aaaaaaaand that's where he falters, because he has no idea what it was - he thinks he said that, a few minutes ago, maybe he didn't, he's not actually sure - he just knows that he's viscerally opposed to the idea of it being... what she's saying it is. For the reasons he gave her earlier, the most prominent of which being both 'me' and 'that's dumb'. Great reasons. ] A twinge of cosmic angst? [ And where the hell did he pull that from? A childhood of sci-fi and fantasy and that's what he comes up with? At least it's self contained, fairly short. But he knows it's not going to fly, so he just takes another long draw from his juicebox. Unfortunately, it's a juice box, it doesn't have more than one long draw in it, so he winds up making that horrible gurgly sound and just tosses the empty thing across the floor so he can rest his forehead on his palm instead, elbow on the arm of the couch. ]
[ He takes the small gasp as opportunity to enter her mouth, rocking up against her even though there's really not a whole lot of available space there to do it. He kisses her until he has to stop, resting his forehead against hers and panting to catch his breath, irritated at needing air so quickly. It's only a little bit, but the slight amount of reduced lung capacity he knows he has is still annoying as hell in instances like this. He just wants to keep kissing her, to feel her underneath him, and to make up for having to stop, he presses harder against her again, moves to nuzzle at her neck again while he gets his wind back. ]
[ Well, he could tell the Avengers, but while they're all friends and he gets along with them, this is the sort of thing he would reserve until just before they were about to tell the rest of the world. For all his publicity and attention seeking behavior, Tony tends to keep his personal things remarkably close to his chest, and this is something that he regards as intensely personal. For the moment, at least. Potentially less so the more comfortable they both become with the idea, but until then. Like he said, he doesn't have anyone else to tell.
He looks at her again - finally - when she stands up so suddenly, and watches her as she walks over towards him and sits on his lap. It's uncharacteristic of her, of both of them, but he doesn't mind, just wraps his arms around her and clasps them loosely on the far side of her. It's nice, for a little while, the moments of silence, but Tony isn't capable of letting moments like that last for too long. At least when he does start talking it's quiet. Babbley, but not something he's just blurting out as a knee-jerk reaction. ] We'll be fine. We're both okay. I mean, we take care of each other, so. And we've taught each other things, so we're already accustomed to that. You in particular are used to working with someone who acts like a child most of the time, so. [ A little amusement, although he's not sure how it's received and he quiets again for a couple of seconds. ] It'll be okay.
He looks at her again - finally - when she stands up so suddenly, and watches her as she walks over towards him and sits on his lap. It's uncharacteristic of her, of both of them, but he doesn't mind, just wraps his arms around her and clasps them loosely on the far side of her. It's nice, for a little while, the moments of silence, but Tony isn't capable of letting moments like that last for too long. At least when he does start talking it's quiet. Babbley, but not something he's just blurting out as a knee-jerk reaction. ] We'll be fine. We're both okay. I mean, we take care of each other, so. And we've taught each other things, so we're already accustomed to that. You in particular are used to working with someone who acts like a child most of the time, so. [ A little amusement, although he's not sure how it's received and he quiets again for a couple of seconds. ] It'll be okay.
[ She was more just thinking of being left alone with his thoughts being a one way train into an even more unpleasant night than it's already likely to be.
But now she is watching him, and more specifically watching him watch the water, not saying anything about it yet. Just watching.
Her eyes flick to his face for a moment when he says he knows, then back down. He means that, but he didn't mean the preceding statement. Which is a juxtaposition she finds a little concerning. Or more than a little concerning. ] If you needed something, would you ask me for it?
But now she is watching him, and more specifically watching him watch the water, not saying anything about it yet. Just watching.
Her eyes flick to his face for a moment when he says he knows, then back down. He means that, but he didn't mean the preceding statement. Which is a juxtaposition she finds a little concerning. Or more than a little concerning. ] If you needed something, would you ask me for it?
[ He did, which is in part why she asked him again actually. Yeah, not really fair, she knows. But she feels fairly certain she has the diagnosis right, so she's not interesting in coming up with fake answers to give him. Mostly right now she's worried about the future, and the past. Panic attacks rarely come singly - either he's going to continue to have them, or he's been having them, or both. And if he's been having them, how on earth did she miss it? She needs to find it. ] I have literally no idea what that means. [ Deadpan and matter-of-fact. She doesn't want to force him into facing any ideas, but she's not going to let him get away with bullshit here either. It's hard to fix something you won't admit is a problem.
She waits a moment after that gesture, holds her own mostly untouched one in front of him and settles her free hand on his back, running it up and down. ] It's going to be okay, Tony. I'm right here and it's over. You're going to be okay.
She waits a moment after that gesture, holds her own mostly untouched one in front of him and settles her free hand on his back, running it up and down. ] It's going to be okay, Tony. I'm right here and it's over. You're going to be okay.
[ That's definitely a good way to take that gasp, judging by the immediate response from her as she pushes into his kiss, the faint shudder and grind back against the rock of his hips as much as she's able with how pressed she is against the wall by now, pulling him closer with her hands as much as he's pushing her against it. She's breathing harder than normal by the time he has to pull away too, a little unevenly, and she nips at his lower lip, kisses the edge of his jaw and then as he moves towards her neck again she echoes his motions against his own neck, readjusting her legs just so she can shift against him. Walls are very good for pressure, she's pretty happy about that. ]
[ oh, well, yeah, that's another interpretation of that. that's probably not going to change whether she's here or not - he's done a fairly good job of retreating into himself while she's still in the room with him already
That gets his attention. It takes a second - lag-time - but he looks up at her with a vaguely confused expression on his face. ] What? I ask you for shit all the time.
