I'm taking that as a yes, you're going to let me teach you self defense. [ Sliding behind him, right hand on his hip and left still holding his for the moment, looking rather pleased with herself. ] Just so you know.
So what all has Happy taught you?
So what all has Happy taught you?
[ She's trying not to look into his mind on purpose right now. She generally does, restricting herself to what can be noticed just with surface glances, because she doesn't want to overstep boundaries that become easier and easier to overstep just by existing around him. The irony is that in the moments that she could most help him by looking without permission, she is most reluctant and unwilling to do anything without him saying it's okay.
Sometimes she wonders if she's just sticking how much she values his trust above actually helping him, but this is what she's decided on and she's sticking to it.
She still gets whatever he's broadcasting, and that's harder to block out. But for right now, she's concentrating on him. There's sincerity in her eyes when he glances over for a moment, and then he's looking away again and she swallows down a sigh of frustration and worry. ]
Why? [ Simple and quiet, but maybe there's a good reason. She kind of doubts it. Her reasons are never very good. ] It's not - I was waiting to see if it got better, but it's not.
Sometimes she wonders if she's just sticking how much she values his trust above actually helping him, but this is what she's decided on and she's sticking to it.
She still gets whatever he's broadcasting, and that's harder to block out. But for right now, she's concentrating on him. There's sincerity in her eyes when he glances over for a moment, and then he's looking away again and she swallows down a sigh of frustration and worry. ]
Why? [ Simple and quiet, but maybe there's a good reason. She kind of doubts it. Her reasons are never very good. ] It's not - I was waiting to see if it got better, but it's not.
Why it is you think you can make me do things. Or what it is you think you can make me do. Either or. [ But her voice has dipped a little lower, a little softer. She's not trying to keep him awake, she's pretty aware she just thoroughly exhausted him. ]
[ The silence, now, isn't as disconcerting as it would have been a few months before. There's less tension and more of a specific, mutual understanding because she wouldn't tolerate it now. Not after everything that's happened, how much they've both dealt with considering. Still, it's always enough to give her pause, reaching the top of the steps and turning to look back at him. He's wild from working, but she wouldn't have that any other way either.
Pepper rests her hand against his chest as if to stop him, fingers barely brushing the collar of the shirt he's wearing. The feel of the arc reactor is evident, but she says nothing, offering him that much in the way of comfort. She's long since accepted this, him, and it's the reassurance in knowing he's still alive that grounds her. ]
Welcome home, Tony. [ Because she hadn't gotten a chance to tell him, to express everything in such simple terms. Her fingers move to lightly touch his jaw, thumb rubbing at what she suspects - hopes, in all honesty - is oil from, well, something. Perhaps a touch mothering, but there's other affections mixed with it too. ]
Pepper rests her hand against his chest as if to stop him, fingers barely brushing the collar of the shirt he's wearing. The feel of the arc reactor is evident, but she says nothing, offering him that much in the way of comfort. She's long since accepted this, him, and it's the reassurance in knowing he's still alive that grounds her. ]
Welcome home, Tony. [ Because she hadn't gotten a chance to tell him, to express everything in such simple terms. Her fingers move to lightly touch his jaw, thumb rubbing at what she suspects - hopes, in all honesty - is oil from, well, something. Perhaps a touch mothering, but there's other affections mixed with it too. ]
[ It's a yes, but he's looking down at her because the hand on his hip, the arm across his back, holding his hand with her other, this feels like coercion. He doesn't have a problem with coercion, he likes using it on other people, likes being coerced by the right people. She's probably the right people, anyway. ]
Boxing. The delicate balance between 'dirty boxing' and 'mixed martial arts'. Getting kneed in the crotch hurts regardless of whether it was an 'accident' or not. What are you gonna teach me?
Boxing. The delicate balance between 'dirty boxing' and 'mixed martial arts'. Getting kneed in the crotch hurts regardless of whether it was an 'accident' or not. What are you gonna teach me?
[ And he really appreciates that, honestly. He likes that she values his trust above his well-being, and that sounds really bad when it's put like that, but if she didn't, he wouldn't be close enough to her for her to bother valuing either.
