motherofnemesis: (pensive)

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-14 06:58 pm (UTC)(link)
I like learning new things. Shouldn't need them again, but they're interesting. [ Emotions complicate things so very very quickly. One night stands (hardly even that), those had been easy back when she was still okay enough with going out in public to do them. Because it was like a contract, basically, both parties agree to have sex and get each other off if possible, and when there wasn't any emotion attached that made it easier to keep empathy on the down low.

And then there's him. And she can't keep things shut down with him, which means she shows him things she doesn't always mean to show him. And to a certain extent, whether it's intended or not, being able to make her feel good is power over her, and the idea of showing him that scared her even if she felt sure he wouldn't ever use it against her. It becomes easier to consider over time, though. Ingrained fear pushed aside for trust, old worries built over with new memories. He'll get his day. She'll probably be quite pleased to have reached that trust too. ]
motherofnemesis: (you made your grave)

slkdhf lmfao

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-14 08:34 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Still standing, still relatively okay, definitely. She wasn't going to pass out on him while he was gone, that seemed really rude. And also like a bad idea. The passing out thing in general, just. Not a great idea. This shirt is totally ruined. She lifts her hand to let him work, nods and steadfastly ignores the blood. (She is very tired of how much of her life has included blood.) ] Holding onto you is always nice. All sounds good.

[ Shorter, now, conserving breath and energy, but she manages an almost smile. ] How are you doing? With the crowds.
motherofnemesis: (put the world in a box)

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-15 07:45 am (UTC)(link)
[ She used it as a thought exercise in prison, mostly. Rote memorization of a pattern was pretty useful at that point. ] It's more fun to do the actual work, though. A lot more fun. And it takes more time.

[ For him, maybe, but she's entirely used to feeling bad. Feeling bad was kind of the norm, really, to the point where having the ability to make her feel bad wasn't any kind of threat at all. So the ability to make her feel good, that became the rarity, and subsequently in some situations a threat. That's changed, finally, here with him, but it's still a slow process of realization that it's going to stay changed. That sometimes people just want you to feel good without questionable ulterior motives. And people create the issues, yes. But up until him she hadn't really found anything that bridged the gap. (Hadn't really gone looking, either, but.) Objects don't hold almost any meaning to her. ]
motherofnemesis: (active: tools)

alksf not really i voiceovered to fake audiences sometimes but i don't think i ever /believed/ in it

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-15 08:56 am (UTC)(link)
[ No let's not be honest, being honest means admitting that sometimes she can be entirely too cavalier about her own health and safety and that is no fun.

It's enough of a reassurance. A smile at all is pretty nice to get, if only because for the moment it helps feed into that nice idea of this being okay, now or soon. Everything going fine. Means that at the least he's retaining his sense of humor, and she greatly prefers that.
]

Okay. Good. Better be. [ Because she can't check right now. If she could that's what she would have done instead of asking, but right now she has to use her words and that's kind of frustrating, she'd like the noise of this crowd to be gone from inside her head. She'd also like for none of this to have happened, but you can't always get what you want, can you. She nods, forces herself to keep talking. It's harder now that she'd stopped, getting back on the distracting yourself talking groove. ] I can breathe fine. Ready to go. Ready to blow this popsicle stand.
motherofnemesis: (put the world in a box)

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-16 03:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Academically it's better to get it over as fast as possible, yeah, sure. [ Mostly life in general really.

Things worth working for, and so forth? And at first, the amount of happiness that came with being with him had seemed scary to her. Because the problem with happiness is that it can always, always be taken away. It had taken her a little while to realize that nobody was trying to take this away from her. That the only threat to it was their own issues, and she could work with that. ]
motherofnemesis: (neutral: i don't want to engage)

awww baby /wraps up

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-16 03:59 pm (UTC)(link)
[ seriously, they really do.

She blinks for a moment at the shields, a tiny bit of the tension bleeding out of her body. (Poor choice of words, perhaps.) That's helpful. The panic had become background noise to her own worry and to Tony's concern that she can't help feeling, but a background noise constantly threatening to become overwhelming, and now it was easier. That was really nice. ]
Distance is always good. People. [ That's as directly as she'll address it for the moment. But at that she does find the spirit to glare at him a little, because okay, being carried, not her favorite thing. But it's Tony, and he's helping, and he's worried and upset and handling it all really well and this is the way to get home, so that all overrules any dislike she has really quickly. ] Okay. It gets us home, I'm not going to be mad. Not even later.
motherofnemesis: (low: eyes closed)

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-17 10:34 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Some day she's going to have to find a way to convince him thoroughly, once and for all, that there is nothing one sided about this relationship. If she knew he thought that, even sometimes, she'd be horrified.

She does loop her other arm around his neck, ignores the way it pulls at ribs because whatever, she's holding on to him and nothing's going to make her let go. Tame or not, she keeps her eyes closed and works on keeping her breathing even, turns her face fully into him to hide any visible pain on her face from him. Home. For a concept she's only recently come to give any meaning again, and one that never had all that much even before everything bad, it's one that means a great deal to her now. ]
motherofnemesis: (neutral: consider this drink)

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-18 08:04 am (UTC)(link)
[ She gets in your head a lot dude someday she's probably going to stumble across that, by accident if nothing else, and maybe yes maybe you should mention it to her because if she ever does find out by accident she's going to be upset. Not at you, really, just at. Everything.