That gets his attention. It takes a second - lag-time - but he looks up at her with a vaguely confused expression on his face. ] What? I ask you for shit all the time.
no i need to know now stockholm syndrome is only for captives when did i become a captive D:
motherofnemesis
2013-05-22 05:59 am (UTC)(link)
[ For the moment it is definitely a pretty personal thing. A very personal thing, like on the scale of - no actually there is not a scale indicative enough of how much she wants to keep this close to her chest right now, and his too because she rests against it so often and he's just in general very important. There's very little she would actually keep from him. Less and less, these days.
It is fairly uncharacteristic, but right now she just wants to hold onto him for a little while, and his arms around her are very comforting. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in and releases it, then again, listening to him talk. There's another short silence after he finishes, and then she nods slowly against his chest. ] We do take care of each other. And you don't actually act like a child. [ She turns her head sideways a little, tucks it under his chin and just keeps holding on. ] I want it to be okay. [ It's a very shaky almost nonexistent laugh. ] I mean, we both know what not to do, right?
It is fairly uncharacteristic, but right now she just wants to hold onto him for a little while, and his arms around her are very comforting. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in and releases it, then again, listening to him talk. There's another short silence after he finishes, and then she nods slowly against his chest. ] We do take care of each other. And you don't actually act like a child. [ She turns her head sideways a little, tucks it under his chin and just keeps holding on. ] I want it to be okay. [ It's a very shaky almost nonexistent laugh. ] I mean, we both know what not to do, right?
[ He wants to shrug off the contact this time, suppresses the flinch at the initial point of it and then doesn't move when it continues, because he knows she's trying to help. He doesn't want to make her feel bad for trying to help, even if he really doesn't feel like personal contact all of a sudden. He just keeps his face more or less hidden by his hand, resting his weight on the arm of the couch. The first thing he'd said had been a deflection, a poor one, and they both know it, so he doesn't bother following it up with an explanation. He's quiet for a while after her last words though, because he can't tell how he feels about them. He doesn't not believe them, but he's not sure he can take them at their fellow words, either.
It's a little while like that before he replies, still looking more or less at the ground and definitely without looking at her. His shields have been gradually rebuilding since she calmed him down enough to start working on them, and right now they're holding fairly well. Well enough for him to say the next thing without too much worry, not that he thinks she would do anything like that intentionally anyway. ]
I'm not. It's happened before. Last time I was out - not here. Flew it off until J overrode my auto-pilot override and brought me home, the asshole. By then I was calm enough to take care of it myself. How do you stop it?
It's a little while like that before he replies, still looking more or less at the ground and definitely without looking at her. His shields have been gradually rebuilding since she calmed him down enough to start working on them, and right now they're holding fairly well. Well enough for him to say the next thing without too much worry, not that he thinks she would do anything like that intentionally anyway. ]
I'm not. It's happened before. Last time I was out - not here. Flew it off until J overrode my auto-pilot override and brought me home, the asshole. By then I was calm enough to take care of it myself. How do you stop it?
[ Walls are great for pressure, but pressure is horrible for self-control. He makes the kind of sound that's either reserved for mild to moderate pain you knew was going to happen, or sudden, intense pleasure, and his grip on her tightens again. He takes advantage of the fact that she's supported by his leg, his waist, and one hand, and uses the other to try and start on his pants, seeing as all she's got on are leggings anyway. He hoists her up just enough so that he can reach the button and the zipper and start undoing both, starting to graze his teeth over her neck, following it with gentler attention. ]
[ How coincidental, because he just wants to hold her for a little while, so that totally works out well for the both of them. He hadn't realized he wanted to until she was there in his lap, but damn if it didn't kick in after that.
He lifts his chin a little so that she can fit more easily there, then rests it lightly on her head as he listens to her. His response to her final statement is more or less the same as hers just prior to saying it - a short, dark huff of amusement, or something a little more twisted than that. ]
Yeah, I'd say so. Nice clear negatives to print from.
He lifts his chin a little so that she can fit more easily there, then rests it lightly on her head as he listens to her. His response to her final statement is more or less the same as hers just prior to saying it - a short, dark huff of amusement, or something a little more twisted than that. ]
Yeah, I'd say so. Nice clear negatives to print from.
you'd get it just by existing in my general vicinity ok
motherofnemesis
2013-05-22 07:38 am (UTC)(link)
[ yeah, he really has, and she's not sure what to do with it yet because part of her feels like she did this, she brought things up further when they didn't need to be, but mostly she just wants to be able to understand how to fix this. She needs to know how to help him.
She blinks back at him, somewhat equally confused. ] No you don't. I mean, I guess here and there, when it's not important. You almost never ask when you need help.
She blinks back at him, somewhat equally confused. ] No you don't. I mean, I guess here and there, when it's not important. You almost never ask when you need help.
[ She just waits, hand eventually stilling on his shoulder as she breathes and just settles, solid and still. That he's not trying to keep up the deflection is at least a good sign. It means he's not putting energy into dodging that there even is a problem, which means that there's more energy to be put into fixing the problem that there is.
Except - it's happened before, it has, and she didn't notice. She nods slowly, still listening, and then just stops still at the last bit. How do you stop it? ]
I'm not sure. Some people take medication. I meditate a lot. Everyone's different.
Except - it's happened before, it has, and she didn't notice. She nods slowly, still listening, and then just stops still at the last bit. How do you stop it? ]
I'm not sure. Some people take medication. I meditate a lot. Everyone's different.
[ Oh god, the pressure and the sound he's making and his grip on this strong all at once - she whimpers and her hips almost writhe against him, teeth against his shoulder for a moment before she manages to calm herself enough to brace herself in a position that definitely allows him to work at removing his pants while pushing herself up enough to have space to peel her leggings down her thighs. And then she returns to kissing his neck, hands on him everywhere she can touch because she needs to be touching him right now, she just does. ]
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