He's not broadcasting a whole lot, for the fact that he's attempting not to. There's some anxiety, a high hum of it, emanating; some idle fear and melancholic worry; a large sum of irritation, though that was present before she started this conversation and has very little to do with her directly - the majority of it is in fact directed towards himself. But he doesn't want her to know these things, even if he's pretty sure she can feel half of them and whatever she can't feel is written in disorienting pastels across his face.
And why. He really doesn't ever have any one specifically good reason why he doesn't want anyone in on this. Beyond the fact that it's simply intensely personal due to the sheer amount of vulnerability sharing it creates, there's not a particularly rational reason to keep it to himself. He just. Feels like it. He doesn't want to share because he doesn't know where to even begin with it, even though he's actually shared a little bit with her in the past. He doesn't want to give anyone else those images or these feelings to deal with. He's supposed to fix problems, to be the futurist, and he almost can't handle how it goes that he can't even fix himself because he's hung up on things in the past. ]
It will. It's just... taking a while. It always gets better again. [ And no, that doesn't at all sound like 'It has to get better again.' ] It cycles. This is - it's just a long cycle.
He's not broadcasting a whole lot, for the fact that he's attempting not to. There's some anxiety, a high hum of it, emanating; some idle fear and melancholic worry; a large sum of irritation, though that was present before she started this conversation and has very little to do with her directly - the majority of it is in fact directed towards himself. But he doesn't want her to know these things, even if he's pretty sure she can feel half of them and whatever she can't feel is written in disorienting pastels across his face.
And why. He really doesn't ever have any one specifically good reason why he doesn't want anyone in on this. Beyond the fact that it's simply intensely personal due to the sheer amount of vulnerability sharing it creates, there's not a particularly rational reason to keep it to himself. He just. Feels like it. He doesn't want to share because he doesn't know where to even begin with it, even though he's actually shared a little bit with her in the past. He doesn't want to give anyone else those images or these feelings to deal with. He's supposed to fix problems, to be the futurist, and he almost can't handle how it goes that he can't even fix himself because he's hung up on things in the past. ]
It will. It's just... taking a while. It always gets better again. [ And no, that doesn't at all sound like 'It has to get better again.' ] It cycles. This is - it's just a long cycle.
I can make you do things becauseeeee... [ No, he didn't have reasons thought out beforehand. ] Because you like me. Things you like can be used against you. Universal you, not you you. I haven't really thought about the extent of my powers here though. [ Settling against her a little bit more on a deep exhale. ] Seems safer for everyone if everything's spontaneous.
[ He stops when she turns back around to look at him, one because he was following her, and two, because if he kept going at that point he'd just run into her. It was very logical. Normally, he feels like he can tell roughly what she's going to do, but every now and then, when things matter or just because she feels like it, he supposes, she identifies herself as the singularly independent variable that she is and does the unexpected. It might be small - right now would be classified as small, when she places her hand on his chest and he doesn't take it as a threat that someone else is that close to the reactor, because from Pepper it's a comfort, that someone else accepts it and by proxy himself, and everything that that happens to mean. It might be large, and he appreciates those times as well, even if occasionally in the moments they're happening, they make him angry. She is a beautiful independence, and he's quite happy at this point to dependently vary right along with her.
So he lets her hand stay where it is, move up to his face when she feels like it, and, okay when she starts to clean him off, he sort of makes a face, but he still lets her do it. (It feels like that's what she's doing, anyway. It wouldn't be the first time he'd felt the sensation.) It's fine, again, because it's Pepper, and Pepper is allowed to do these things because it's different when she does.
He's just not entirely sure what to do with the rest of it. The 'welcome home', because she's here too, and so it's welcome to them both, even if it's weird to welcome yourself somewhere. He's pretty sure that breaks some sort of etiquette. That, and, he's just not sure what to do with it. So, he doesn't think about it - just goes on instinct, reaching out to take her other hand - totally forgetting he has a little oil still on his own, because he doesn't think about that, like, ever - and looking back at her. ] Good to be back. Right? We like it here.
So he lets her hand stay where it is, move up to his face when she feels like it, and, okay when she starts to clean him off, he sort of makes a face, but he still lets her do it. (It feels like that's what she's doing, anyway. It wouldn't be the first time he'd felt the sensation.) It's fine, again, because it's Pepper, and Pepper is allowed to do these things because it's different when she does.