I have that problem a lot.

She says hello to JARVIS as they come in, lifts the hand around Tony's neck just a little bit to wave to - okay, yes, she's waving at a disembodied voice essentially, but it's the thought that counts. She's fairly certain that's it at least. Besides, JARVIS is a nice guy. He welcomed them home, she should say hi in - which is about when she thinks she needs to stop rambling about things that don't matter. ]


Still here -- [ she narrows her eyes but makes what can be read as a shrug despite moving as little of herself as possible to do it. ] I'm not going to hit you, it's just pain. But I would appreciate those. About now. [ Because she may be used to it, but she's fallen out of the habit and if there's no need to live with it then she wants the option where she doesn't have to. That one's a lot better. She wants to hold onto his hand, turns her head just a little bit into the brush of his hand on her face. Tactile reassurance of his presence is the easiest to believe. ] But I won't get follow through. Disappointing. [ But she tugs her shirt up with one hand a little. Not like it's anything he hasn't seen. ]
motherofnemesis: (fond smile)

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-18 10:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[ I can't tell you you're wrong because I actually think you're right.

She doesn't like painkillers, in general. They cloud her brain too much, she's always reacted strongly to them and she hates not having control over what she says or does. But yeah, she's more than happy to take them right now. Tony's got her. She's safe, she doesn't have to be in control right now. She can just stay still and let the drugs run into her system, taking things aside. It's a great feeling, especially when it comes without attendant anxiety over reaction times slowing and safety.
]

That a promise? [ Light, better able to be amused now that she's slowly feeling like the pain genuinely is just in another moment. Somewhere else. His hands are gentle and she can still feel his concern, realizes belatedly that her shields aren't really working that well. ] This is just payback for that time you broke your ribs and I said no sex. Isn't it.
motherofnemesis: (low: leaning against wall)

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-19 08:08 am (UTC)(link)
[ No wonder he didn't ask her if she had a preference for where. Sometimes she really thinks he understands her too well. He's too intuitive about her, but then so is she about him. Turn and turn about. She guesses that's fair, but that doesn't mean she always appreciates it.

She's okay with that tone, though, because what he's working on is, well, fixing her. Which is something she'd highly prefer wasn't necessary but if it is she's just glad he's okay enough with fixing her himself that no hospitals are necessary. She hates hospitals. ]
Ribs are bruised on the left. Head hurts. Fingers on my right hand went against a railing, might just be bruised or it might be something more. He was - kind of an asshole. [ And she wanted to stay alive, and even if all he wanted was a hostage she had instincts that screamed worse at her. So now he's dead, and she's listing out injuries clinically because she knows the value of a good situational awareness. ] Nothing too bad. [ She's alive, isn't she? ]
motherofnemesis: (sparkled with broken glass)

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-20 12:43 am (UTC)(link)
[ Sometimes it's nice to be understood without needing to say something, and sometimes - sometimes it's the exact opposite of what you want, even if it might be what you need.

Her dislike of hospitals isn't entirely rational, particularly here where her identity being known isn't likely to lead to her immediate arrest anymore, but there's still enough of it that it would in some ways be detrimental to a healing process to be in one. Stress is not an effective medicine. ]
Please, even distracted by everyone panicking there's no way he would have gotten me down an alley without hitting me on the head. [ Not really an answer, but painkillers do tend to do that to her. Make things slightly more unreal and distant, the things she says just slightly out of touch. And no matter how much she regrets having killed again, she'd still far rather it was her than him. ] I can move it mostly. Not the ring finger. See? Told you I'd be good. And you were worried about me dying, oh ye of little faith. [ Words just a little slurred. She's stopped bleeding, therefore she would like to submit to the jury that she is totally fine now. ]
motherofnemesis: (neutral: can't slip this past me)

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-21 04:54 am (UTC)(link)
[ She does fall silent for his examination, momentarily, because she knows he'll be using his senses and it would be bad form to just keep chattering with them on high. She knows that much. But talking just seems like the easy and natural thing to do, which she does know is the painkillers because that's not even a slightly normal feeling on her part. ]

I think I'm capable of staying firmly on the table. No moving. I'd pinkie promise but that would hurt. [ But her eyes are fixed firmly on him, and she falls silent as soon as he moves away at all. It's important. Him not being out of reach is probably the most important thing she can think of right now. Maybe the only really important thing. ]
motherofnemesis: (neutral: concentration)

[personal profile] motherofnemesis 2012-12-22 04:30 am (UTC)(link)
[ She tracks his movement carefully, reaches out carefully with her mind once he's not in sight anymore, verification that he's still nearby. When he comes back in she relaxes visibly, still watching him. ]

I'm all good. [ reconsidering. ] Been a lot worse. The painkillers are working pretty well.