He's just not entirely sure what to do with the rest of it. The 'welcome home', because she's here too, and so it's welcome to them both, even if it's weird to welcome yourself somewhere. He's pretty sure that breaks some sort of etiquette. That, and, he's just not sure what to do with it. So, he doesn't think about it - just goes on instinct, reaching out to take her other hand - totally forgetting he has a little oil still on his own, because he doesn't think about that, like, ever - and looking back at her. ] Good to be back. Right? We like it here.
[ It's coercion of the kindest and most well intentioned kind, she promises. Besides, right now she's just using it as an excuse to lean against him for a moment. He's warm and solid, and then she steps back and smiles. ]
If you're going to fight, always go for dirty. [ Cracking her knuckles, and okay maybe she looks pretty genuinely pleased about all of this, but there's a lot of good memories associated with being taught the things she's going to teach him, and her years as a vigilante were pretty much the best of her life. It's not even the memory of that so much that's bringing the smile to her face and eyes, but at least somewhat the idea that she gets to share some of that with him. Obliquely and without actually telling him that that's what she's doing, but still. In her head it counts. ] I'm going to teach you how to break things. I figure we'll start with a few basic 'what to do if someone grabs you' moves, and then go on into the next steps of taking them down.
If you're going to fight, always go for dirty. [ Cracking her knuckles, and okay maybe she looks pretty genuinely pleased about all of this, but there's a lot of good memories associated with being taught the things she's going to teach him, and her years as a vigilante were pretty much the best of her life. It's not even the memory of that so much that's bringing the smile to her face and eyes, but at least somewhat the idea that she gets to share some of that with him. Obliquely and without actually telling him that that's what she's doing, but still. In her head it counts. ] I'm going to teach you how to break things. I figure we'll start with a few basic 'what to do if someone grabs you' moves, and then go on into the next steps of taking them down.
Yes. [ It's a soft affirmation, eyes dropping to the hand that takes hers. Even if the grease isn't going to wash out easily, she actually doesn't mind. His skin is warm against hers, and she squeezes his fingers. ] I thought we could stay a little longer, so I made arrangements.
[ Which is Pepper's way of telling him he shouldn't spend all that time locked up in the workshop, though she knows there's a good possibility it's what he might do. At least she's hinting at it, an opportunity to relax and unwind and take care of himself--something she's been doing for so many years already because a certain someone seems to forget what's important. All routine, practice made perfect despite the kinks occasionally thrown in. ]
But I suppose I could always change that too... [ There's a smile, gaze meeting his rather than linger on their hands and the way it makes her feel. She keeps talking from habit, to fill a little of that silence with something better. ]
[ Which is Pepper's way of telling him he shouldn't spend all that time locked up in the workshop, though she knows there's a good possibility it's what he might do. At least she's hinting at it, an opportunity to relax and unwind and take care of himself--something she's been doing for so many years already because a certain someone seems to forget what's important. All routine, practice made perfect despite the kinks occasionally thrown in. ]
But I suppose I could always change that too... [ There's a smile, gaze meeting his rather than linger on their hands and the way it makes her feel. She keeps talking from habit, to fill a little of that silence with something better. ]
her own past reasons for saying no to help i swear one day i'll stop shorthanding stuff
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
motherofnemesis
2013-03-18 05:04 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Logically, she knows that math, knows that there's a good reason behind it. But sometimes she can't help but feel like - well, yeah, it sounds really bad. Really bad. And sometimes it's hard to look past that.
For things he doesn't want her to know, he's making it very hard for her not to know them. She watches his face, glances away when she starts feeling like she's intruding again but looks back almost immediately, not able to stop watching him. She needs to know. Or wants to know, or needs to be able to help him and therefore wants to know. It's complicated. ]
I could help. [ A wave of something close to exhausted frustration in her voice for a moment before it recedes. The rationalization of all the reasons you don't need help is something she's perfectly familiar with, but that only means that she knows how much they don't work, in the end. ] Tony, please. [ It's what I'm for, but she swallows that down. This isn't about any roles assigned to them by genetics or whatever it is that results in Sentinel and Guide. It's not about comfort because it's ordained by a set of instincts. She wants to help because he matters to her, more than anything, because he deserves to have someone to help him. ]
You don't deserve to have it cycle back again and again. Let me help.
For things he doesn't want her to know, he's making it very hard for her not to know them. She watches his face, glances away when she starts feeling like she's intruding again but looks back almost immediately, not able to stop watching him. She needs to know. Or wants to know, or needs to be able to help him and therefore wants to know. It's complicated. ]
I could help. [ A wave of something close to exhausted frustration in her voice for a moment before it recedes. The rationalization of all the reasons you don't need help is something she's perfectly familiar with, but that only means that she knows how much they don't work, in the end. ] Tony, please. [ It's what I'm for, but she swallows that down. This isn't about any roles assigned to them by genetics or whatever it is that results in Sentinel and Guide. It's not about comfort because it's ordained by a set of instincts. She wants to help because he matters to her, more than anything, because he deserves to have someone to help him. ]
You don't deserve to have it cycle back again and again. Let me help.
[ Laughing just a little, quietly, and when he settles against her she holds on tighter, breathes him in. It's ridiculously nice to have him here and relaxed and content and warm and if she could, she would probably keep this moment going as long as possible. ] I guess I'm okay with you not thinking about the extent of your powers over me. [ Spoilers they are a lot. ] And spontaneous - that we are very good at.
Kinky. [ But okay. Interesting strategy. Not one that he's ever particularly had a problem with - the whole 'fight fair' thing, yeah he understands it, and sure if you can win without cheating then go for it, but if not cheating means you're going to lose, then you're an idiot for not using anything within your disposal. ] I'm actually really good at breaking things, in case you hadn't noticed.
[ Yes, well. People this close. He has a hard time letting anyone get as close to him as she's managed to do, but once they're there, he has an equally hard time letting them go again. He might do a lot of superficial things that push people away, but the majority of his actions will - from his perspective, anyway - be to keep them nearby. There's an area where he likes to keep people for a while, and even when people breach beyond it, get closer than he was expecting, he likes to pretend that they're still in that comfort zone. Most people will go along with it - Rhodey, Max, they both usually let him pretend, because they know when things need to be pushed and when Tony just needs to feel like he's in control, even if everyone involved up to and including himself knows that he isn't.
And it isn't fair that she's being all insistent and offering when he's already exhausted and not all-together. It's much harder to say no to someone who is offering something that you want, but you don't want, but you know you need. Something like that.
And it doesn't help that he actually disagrees with her there. While this whole process is deeply unpleasant, and he'd like to be rid of it, there's a little part of him that can't help but think it's a good thing, to be periodically and forcibly reminded of all of this. It probably helps to keep him on the path he's chosen to follow so late, keeps him trying not to waste his life. He's promised not to do that. ]
I don't - [ He doesn't a lot of things right now, so he stops abruptly, pauses, lets his hands slide back and fall down into his lap, follows their progress with his eyes and holds them there for a few moments.
He doesn't know that that's true: that he doesn't deserve this kind of cyclical nightmare. He doesn't know how she can help. He doesn't know how to accept it even if she figures that part out for herself. He doesn't know what to do, with any of this. It's why he'd started working, because that's the fastest way to shove it out of the way and move on. ] I don't know how that would work.
And it isn't fair that she's being all insistent and offering when he's already exhausted and not all-together. It's much harder to say no to someone who is offering something that you want, but you don't want, but you know you need. Something like that.
And it doesn't help that he actually disagrees with her there. While this whole process is deeply unpleasant, and he'd like to be rid of it, there's a little part of him that can't help but think it's a good thing, to be periodically and forcibly reminded of all of this. It probably helps to keep him on the path he's chosen to follow so late, keeps him trying not to waste his life. He's promised not to do that. ]
I don't - [ He doesn't a lot of things right now, so he stops abruptly, pauses, lets his hands slide back and fall down into his lap, follows their progress with his eyes and holds them there for a few moments.
He doesn't know that that's true: that he doesn't deserve this kind of cyclical nightmare. He doesn't know how she can help. He doesn't know how to accept it even if she figures that part out for herself. He doesn't know what to do, with any of this. It's why he'd started working, because that's the fastest way to shove it out of the way and move on. ] I don't know how that would work.
[ He already looked faintly happy with things, her, standing here on the stairs holding hands, but when she says she made arrangements, his face brightens further. There's a lot of things to read into from that, and while 'don't spend all your time in the workshop' isn't one that springs to mind immediately - it doesn't take long though, it comes along in the middle of another mental delineation of meaning - there's plenty of others that do that he likes the idea of. Or at least the feeling of. Anything that indicates she likes everything that's happening, with them, with life, and wants to continue it - anything in that vein makes him happy. Like he's doing things right.
Taking care of himself was definitely not one of the first ideas out of her statement though, but he'd contest the 'forgetting what's important' bit. He does quite well with that lately, he thinks; she just has her priorities in a different order than he does. ]
What? [ It's a little quick, even with her smile and how he knows she's not sincere. ] No, we're staying here. You can't tell me one thing and then move on to another. My choice now, staying longer.
Although not on the stairs forever, right? You meant stay longer in the house. Not that I mind the stairs, these are great stairs, but I think once we run out of things to talk about they'll get boring pretty fast.
Taking care of himself was definitely not one of the first ideas out of her statement though, but he'd contest the 'forgetting what's important' bit. He does quite well with that lately, he thinks; she just has her priorities in a different order than he does. ]
What? [ It's a little quick, even with her smile and how he knows she's not sincere. ] No, we're staying here. You can't tell me one thing and then move on to another. My choice now, staying longer.
Although not on the stairs forever, right? You meant stay longer in the house. Not that I mind the stairs, these are great stairs, but I think once we run out of things to talk about they'll get boring pretty fast.
Oh, I'm sure you can think of something.
[ She speaks mildly, a tease in those words. Of course she'd meant staying in a general sense, nothing specific like he's implying. But it's like Tony to cover all bases but the important ones, and Pepper knows that too. Still, she has her own ideas, and while they might not be what he expects, it's not as if he wouldn't enjoy them. Eventually.
The hand he isn't holding rests on his shoulder, and she uses it for a bit of leverage, leaning forward as if to whisper something. Like they're not alone now, like it could be a secret no one else should know just yet. Instead, she simply presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, chaste and simple and particularly fleeting. Then, she's gone from his personal space, withdrawing both hands and stepping back as though she intends to leave him there on the steps.
The look she gives him might be a little too knowing, even for her. But she's turning around and walking again without saying anything at all. ]
[ She speaks mildly, a tease in those words. Of course she'd meant staying in a general sense, nothing specific like he's implying. But it's like Tony to cover all bases but the important ones, and Pepper knows that too. Still, she has her own ideas, and while they might not be what he expects, it's not as if he wouldn't enjoy them. Eventually.
The hand he isn't holding rests on his shoulder, and she uses it for a bit of leverage, leaning forward as if to whisper something. Like they're not alone now, like it could be a secret no one else should know just yet. Instead, she simply presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, chaste and simple and particularly fleeting. Then, she's gone from his personal space, withdrawing both hands and stepping back as though she intends to leave him there on the steps.
The look she gives him might be a little too knowing, even for her. But she's turning around and walking again without saying anything at all. ]
Well, you know me. Always trying to spice it up. [ A slight grin, and then she shrugs and steps a little closer. ] Yeah, but I want to teach you to break bones.
[ Beat. It's a lot better than it sounds, okay. ] I figure some of the very basic ones you can skip - please tell me you know what to do if someone grabs your wrist. [ Fingers settling loosely around one of his wrists, just to test. ]
[ Beat. It's a lot better than it sounds, okay. ] I figure some of the very basic ones you can skip - please tell me you know what to do if someone grabs your wrist. [ Fingers settling loosely around one of his wrists, just to test. ]
tony and max have bad reasons for their bad life choices the book the movie
motherofnemesis
2013-03-19 06:49 pm (UTC)(link)
[ She does generally. Let him pretend, or at least keep her offers of help brief and mostly unspoken, let him decide what he wants and when he wants it. She wants to help, but she dislikes trying to push it on him. Especially now, when he's tired and vulnerable already, because it feels weird and a little bit wrong.
But this has been too consistent and it's been too much already. It doesn't feel like it's getting better, or going to go away, and she meant what she said even if he disagrees. He doesn't deserve this. She doesn't think he needs any reminders of how to be a good person - he's already a good person, the path is fine. It's hard for her to understand why he would ever think he needed a reminder for any of that. ]
I don't know either yet. [ Her eyes tracking his hands, and she leaves hers where it was for the moment, as much as she wants to follow his hand down and take it in hers, curl her fingers around his and hold on. She feels a little like she's dealing with a spooked animal, which maybe is an unfair image but she just knows that when she's already pushing she can't be the one to keep chasing. It won't work like that. ] But I can find a way.
[ Watching him, still, and she's broadcasting just a little bit of her sincerity and want to help him. ] We can find a way.
But this has been too consistent and it's been too much already. It doesn't feel like it's getting better, or going to go away, and she meant what she said even if he disagrees. He doesn't deserve this. She doesn't think he needs any reminders of how to be a good person - he's already a good person, the path is fine. It's hard for her to understand why he would ever think he needed a reminder for any of that. ]
I don't know either yet. [ Her eyes tracking his hands, and she leaves hers where it was for the moment, as much as she wants to follow his hand down and take it in hers, curl her fingers around his and hold on. She feels a little like she's dealing with a spooked animal, which maybe is an unfair image but she just knows that when she's already pushing she can't be the one to keep chasing. It won't work like that. ] But I can find a way.
[ Watching him, still, and she's broadcasting just a little bit of her sincerity and want to help him. ] We can find a way.
[ It dies down pretty quickly at least, and then she's just pressing her lips into his hair, hands stilling flat on his back, just resting and appreciating him against her. ] Yeah? Why's that?
[ Yeah he squints at that a little bit, because. Okay. That sounds like a real bonding exercise. But okay, sure. Breaking bones. That still sounds like fun.
And at that, he looks down, but yes, he does know that one, and provided she doesn't do anything particularly surprising, he gets out of it without much difficulty. ] What else you got?
And at that, he looks down, but yes, he does know that one, and provided she doesn't do anything particularly surprising, he gets out of it without much difficulty. ] What else you got?
[ Spooked animal is actually probably not that inaccurate - at any point when he feels threatened, that tends to be his initial reaction, and especially at times like this, when there's not actually anything to react to or get away from but himself. You can't be direct, you can't be too forceful, and if you take too long to come to a resolution, he's just going to run away again. It's pretty damn accurate. (And it's okay, because Sif thinks he's like an adorable little puppy anyway, so out of the two, there's one he'd rather be.)
And he gets the sincerity; he got that before as well, so now he just sort of tilts his head away from her, still looking at his lap, and continues to completely not know what to do. He's quiet for a little while, processing or deciding how he wants to proceed, whichever one and maybe both, before he finally answers her again. When he does, it's a pathetic attempt to deflect her yet again. ] How about you come back when you've figured out a way.
And he gets the sincerity; he got that before as well, so now he just sort of tilts his head away from her, still looking at his lap, and continues to completely not know what to do. He's quiet for a little while, processing or deciding how he wants to proceed, whichever one and maybe both, before he finally answers her again. When he does, it's a pathetic attempt to deflect her yet again. ] How about you come back when you've figured out a way.
[ Yeah, see? It's just a matter of perspective. Breaking bones can totally be fun, when it's you learning how to break other people's bones.
Okay, good, he knows his basics at least it is time to move on. She grins and gestures at her throat, casually. ] Chokehold, please?
Okay, good, he knows his basics at least it is time to move on. She grins and gestures at her throat, casually. ] Chokehold, please?
[ Meaningful conversations with him turn into a long slow climb upwards circling around a mountain, because getting anything out of him that isn't either not the truth or an evasion or some other way of attempting to redirect attention away from anything that might demonstrate he has any weakness is about as easy as squeezing blood out of a stone.
Like that, exactly like that. She probably should have seen that coming, and for a moment she does waver because the more she has to push the more uncertain she feels about whether she's doing the right thing here or just trying to fix him for her own sake. ]
I need your help. [ Quietly, softly. An appeal, almost, to please work with her, let her help him. ] I need you to talk to me.
Like that, exactly like that. She probably should have seen that coming, and for a moment she does waver because the more she has to push the more uncertain she feels about whether she's doing the right thing here or just trying to fix him for her own sake. ]
I need your help. [ Quietly, softly. An appeal, almost, to please work with her, let her help him. ] I need you to talk to me.
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